It's 6:15am as I type this, and I have to go to work today. Work on a holiday, sheesh! I'm still temping at the same place, and the "big events" that we've been gearing up for are happening at the end of this week. I basically have to front-load all my hours the first three days of the week. They told me not to be surprised if I knock out my 40 hours by Wednesday. Well then.
But you don't care so much about that, do you? I just wanted to start us off with something other than this, what I really wanted to say:
220.4 IN YO' FACE SUCKA!
Mind you, good looking reader, that you are in no way the Sucka to which I am referring. Just a general exclamation (albeit a bit aggressive and/or fratty fratster) that shows my struggles are paying off. I feel like I'm scraping by; like I'm trying so hard but I still don't feel like I'm making progress.
I still feel like I go through an internal battle every time I eat something of good vs. evil, but I am making a difference! I'm down like 4 pounds from last week.
It's a good way to start the day, that's for sure!
***
One other thing before I go, lovelies. I want to start having better blogging practices again. Two things have been on my mind:
1 - The name of my blog is 100in12 - I feel like I've abandoned that journey completely. Not that I'm no longer trying to lose weight, but...that specific goal feels like it's almost all but slipped away. I don't like that, because it's very me. I'm good at starting things and terrible at finishing them. So I want to make an effort to try and return to my former glory of a few months ago.
2- I miss you guys. I miss commenting on your blogs and hearing about your days and your struggles and victories.
3 - I realize this is like the eighteenth time I've made this pledge. Yuck.
4 - I AM DOING THAT DAMN GIVEAWAY THIS WEEK. I AM.
15 February 2010
13 February 2010
The thing I come away with most after writing this post is...the heirarchy of communication technology is weird.
“Morning! Just wanted to let you know I had a great time last night and would like to do it again. You?”
So I had my first date via EHarmony last night. I think he was actually the first person on EHarmony to reach out and contact me. Throughout this whole deal I want to keep an open mind (as much as possible) and so we had been emailing for a while and then “progressed” to texting, and then he asked me to dinner. I accepted.
(The post title: You move from email, to texting, to calling, to seeing each other in person...such a funny thing how that works)
Previous to meeting him, I didn’t really feel…anything. There wasn’t anything about him that engaged me – the way he looked, or anything in our discussions via text and email. I mean he doesn’t have to be Brad Pitt or be able to talk the pants off of me, but I need and want something to click. But again, I stayed connected because I 1) wanted to give it a chance for the sake of giving something a chance and 2) make sure I wasn’t turning down an opportunity because I was afraid or scared. You never know…
So we meet for dinner…the lack of feelings continued. He was nice. And I hate saying he was nice, because that seems so condescending to say. I could tell the things he was laughing at weren’t really the things I found funny (a matching sense of humor is pretty much THE biggest thing that can make or break someone for me) and so, I went along with it. We had conversations and talked about various things and asked each other questions and it was a polite first date.
I’m happy I did it. The problem, now, is obviously what to do next. You see the opening line – a text he just sent me – I don’t want to see him again. Not said (typed) in a malicious way, just…there’s nothing there for me. I guess I have to be a grown up and tell him that.
***TANGENT! You love them, you missed them, my tangents. Anyway (a tangent within a tangent, and parenthetical thoughts!? This post couldn’t get any better or more self-indulgent) my tangent is this: anyone who reads this section of the InterTubes knows that I have issues with myself. I don’t like a lot of things about me – I think I can be immature, bratty and spoiled and expect things to be given to me without a lot of work in return. It’s ugly and I don’t like it. And I know these are things I need to change***
Maybe my experience with EHarmony is about more than just finding a date. It’s about growing up a little, making the hard decisions, doing the thing that isn’t the easiest. If I do what my head is telling me, it’s to run away and ignore him and hope he gets the picture. But…I don’t want to do that this time. I’ll have to figure out something to say to him soon to tell him thanks but no thanks.
One other thing – I hope all of this isn’t coming off like I think I’m the first person to think these thoughts. I hate when I read things and I’m like “No Shit, Sherlock”, because it’s one of my favorite phrases of all time, but also because…it’s annoying when people thing they’re handing down gospel but really, at best they’re making an observation we all have a million times over.
I think that was kind of a run-on paragraph but I hope you catch my drift. I’m not the first and only person to go through this, but it’s a first for me.
(In other news: my eating was ON. POINT. yesterday. And I’ve been doing the Wii Fit more often. I’ve been stumbling a lot too – hello, Burger King, and may I say, ew – but I feel like things are headed in the right direction in a lot of ways too)
So I had my first date via EHarmony last night. I think he was actually the first person on EHarmony to reach out and contact me. Throughout this whole deal I want to keep an open mind (as much as possible) and so we had been emailing for a while and then “progressed” to texting, and then he asked me to dinner. I accepted.
(The post title: You move from email, to texting, to calling, to seeing each other in person...such a funny thing how that works)
Previous to meeting him, I didn’t really feel…anything. There wasn’t anything about him that engaged me – the way he looked, or anything in our discussions via text and email. I mean he doesn’t have to be Brad Pitt or be able to talk the pants off of me, but I need and want something to click. But again, I stayed connected because I 1) wanted to give it a chance for the sake of giving something a chance and 2) make sure I wasn’t turning down an opportunity because I was afraid or scared. You never know…
So we meet for dinner…the lack of feelings continued. He was nice. And I hate saying he was nice, because that seems so condescending to say. I could tell the things he was laughing at weren’t really the things I found funny (a matching sense of humor is pretty much THE biggest thing that can make or break someone for me) and so, I went along with it. We had conversations and talked about various things and asked each other questions and it was a polite first date.
I’m happy I did it. The problem, now, is obviously what to do next. You see the opening line – a text he just sent me – I don’t want to see him again. Not said (typed) in a malicious way, just…there’s nothing there for me. I guess I have to be a grown up and tell him that.
***TANGENT! You love them, you missed them, my tangents. Anyway (a tangent within a tangent, and parenthetical thoughts!? This post couldn’t get any better or more self-indulgent) my tangent is this: anyone who reads this section of the InterTubes knows that I have issues with myself. I don’t like a lot of things about me – I think I can be immature, bratty and spoiled and expect things to be given to me without a lot of work in return. It’s ugly and I don’t like it. And I know these are things I need to change***
Maybe my experience with EHarmony is about more than just finding a date. It’s about growing up a little, making the hard decisions, doing the thing that isn’t the easiest. If I do what my head is telling me, it’s to run away and ignore him and hope he gets the picture. But…I don’t want to do that this time. I’ll have to figure out something to say to him soon to tell him thanks but no thanks.
One other thing – I hope all of this isn’t coming off like I think I’m the first person to think these thoughts. I hate when I read things and I’m like “No Shit, Sherlock”, because it’s one of my favorite phrases of all time, but also because…it’s annoying when people thing they’re handing down gospel but really, at best they’re making an observation we all have a million times over.
I think that was kind of a run-on paragraph but I hope you catch my drift. I’m not the first and only person to go through this, but it’s a first for me.
(In other news: my eating was ON. POINT. yesterday. And I’ve been doing the Wii Fit more often. I’ve been stumbling a lot too – hello, Burger King, and may I say, ew – but I feel like things are headed in the right direction in a lot of ways too)
08 February 2010
Weigh I Am
224! That's down from last week, HOLLER!
Other updates:
*May be making a real life, actual EHarmony date soon. Totally nervous. I'm still expecting to show up and be stood up. The whole "he looks in the window and sees me sitting there, and then bolts" scenario. I really need some self esteem.
*No work today, and I still can't go anywhere because of the snow. I tried this morning - barely got down the road, and turned around and came back home. It's still really bad out there. Having a Corolla doesn' help. I love my baby and I don't want her out in this nonsense.
*It's a real challenge to keep myself from sitting inside and eating all day. Normally if I'm awake in the early hours, it's because I have work - but now I don't and I'm not sleepy...so my instinct is to eat. From boredom. Or to bake and THEN eat, also from boredom. Yikes. This is going to be a tough week for me. Oh, plus, being anxious about the potential EHarmony date also makes me want to eat. Ugh.
*I talked to The Matriarch (from The Family, if you remember) the other day during the snowstorm. It wasn't 4 minutes into the conversation when she asked me if I was still going to the gym. I told her I was, but not as often. And then she launched into talking about the Wii Fit and all that. It...irritated me to no end. I had a dream about this same kind of scenario the other day, but it was real life this time. I just wanted to say to her:
"The FIRST thing you bring up with me is always food and or exercising. Always. It's always about the weight - with me, with you, with somebody. Are you physically capable about talking about other things, at the very least to make me feel like you love me for reasons OTHER than how much I weigh?!"
I know a large part of my annoyance was because I'm not happy with where I am in my "journey", and I don't want someone making me confront it. On the other hand, when she was here back in September, she did the same thing - asking me about my gym habits and what I was doing, and how I was "making her feel bad" for all the work I was doing...I still hated it, and I was doing really well. AGHHH!!! It just makes me so mad. It makes me want to not talk to her, and that makes me sad.
Eh...I didn't want to end on a sad/irritated note, because now I have myself all riled up again over it. I'm gonna go try and find something to do that doesn't involve me eating myself out of house and home.
Other updates:
*May be making a real life, actual EHarmony date soon. Totally nervous. I'm still expecting to show up and be stood up. The whole "he looks in the window and sees me sitting there, and then bolts" scenario. I really need some self esteem.
*No work today, and I still can't go anywhere because of the snow. I tried this morning - barely got down the road, and turned around and came back home. It's still really bad out there. Having a Corolla doesn' help. I love my baby and I don't want her out in this nonsense.
*It's a real challenge to keep myself from sitting inside and eating all day. Normally if I'm awake in the early hours, it's because I have work - but now I don't and I'm not sleepy...so my instinct is to eat. From boredom. Or to bake and THEN eat, also from boredom. Yikes. This is going to be a tough week for me. Oh, plus, being anxious about the potential EHarmony date also makes me want to eat. Ugh.
*I talked to The Matriarch (from The Family, if you remember) the other day during the snowstorm. It wasn't 4 minutes into the conversation when she asked me if I was still going to the gym. I told her I was, but not as often. And then she launched into talking about the Wii Fit and all that. It...irritated me to no end. I had a dream about this same kind of scenario the other day, but it was real life this time. I just wanted to say to her:
"The FIRST thing you bring up with me is always food and or exercising. Always. It's always about the weight - with me, with you, with somebody. Are you physically capable about talking about other things, at the very least to make me feel like you love me for reasons OTHER than how much I weigh?!"
I know a large part of my annoyance was because I'm not happy with where I am in my "journey", and I don't want someone making me confront it. On the other hand, when she was here back in September, she did the same thing - asking me about my gym habits and what I was doing, and how I was "making her feel bad" for all the work I was doing...I still hated it, and I was doing really well. AGHHH!!! It just makes me so mad. It makes me want to not talk to her, and that makes me sad.
Eh...I didn't want to end on a sad/irritated note, because now I have myself all riled up again over it. I'm gonna go try and find something to do that doesn't involve me eating myself out of house and home.
06 February 2010
Snowtorious BIG
Work? Okay.
Eating? Okay.
Exercise? Not great. (just the gym on Monday, and some heavy duty shoveling today)
I basically want to leave you with these:
Eating? Okay.
Exercise? Not great. (just the gym on Monday, and some heavy duty shoveling today)
I basically want to leave you with these:
What used to be my car
The back deck...this was only about noon - it kept snowing until about 5pm. YEAH.
I did that all by myself (and that was just one section). I am officially badass.
02 February 2010
Needing/Getting (song by OK GO from their new album. currently enjoying.)
A few things that are on the ol’ noggin:
*I did a little grocery shopping tonight. My cart was BALLER:
-baby spinach
-baby arugula
-granny smith apples
-baby carrots
-vitatops (cranbran)/vitamuffins (chocolate)
-frozen broccoli
-edamame
-kashi honey sunshine cereal
-low fat cottage cheese
Can I get a what what? Considering my shopping choices in January, this is AMAZING and felt as such. Not being ashamed while grocery shopping is something worth striving toward.
*The other day I started reading The Gunslinger by Stephen King. It’s the first book in a seven book series called The Dark Tower series. Anybody read them? My friend Kevin is a HUGE fan of them and we got to talking and I decided to read them. Gunslinger is really good so far. I love the way it’s written.
*I basically had two breakfasts today, I just had this feeling I’d need it. I’m CLAIRVOYANT. So I had my greek yogurt with cereal mixed in, and then a vitatop (cranbran) in the car on the way to the metro. This was around 7:30am. Work/temping got so nuts I didn’t eat again until 1:30pm! 6 hours later! I was starving. I don’t think I would have made it on one of those breakfasts alone. Yeesh.
*I’m going to my friends’ apartment tonight around 10pm, in my pajamas, and we’re going to watch LOST via Tivo (no commercials, holler) and it is going to be snuggly and fun and Lost-tastic. I’m going to be dead tired tomorrow morning but it’ll be totally worth it. Also? I’m taking the ice cream and Twizzlers** that I shamefully bought in a bad grocery store trip last week – in an attempt to make it like a fun! Sleepover! ….but really to get rid of it. I’m sneaky. And generous? …mostly just sneaky.
*Progresso soup reviews: I had the Italian Meatball the other day. Super delish. To be honest, the smell of it was AMAZING and the taste didn’t totally live up, but it was still really good. I also had the Hearty Vegetable or something like that, and it was also quite good. Basically like Minestrone but with pasta. Don’t forget – they are doing a Progresso Souper You contest that seems pretty sweet – go enter! (I still have a Giveaway to do for them/this whole deal, I’m sure you’ve seen other bloggers already do theirs, because they’re on top of their lives, whilst I am not! But I will do it soon. Can anyone email me with any tips for picking someone fairly? Isn’t there some random number generator or something? HOLD MY HAND I NEED HELP)
(**Okay, I might only take some of the Twizzlers. I feel very little shame in eating them as compared to other sweet treats.)
(Do I need to say again that Progresso provided me with the soup, the giveaway packet, and the information about the Souper You contest? I don't know how things work. Well I guess I just said it. I can sleep tonight.)
*I did a little grocery shopping tonight. My cart was BALLER:
-baby spinach
-baby arugula
-granny smith apples
-baby carrots
-vitatops (cranbran)/vitamuffins (chocolate)
-frozen broccoli
-edamame
-kashi honey sunshine cereal
-low fat cottage cheese
Can I get a what what? Considering my shopping choices in January, this is AMAZING and felt as such. Not being ashamed while grocery shopping is something worth striving toward.
*The other day I started reading The Gunslinger by Stephen King. It’s the first book in a seven book series called The Dark Tower series. Anybody read them? My friend Kevin is a HUGE fan of them and we got to talking and I decided to read them. Gunslinger is really good so far. I love the way it’s written.
*I basically had two breakfasts today, I just had this feeling I’d need it. I’m CLAIRVOYANT. So I had my greek yogurt with cereal mixed in, and then a vitatop (cranbran) in the car on the way to the metro. This was around 7:30am. Work/temping got so nuts I didn’t eat again until 1:30pm! 6 hours later! I was starving. I don’t think I would have made it on one of those breakfasts alone. Yeesh.
*I’m going to my friends’ apartment tonight around 10pm, in my pajamas, and we’re going to watch LOST via Tivo (no commercials, holler) and it is going to be snuggly and fun and Lost-tastic. I’m going to be dead tired tomorrow morning but it’ll be totally worth it. Also? I’m taking the ice cream and Twizzlers** that I shamefully bought in a bad grocery store trip last week – in an attempt to make it like a fun! Sleepover! ….but really to get rid of it. I’m sneaky. And generous? …mostly just sneaky.
*Progresso soup reviews: I had the Italian Meatball the other day. Super delish. To be honest, the smell of it was AMAZING and the taste didn’t totally live up, but it was still really good. I also had the Hearty Vegetable or something like that, and it was also quite good. Basically like Minestrone but with pasta. Don’t forget – they are doing a Progresso Souper You contest that seems pretty sweet – go enter! (I still have a Giveaway to do for them/this whole deal, I’m sure you’ve seen other bloggers already do theirs, because they’re on top of their lives, whilst I am not! But I will do it soon. Can anyone email me with any tips for picking someone fairly? Isn’t there some random number generator or something? HOLD MY HAND I NEED HELP)
(**Okay, I might only take some of the Twizzlers. I feel very little shame in eating them as compared to other sweet treats.)
(Do I need to say again that Progresso provided me with the soup, the giveaway packet, and the information about the Souper You contest? I don't know how things work. Well I guess I just said it. I can sleep tonight.)
01 February 2010
I'm not promising any repeat performances, but...
I TOTALLY WENT TO THE GYM TONIGHT, MOFO'S.
(Just 20 minutes on the treadmill, 10 walking 10 running - more like 5 walking, 8 running, 2 walking, 2 running, 3 walking - but still. I WENT. That 10 of running was actually more than I thought I would be able to do, so I'll take it.)
(oh and healthy eating today too. WIN)
(Just 20 minutes on the treadmill, 10 walking 10 running - more like 5 walking, 8 running, 2 walking, 2 running, 3 walking - but still. I WENT. That 10 of running was actually more than I thought I would be able to do, so I'll take it.)
(oh and healthy eating today too. WIN)
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