Q: Soooo where have you been, missy?
A: Um, generally hiding and being unhappy with life.
Q: Have you been eating well?
A: Do you consider a new obsession with McGriddles “well”?
Q: What about exercising?
A: The five minute walk from the metro to my office (and back again) and walking up the escalators.
Q: So…no, is what you’re saying.
A: Yeah, no.
Q: How much do you weigh?
A: Somewhere in the 230-240 range is my guess. I haven’t weighed myself in a few weeks, and that was many sausage, egg, cheese on a croissants ago, so it’s anybody’s guess.
Q: What’s your deal with breakfast sandwiches?
A: I don’t know, man, I don’t know.
Q: So what brings you here anyway?
A: A lack of motivation to do work on a Friday?
Q: No but really.
A: To say that, I went to the doctor a few times and found out I have borderline high cholesterol, so, I actually do need to eat better, McGriddles aside.
Q: How many McGriddles have you had!?
A: Actually just one, yesterday morning. But holy hell was it amazing.
Q: Anything else you’d like to share?
A: Yeah. Wellbutrin. I mean, I don’t want to share my stash but I started taking it yesterday. Between a really mentally/emotionally unhealthy work environment and my weight gain due to stress and emotional eating, I’m really unhappy…and I’ve been seeing a therapist for about a month which has been great but I need some extra help. Plus Wellbutrin is a stimulant and an appetite suppressant…
Q: Do you want Wellbutrin to do all the diet and exercise work for you?
Q: You realize that’s ridiculous.
Q: Well how do you feel so far?
A: Um, I’m sure a lot of it is only psychosomatic at this point, but, I feel good. It feels like I have more energy to do the basic things like…showering, brushing my teeth, cooking for myself, that were a struggle to do before, which were fairly clear signs of depression. And whether it’s psychosomatic or actually working, I’ll take it either way.
Q: Yeah that’s true. Well good!
A: Thank you. I was initially scared to admit that I might need it, and it felt like I was admitting that something is fundamentally wrong with me – even though counseling has taught me better, I still have perfectionist tendencies and I have issues with something being “wrong” with me. But I’m an adult and it’s my job to make myself feel better, so I’m trying.
Q: That sounds reasonable.
A: Sure, I guess. We’ll see in a couple of weeks when it takes effect.
Q: So, a low-cholesterol diet, hm?
A: IT’S LIKE THEY’RE TAKING AWAY MY HAPPINESS.
Q: Whoa there tiger.
A: I’m sorry, I know.
Q: Is this still about McGriddles?
A: THEY HAVE LITTLE TINY POCKETS OF MAPLE SYRUP THAT BLEND IN WITH THE SAVORY FLAVORS! IT’S GENIUS.