I wanted to get something in quickly today before I set off on an adventure! Also, blogging (or reading a blog!) is an excellent way to avoid doing the things you should really be doing, like for example a metric fuck-ton of laundry and cleaning – my bedroom looks like a swamp of clothing. It is not cute.
I’m embarking on a two hour drive to a friend’s house for Hokie Game Day! Yes, I am a Virginia Tech Alum, and one who goes nuts over football, at that. I’m meeting some old college friends that I haven’t seen in a while – there certainly won’t be any “reveals” today, but that’s okay. Sometimes when I’m facing these social circumstances I dread them, because they are the exact opposite of reveals: “Hey, look at how much weight I’ve gained!! I’ve really been working hard to achieve this bod, yeaahhhhh” and it’s embarrassing. One time in college I made up a phony excuse not to come home because we had a family member visit and I didn’t want that exact scenario to play out. It did again anyway at my college graduation, but that’s another sob story. Anyway, maybe that’s another little motivation, Not Hiding. It seems so silly, but I know you know what I’m talking about!
My biggest worry about today is the fare that goes along with foodball (typo, I swear to god, but it’s staying). I know my friend is grilling, so I’m guessing there will be hotdogs, hamburgers, etc. And I’m in charge of my own drinks, which, for a foodball game usually means beer.
(That second foodball I did it on purpose, and I’m totally keeping it! Like, “foodball! Arghhh!”*shakes fist* because it’s all about the challenge of being good to yourself and your health but enjoying the football rituals. It’s a new term, I’ve decided.)
Here’s my general gameplan to handle today responsibly, but still eat some football-fare. I’m going to snack/graze all day, not have two full meals before I go (I’m leaving after lunch), but have an egg here, some cottage cheese there, an apple at another location that isn’t here or there, you get the idea. And on the way down, I’m going to munch on carrots and celery. So that when I get there I’m not starving and I won’t dive headfirst into a plate of cheeseburgers.
For drinks, I think I’m gonna give MGD64 a try. I have a more refined beer palate than MGD, but, you can’t beat the 64 calories, and it’s something I can track – it’s right there in the name! Genius. And even in the unlikely event I knock back all six, (if we play the “Drink Like You’re Still In College!” game, which as we all know, even the winner loses) that’s only 384 calories. Now I say only, because if they were regular beers, that number would double. It’s a good compromise.
I don’t want to think of it in terms of “letting loose” or “enjoying myself” because that isn’t the right mindset to have – I can still relax and enjoy myself while being moderately healthy. The two aren’t mutually exclusive, and I definitely want a life where they aren’t.
I’m off to do laundry (ugh) and clean (ew) and watch the Hokies play! (YAH!)
Happy Foodballing to all!
PS: Sorry the post is parentheses-heavy, but that’s basically how my brain works, even when I’m not writing. I’ll be talking or thinking, and my train of thought does a 180 and I’ll be off on a tangent for who knows how long. I like to think of it as a character trait, like quirky or goofy. Some might call it ADD (no one in an official position to do so, has, though – HAH! See, I can’t even avoid parentheses when I’m apologizing for using parentheses too much). Whatever.
05 September 2009
04 September 2009
Little Things
I did this a lot the last time around, and I want to do it again now. Every so often I would write out all of the things that are great about weighing less, from the mega-meta to the very silly. It’s not an exhaustive list, but it’s a pretty good representation.
Fashion: I consider myself moderately interested in fashion, but still a simple girl who spends too much money at Target. I just can’t wait to:
*Fit into the smaller sizes I have (I’m a 24 and I have every size down to a 12);
*Wear SHORTS!;
*Buy pants at “regular size” stores;
*Wear more heels;
*Wear strapless dresses (right now that would involve a complicated system of pulleys and levers)
I just want to have that effortlessly comfortable style I’ve built up in my head. I suppose this is where you tell me I should be doing all of these things now, anyway. I suppose you’re right, but now doesn’t quite match my mentally styled self, and that’s what I’m really aiming for, dreaming about, working towards.
Feelings, Emotions (EYE ROLL): Confidence. Happiness. Okay, just those two. I’m not getting dramatic today.
Social Things: These are the things I am most excited about.
*Not worrying about how much room I’m taking up on public transportation;
*Amusement park accessibility;
*Dating, OH MY GOD DATING;
*Liking the pictures I see of myself on fb (of course they aren’t all of apples, I’m a real person! With a body! And a face!);
*The little “reveals” when I see friends I haven’t seen in a while
I guess it all adds up to being the person I want to be. I honestly want to get to the point where I’m just…okay with myself. I want to be comfortable, so that I don’t have to breed negativity, and I can really focus positive energy on other people. That’s what really makes me happy, and I don’t think I’m doing the best possible job of it now when I’m so often blocked by my own negativity. But I guess that’s part of the reason why I’m here, to either write it out and get rid of it, and/or address it and move on, you get the idea. Wait, I think I said I wasn’t getting dramatic today. CRAP!
Fashion: I consider myself moderately interested in fashion, but still a simple girl who spends too much money at Target. I just can’t wait to:
*Fit into the smaller sizes I have (I’m a 24 and I have every size down to a 12);
*Wear SHORTS!;
*Buy pants at “regular size” stores;
*Wear more heels;
*Wear strapless dresses (right now that would involve a complicated system of pulleys and levers)
I just want to have that effortlessly comfortable style I’ve built up in my head. I suppose this is where you tell me I should be doing all of these things now, anyway. I suppose you’re right, but now doesn’t quite match my mentally styled self, and that’s what I’m really aiming for, dreaming about, working towards.
Feelings, Emotions (EYE ROLL): Confidence. Happiness. Okay, just those two. I’m not getting dramatic today.
Social Things: These are the things I am most excited about.
*Not worrying about how much room I’m taking up on public transportation;
*Amusement park accessibility;
*Dating, OH MY GOD DATING;
*Liking the pictures I see of myself on fb (of course they aren’t all of apples, I’m a real person! With a body! And a face!);
*The little “reveals” when I see friends I haven’t seen in a while
I guess it all adds up to being the person I want to be. I honestly want to get to the point where I’m just…okay with myself. I want to be comfortable, so that I don’t have to breed negativity, and I can really focus positive energy on other people. That’s what really makes me happy, and I don’t think I’m doing the best possible job of it now when I’m so often blocked by my own negativity. But I guess that’s part of the reason why I’m here, to either write it out and get rid of it, and/or address it and move on, you get the idea. Wait, I think I said I wasn’t getting dramatic today. CRAP!
Lunch/Dinner
Okay, I know my food choices/times are speaking for themselves, but I seriously don’t eat this little. I really don’t. But I’m having more (but still healthy) food to try and make up for the fact that this is my second meal of the day, and I’ll only maybe have a little snack later. I’m thinking, Harry Potter and some fat free popcorn. WOO FRIDAY NIGHT PARTY!!!!
My dinner is colorful and visually appealing. And healthy. I would take a picture and post it, but, again, I cannot find my camera. Nertz.
I’m having a salad with spinach, blueberries, Almond Accents slivered almonds, a little bit of plain yogurt as dressing, and then a sprinkling of Splenda, because, plain yogurt is not tasty on its own. If I had vanilla flavored yogurt (Dannon’s Light and Fit Vanilla is really good) I would have used that.
So: fun salad, and I’m also having some more of my chicken/craisin/apple concoction from yesterday. And a glass of milk.
I also took a fish oil gelcap or supplement or, whatever the technical term is. Vitamin? Anyway, I’ve heard those are good for you, so I’m seeing what happens. Heart benefits, yadayada, but ooh, shinier hair and stronger nails? Sign me up!
MMM: I just had a bite of the salad. Verdict: Delish. I got the idea from a friend who had gotten a similar salad from Whole Foods. I think hers also had some nuts, and/or sunflower seeds, or flaxseed or something, and there was also arugula in hers. But I improvised with what I had!
My dinner is colorful and visually appealing. And healthy. I would take a picture and post it, but, again, I cannot find my camera. Nertz.
I’m having a salad with spinach, blueberries, Almond Accents slivered almonds, a little bit of plain yogurt as dressing, and then a sprinkling of Splenda, because, plain yogurt is not tasty on its own. If I had vanilla flavored yogurt (Dannon’s Light and Fit Vanilla is really good) I would have used that.
So: fun salad, and I’m also having some more of my chicken/craisin/apple concoction from yesterday. And a glass of milk.
I also took a fish oil gelcap or supplement or, whatever the technical term is. Vitamin? Anyway, I’ve heard those are good for you, so I’m seeing what happens. Heart benefits, yadayada, but ooh, shinier hair and stronger nails? Sign me up!
MMM: I just had a bite of the salad. Verdict: Delish. I got the idea from a friend who had gotten a similar salad from Whole Foods. I think hers also had some nuts, and/or sunflower seeds, or flaxseed or something, and there was also arugula in hers. But I improvised with what I had!
It's science.
I have this theory.
I may have mentioned I’m unemployed. It’s only the thing I think and talk about all day and night, you may have heard me mention it. From January through mid-July of this year, I was so incredibly negative and hard on myself. I was in a really dark place. July was also the month I was distracted from myself and got out of my head momentarily with weddings and wedding-related travels. I have the most amazing group of friends who accept the bad parts of me right along with the good, and it was really refreshing to be spending a lot of time with them.
Right around that time, I snagged a phone interview. Didn’t get the job, but a phone interview was farther than I had gotten in seven months. It provided me with a little hope. I started making more phone calls about jobs, really working on my cover letters, seeking advice from fellow job-seekers, and I even sought out another organization to gain some more volunteer/intern experience.
Within two weeks, I had about three separate interview offers. When I was preparing for one particular interview, I was so stressed out and wound up that I went to the gym. I did just 30 minutes of cardio, but it calmed me down a little bit. Still, none of them worked out – though I got through two rounds of interviews for one of them, which, again, was farther than I had gotten in a long time.
So today, after getting back from the gym, what happens? I had an email sitting in my inbox about a phone interview. Boom.
I’m no scientist but this sequence of events is enough proof for me. It seems I won’t get anywhere with my job search unless I do other things that are good for myself. I actually believe (or, at least, it’s fun to believe) that the good feelings you get from doing right by yourself somehow translate into vibes that magically insert themselves into your job applications, or whatever your goal may be at the time.
If you hate yourself, and that’s what you’re focusing on, it’ll show through in everything you do. At least that’s how I’ve seen it work in my own life. So as I work out my own emotional issues, it’s nice to have distractions, and treating myself properly through healthy and creative eating and exercise is definitely a great distraction. So are friends.
As I mentioned, I went to the gym today! I’m proud of myself for going. I made myself a brand spanking new playlist, and off I went! I did 30 minutes of cardio – 20 on the treadmill (still only about 4 minutes was jogging, but I broke it up into smaller intervals and increased the pace each time) and 10 on the elliptical. Um, the elliptical is HARD. I had forgotten. It’s gonna take some patience to work up endurance for that machine.
Oh – another bonus of the working out? It gets me out of the damn house, which is always a step in the right direction.
I may have mentioned I’m unemployed. It’s only the thing I think and talk about all day and night, you may have heard me mention it. From January through mid-July of this year, I was so incredibly negative and hard on myself. I was in a really dark place. July was also the month I was distracted from myself and got out of my head momentarily with weddings and wedding-related travels. I have the most amazing group of friends who accept the bad parts of me right along with the good, and it was really refreshing to be spending a lot of time with them.
Right around that time, I snagged a phone interview. Didn’t get the job, but a phone interview was farther than I had gotten in seven months. It provided me with a little hope. I started making more phone calls about jobs, really working on my cover letters, seeking advice from fellow job-seekers, and I even sought out another organization to gain some more volunteer/intern experience.
Within two weeks, I had about three separate interview offers. When I was preparing for one particular interview, I was so stressed out and wound up that I went to the gym. I did just 30 minutes of cardio, but it calmed me down a little bit. Still, none of them worked out – though I got through two rounds of interviews for one of them, which, again, was farther than I had gotten in a long time.
So today, after getting back from the gym, what happens? I had an email sitting in my inbox about a phone interview. Boom.
I’m no scientist but this sequence of events is enough proof for me. It seems I won’t get anywhere with my job search unless I do other things that are good for myself. I actually believe (or, at least, it’s fun to believe) that the good feelings you get from doing right by yourself somehow translate into vibes that magically insert themselves into your job applications, or whatever your goal may be at the time.
If you hate yourself, and that’s what you’re focusing on, it’ll show through in everything you do. At least that’s how I’ve seen it work in my own life. So as I work out my own emotional issues, it’s nice to have distractions, and treating myself properly through healthy and creative eating and exercise is definitely a great distraction. So are friends.
As I mentioned, I went to the gym today! I’m proud of myself for going. I made myself a brand spanking new playlist, and off I went! I did 30 minutes of cardio – 20 on the treadmill (still only about 4 minutes was jogging, but I broke it up into smaller intervals and increased the pace each time) and 10 on the elliptical. Um, the elliptical is HARD. I had forgotten. It’s gonna take some patience to work up endurance for that machine.
Oh – another bonus of the working out? It gets me out of the damn house, which is always a step in the right direction.
The origins of 100in12
I think I need to explain myself a bit. I’m trying to stay anonymous for a while – just because I’m not comfortable attaching a weight and considerable emotional issues to a face, not quite yet. Though I’m gonna try and put up one or two face-less body pictures soon…I can’t find my camera, which is a fairly important part of taking pictures. Anyway, who I am isn’t really important, but maybe it’s important to give you an idea of myself so that you know where I’m coming from.
I’m in my twenties, at the age when you shouldn’t live at your parents’ house anymore – and I do. I think that is the cause of 90% of my emotional issues right now – my parents are amazing and supportive, but I project my own shortcomings onto them and spend a good portion of the day in my room, hiding. It’s not their fault – they’re great – I know I’m acting poorly. Which irritates me even further. Cycles, you are the worst.
I’m trying to move out, though. I mentioned this earlier, but I’ve been unemployed for nine months. I quit my job two years ago to go back to school and get a post-graduate degree in something about which I am incredibly passionate. I had the time of my life in school, excelled and even spent time abroad. I graduated in January 2009, right as the economy tanked; that combined with what I suspect is not enough professional experiences has landed me here.
When I quit my job I was in the middle of a weight loss journey that was actually going really well, and it continued as I obtained my degree. I lost roughly 60 pounds, and I was happy about where I was heading professionally and in terms of my health.
And, as I’ve said, then I graduated and my phone didn’t ring. Like, ever. I’ve been volunteering in a few places to try and gain some experience, but still, nine months later, nothing. I’ve let it get to me in really poor ways. Spending nights thinking about how many Tylenol PMs it would take to sleep and not wake up, and spending days eating myself silly. Oh, before I go any further, please don’t be alarmed about the whole “suicidal thoughts” thing. Nights are bad for me, I would never actually do it. Seriously, I wouldn’t. I was just letting all the negative thoughts get to me, and there are a lot of them sometimes.
Anyway, for me, the worst part has been the eating. And so, I’ve gained back every pound I lost, plus a couple extra, just for funsies, I guess. It’s humiliating and depressing and wears me out just thinking about doing it all over again.
I know it’s important to actually care about yourself if you really want the results to last, so I’m trying to balance taking care of myself mentally as well as physically. It’s so easy for me to “default” back to treating myself poorly (both mentally and physically) and I’m really trying not to. Granted, it’s like my fourth day of this weight loss attempt, but at this point every day feels like seven. And a day at a time is really all I can do, anyway. Time space continuum, and all.
So here I am, trying.
I’m in my twenties, at the age when you shouldn’t live at your parents’ house anymore – and I do. I think that is the cause of 90% of my emotional issues right now – my parents are amazing and supportive, but I project my own shortcomings onto them and spend a good portion of the day in my room, hiding. It’s not their fault – they’re great – I know I’m acting poorly. Which irritates me even further. Cycles, you are the worst.
I’m trying to move out, though. I mentioned this earlier, but I’ve been unemployed for nine months. I quit my job two years ago to go back to school and get a post-graduate degree in something about which I am incredibly passionate. I had the time of my life in school, excelled and even spent time abroad. I graduated in January 2009, right as the economy tanked; that combined with what I suspect is not enough professional experiences has landed me here.
When I quit my job I was in the middle of a weight loss journey that was actually going really well, and it continued as I obtained my degree. I lost roughly 60 pounds, and I was happy about where I was heading professionally and in terms of my health.
And, as I’ve said, then I graduated and my phone didn’t ring. Like, ever. I’ve been volunteering in a few places to try and gain some experience, but still, nine months later, nothing. I’ve let it get to me in really poor ways. Spending nights thinking about how many Tylenol PMs it would take to sleep and not wake up, and spending days eating myself silly. Oh, before I go any further, please don’t be alarmed about the whole “suicidal thoughts” thing. Nights are bad for me, I would never actually do it. Seriously, I wouldn’t. I was just letting all the negative thoughts get to me, and there are a lot of them sometimes.
Anyway, for me, the worst part has been the eating. And so, I’ve gained back every pound I lost, plus a couple extra, just for funsies, I guess. It’s humiliating and depressing and wears me out just thinking about doing it all over again.
I know it’s important to actually care about yourself if you really want the results to last, so I’m trying to balance taking care of myself mentally as well as physically. It’s so easy for me to “default” back to treating myself poorly (both mentally and physically) and I’m really trying not to. Granted, it’s like my fourth day of this weight loss attempt, but at this point every day feels like seven. And a day at a time is really all I can do, anyway. Time space continuum, and all.
So here I am, trying.
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