headlights on dark roads - snow patrol

"I will reach out and take it....'cause I'm so tired of all this fear"

I still sort of feel like a phony with the blogging and the tweeting again. But I have been repeating to myself all day...health & happy, healthy & happy. That seems to help.

I went to Zumba tonight! I pride myself on being able to dance - I have rhythm and some moves, but...I was TERRIBLE at it! But that's okay, it was fun; I'm looking forward to going back and getting better. And it's fun to sort of treat it like dance class, too. And I really like the instructor, she was cool. So yay! Now to see if I am sore tomorrow...

The eats of the day (side note: this is so sad....but I ate ALL THREE meals at work today. So...unfortunate) were pretty good!

Packet of emergen-c with water (I wouldn’t list it, but it is technically 25 calories, and if it has calories, it gets mentioned!)

Breakfast: pomegranate Chobani, half of a whole wheat bagel thin with PB&Co The Bees Knees peanut butter...the best peanut butter in our solar system.

Lunch: an orange! (I cannot remember the last time I had an orange…), and a sandwich: trader joe’s multi-grain bread, half a laughing cow wedge, one slice white American cheese, a few ounces of low-sodium turkey breast, and a slice and a half of avocado

Snack: chocolate peppermint stick luna bar

Dinner: Spa Lean Cuisine, Apple Cranberry Chicken

And lots of water and a cup or two of green tea.

I feel good. I feel good that I'm doing good things for myself. I am still having a lot of trouble with Bill (CRAP THERE GOES THE BAN...didn't even last one. freaking. day.) and looking for his praise to guide how I'm feeling. I need to fix this. I hope it comes with practice, and with time. I want to be able to do it without having to cut him out of my life...it's not his fault I have low self-esteem and he can't live up to my unrealistic expectations and constant need for validation...if it wasn't him it'd be someone else. It needs to be ME for once. I think this is going to take just as much work as losing weight...

healthy and happy...healthy and happy.

oops! part deux (and...welcome to my neurosis)

Okay, I'll give you one more hint about those "creative truths" - there are three facts/truths, and a sort of half-truth. So three and a half truths, and the rest are lies! MUAHAHAHAHA..hahaha...ha....guys? You still there?

I was SO sore yesterday from doing the Shred on Monday, especially my legs. I felt like I was maybe even limping a little! That's what I get for basically not exercising for three weeks! :-P

The good news is that I ate good things yesterday.

Breakfast:

*bread-free egg sandwich: We have one of those little egg cooker things that makes a nice little round egg, so I made 2 with egg subst. and put a piece of canadian bacon, most of a LCL wedge, and some ketchup in the middle. The egg was the bread! Good times.

Snack:

*Toasted Nuts 'n Cranberry Luna Bar

Lunch:

*salad: spinach, romaine lettuce, 1/4 cup feta cheese, 1/3 cup craisins, 1/3 cup chicken breast, 1 tbsp chia seeds.

Snack:

*1 serving of Wheat Thin Fiber Selects (in Garden Vegetable) crackers
*handful of Kashi Honey Sunshine cereal

Dinner:

*Trader Joe's Chicken Tikka Masala meal

***

Okay, this is probably premature to be writing about - but there is this EH guy that's popped up recently, and we have been emailing and gchatting, and it is fun. I noticed that my stomach was getting that knotty feeling during/after talking to him...like in a good way.

Here's where I get nervous - in his questions to me (one of the last EH steps...such a weird process) one of the pre-made questions he opted to ask me was "During a typical week, what sort of physical activities do you enjoy?" and....that got me paranoid. I have two reasons for this:

1: Everytime I see a guy on EH describe themselves as "physically fit" or mentions anything about being "physically active", I immediately think "He's putting that out there because he wants someone that's thin/skinny/also physically fit" - it's a nice way of saying No Fat Chicks.

2: This other guy about a month or two ago went through the whole process with me only to tell me that I looked slender in some of my pictures and bigger in others - he went through the whole process to ask me if the "bigger" pictures were older and not really what I looked like - otherwise, bye. So now I'm really concerned that everyone thinks this. I put up full-body pictures of me to ensure that anyone who contacted me got the point that I was overweight (I sort of hint that I'm working on it though, in my profile) and I don't want to be one of those people that misrepresents themselves. I already have the "dealbreaker" of living at home still - yes, a perceived dealbreaker, to me - and now I might have to add that "Images may be bigger than they appear" to it?!

So now there's this guy that I actually might like, and we totally click when we're talking I might sound really neurotic, but...I'm already assuming it won't work out. He won't like me because I'm overweight. I've spent my whole life experiencing "Guys that I like never like me back" and I've never known anything different. I know it's a whole other can of raging self-esteem issues worms, I guess I just need to get this out there. 

He invited me to hang out tonight but I said I had other plans. In my head I'm like "How long can I put off meeting him so I have time to lose as much weight as I can??!" and then the rational part of me says "That's a terrible idea". And then my crazy side doesn't respond because it's too busy drooling and gnawing on a doorknob.

omg...are you ready for this one....The Weigh I Meal

TWO-FER! Ha! I can hear you all groaning and I love it. You know, I'm not really that big into puns or that kind of humor but...for some reason...if I can get you all to roll your eyes (so much that I can hear it through my monitor) then I think I've accomplished something.

Also, any Matt Wertz fans out there? I enjoy him.

Clearly I'm in a good mood, so you can guess the kind of conversation that T-Dawg and I had this morning:

211

on the dot! That's a 3.8 loss from last week! I really worked hard on my choices last week so I'm happy it was reflected in the scale.

Also, here's my food from yesterday...it doesn't seem like a lot, but I woke up late and went to bed early, so I was full allllllll day, trust.

*Breakfast:

*egg scramble: ½ cup egg subst., 1 chorizo chicken sausage, ½ cup bell pepper frozen veggie mix, a dash of cayenne pepper
*1 Trader Joe’s mini whole wheat bagel with 1 tbsp polaner’s sugar free raspberry jam
*1 scoop Amazing Grass Chocolate GreenSuperFood mix with 8 oz unsweetened vanilla almond milk

Lunch:

*1/2 cup fage 0% greek yogurt mixed with: heaping tbsp of peanut butter, 1 scoop Amazing Grass Chocolate GreenSuperFood mix, about 1/2 cup of granola

Dinner:

*sandwich: garlic naan, 3 falafal balls, 2 tbsp tzatziki sauce, alfalfa sprouts, romaine lettuce

******

Here's hoping today will be a good one for everyone!

PS - the other day I had another one of my Steaz Zero Calorie Black Cherry Sparkling Green Tea (I think I'm gonna get carpal tunnel from typing that out every time) and this was the bottlecap message:

Damn straight, Steaz! (please excuse the poor manicure)

I'm here, I'm here!

I haven't fallen off any wagons, friends. Promises. I just...haven't felt inspired to post. I've been eating great but I don't really have much else to say. I'm lacking inspiration and feeling tired. I probably need to start exercising again, I bet that's a solution, she says as she puts her pajamas back on and scrolls through On Demand to see what movies are available...

I haven't been doing much. Yesterday afternoon, I did some grocery shopping. It was a dreary day and I looked like a college kid: 

I felt cute for some reason. I guess because I haven't worn those jeans in two years and I *love* that hat.

And I wore these shoes with it:

I love little splashes of color like that. Thanks, Target, for making fun and cute and cheap flats.

Got some good food. Frozen and fresh fruits and veggies, new bread (thanks for your input!), more greek yogurt, VitaTops, a couple of Lean Cuisine frozen meals, and some unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk - which tastes realllllly good with a scoop of my Amazing Grass Chocolate GreenSuperFood mix!

Since I did the shopping it's been nice to incorporate veggies and fruits back into my eating. I didn't have a lot to work with before!

Let's see...anything else? EHarmony updates...I'm "communicating" with a couple of guys. I got to the point of texting with this other guy last week, but...I just wasn't feeling it, I knew it wouldn't happen and just let that one go. I'm honestly kind of looking forward to when my 3 months is up so I don't have to go through it anymore...I'm not throwing in the towel just yet but...I think it'll be relieving to be done with it. Defeatest attitude, much?! The weather is killing me!

Yeah, I definitely need a pick-me-up. I haven't seen any friends since last Tuesday...nor have I been anywhere other than work-home-work-home, rinse and repeat! Oh man, I am complaining too much. Sorry, guys!

We'll end on the good stuff - the eating! I won't list all my eats for the last couple of days, but some of them were pretty tasty and worth sharing!

For breakfast, the last few days I've been eating the same PB&J Yoatgurt (thanks Janetha!) every morning and it is scrumdiddlyumptious every time. Agh I love it so much.

For lunch yesterday I had a sandwich: honey bran country bread (thanks Trader Joe’s!!) with turkey breast, mustard and romaine lettuce and 15 wheat thins fiber garden veggie crackers (couldn’t find my garlic & herb all-bran! These were good too though)

For dinner on Friday I had Trader Joe's Chicken Tikka Masala with a piece of tandoori naan. Sooo goooood.

yesterday's food. sorry no puns this morning! (cue all of you cheering and hugging)

I have a question about bread. But first, a digression. When I first started weight-loss blogging, Bitch Cakes was one of the first ones I started reading. She’s great, and really inspiring. One of the things she has incorporated into her life is clean/natural eating – as in, no artificial foods/flavorings/chemicals. I had no idea that sucralose was an artificial sweetener before I read her blog. So it’s something I’m aware of much more now, and have stopped consuming a lot of things I used to…but it’s still a work in progress. Like the sugar-free-but-not-sucralose-free jam I had this morning. So:

Arnold’s Thins. You know ‘em. You love ‘em. They have sucralose in them. WHY, AT, WHY?! So I want to see if I can find a new bread for sandwiches. I opened it up to twitter and got some responses (thanks ladies!) and now I'd like to ask you fine people as well.

I’d like it to be relatively low-calorie, but really pack a nutritional punch, taste okay, and be free of as many artificial ingredients as possible. Got any ideas for me?

Also, I know, I didn't post yesterday. I was too tired and chose my bed instead!

But I did eat well. Observe:

Breakfast:

Janetha’s Yoats again! Sooo good, kept me full for almost 5 hours!

Snack:

*1/2 cup cottage cheese

Lunch:

*1/2 cup parmesan couscous with 1 cup broccoli and 3 falafal balls, crumbled

Snack:

*serving of all-bran garlic & herb crackers and wedge of brie

Dinner:

*frittata! With lump crab, grilled artichoke hearts, onion and chive. It was pretty good if I do say so myself.

aaaaaaand:


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Little Bit of Meal Good

I can't force myself to construct any sort of decent narrative, so you get a list*

1. I drank 140oz of water today, and 3 cups of green tea. As Joey Russo would say, Whoa!
2. I have some award-getting and giving to catch up on, I'll do this soon! But thanks to you lovely folks for thinking of me! One day I'll improve my time management skills....maybe later.
3. I ordered a new iPod today because now my poor baby doesn't even hold a charge through the whole metro ride. :-( But yay, new toy soon! PS I ordered it online b/c it's $25 cheaper (Best Buy) and you get free shipping, and even with tax it still comes out $10 cheaper than if you bought it in-store or through Apple. Booyah. But I guess we'll see how confident I am in my choice after it shows up, hopefully in one piece, free of any tomfoolery.
4. Wow, only 3 things? I'm boring.
5. Wait, I thought of another one! Keri, WELCOME TO THE DARK SIDE. Heh.
6. Okay now I really might be done.
7. Yep.
8. NOPE! I just want to ask: Do any of you watch White Collar? It's on USA so I feel a little ashamed that I'm watching what 90% of retirement homes watch all day long, but....that show is SO awesome! Anyone? Anyone?!?!
9. Okay now I'm done. On to food.

*I wrote the following this morning, when the day was young and I didn't know that my coworkers chose today to be FRANTIC at ALL TIMES...ugh.

So yesterday the uber-cool Janetha ate what she calls “PB&J Yoatgurt” for breakfast. Greek Yogurt + oatmeal. Plus other goodies.

I thought I’d give it a go this morning…by basically copying her. It’s what I do.

½ cup oatmeal (I just used Quaker instant because I’m too lazy to make steel cut, at least in the AM)
¼ cup greek yogurt (fage 0%)
1 tbsp The Bees Knees PB&Co (Scuttleboose...I can't remember where I got it, I'm sorry!)
1 tbsp Polaner’s Sugar Free Raspberry Jelly
1 tbsp chia seeds (this was my own addition!)

Mix it all together and eat. …more like INHALE. It is SO GOOD. I can't wait for breakfast tomorrow morning.

Breakfast:

*Janetha's Yoats :-)
*can of V8 (in the car on the way to the Metro)

Snack:

*1/2 cup fage 0% with 1 tbsp honey and ½ a serving of PB Puffins (the last of them!!) and 1 tbsp chia seeds

Lunch:

Falafal: 3 falafal balls (heh..balls) with 1 tbsp tzatziki, multi grain arnold’s thin
*13 Newman’s Own pretzel sticks

Snack:

*3/4 a small granny smith apple, sliced with a wedge of brie

Dinner:

*broccoli with tuna and melted cheese (string cheese :-P) I guess it was sort of like a fake/deconstructed casserole. It was pretty good!

Party at a Rich Food's House

(Song is off Ke$ha's new album. It pains me a little to use that dollar sign, but I have to do her justice. I haven't actually listened to that particular song, but I'm slightly ashamed to say I like Kiss N Tell, Your Love is My Drug, and obbbviiiii Tik Tok. Sometimes I have the musical palate of a tween.)

Not much on my mind other than, I need to somehow get into the exercise groove again. I think one of the things that prevents me from going is my idea that once I’m there I have to run the fastest and the longest, and then bust my ass on weights, and then do MORE cardio and basically Biggest-Loser-Last-Chance-Workout-It every. single. time. and it feels insurmountable and I give up before I even start. I need to not set the bar so high, in that sense.

I know a lot of you are probably thinking that I should be doing that kind of workout every time, because you are! I read blogs, I see! And once I do start getting into a rhythm, it doesn’t take long before I see if I can push a little more, or sneak in a few more reps…I just hate that I set an unreachable goal that prevents me from moving at all. I need to aim lower, at least at first.

My eating is great now and I'm proud of it, and crawling out of the black hole that was January didn’t happen by going zero to sixty. In fact I’m sometimes even hyperaware of my eating, because I don’t want to start “seeing if I can eat a little less” every day, because I’ve done it before and it doesn’t lead anywhere good. Did I ever tell you about the time in grad school when I basically challenged myself to subsist on nothing but a Sugar Free Red Bull all day? I won the challenge but lost…me? Integrity? I don’t know what I lost but…it was unhealthy.

Anyway my point is that I really want to work on keeping things steady. My eating is steady (for now, one day at a time and such) and I want my workouts to be that way too…so I just need to get there.

Breakfast:

*half a WW bagel with 1 tbsp The Bees Knees PB&Co, and 1 tbsp chia seeds sprinkled on top. (not a bad combo! Though don’t eat it in front of other people because the seeds-in-teeth ratio is WAY UP on this one)

Lunch:

*peach chobani with 1 tbsp chia seeds
*sandwich: ¼ granny smith apple, sliced, small wedge of brie (sliced), few slices of turkey breast, small handful of craisins
*13 Newman’s Own pretzel sticks

Snack:
*1/2 cup cottage cheese

Another “Snack”:
*Amazing Grass Chocolate GreenSuperFood drink powder

Dinner:

*WW Smart Ones Lasagna Florentine

Haven't Met Food Yet

(Um, I love Michael Buble's new song. Plus he's adorable. And it makes me think of Hamm & Buble. "...you are on the thinnest of ice." hee!)

I really did eat things yesterday, I swear! I just went to bed absurdly early and just...too...lazy.....*snores*

So anyhoodle, here's what I ate yesterday. You'll notice a lack of vegetables and fruit. I'm trying to hold off on grocery shopping until this weekend and just use what I have for now. I've got some artichoke hearts in the fridge and a little bit of spinach left...and that's it!

Also, I've seen people eating spaghetti squash again recently and I've never had it, and I want to jump on that bandwagon - where are you getting your spaghetti squash? Aren't they not in season anymore? I mean, you can get a lot of things out of season (I'm not going to bust out into a carbon-footprint rant, fear not) but...I don't think I've seen them anywhere recently.

Breakfast:

*1 Oikos 0% greek yogurt w/ honey and ¾ cup Kashi Honey Sunshine cereal and 1 tbsp chia seeds

Lunch:

*tuna sandwich: 1/3 tuna salad (can of tuna with 2 tbsp light mayo, divided in thirds), handful of spinach, 3 bread and butter pickles, slice of avocado
*Progresso Chicken Rotini soup

Snack:

*½ cup fage 0%, 1 scoop/serving chocolate green superfood, 1/3 cup granola, 1 tbsp chia seeds, 1 tbsp The Bees Knees PB&Co

Dinner:

*Trader Joe’s Vegetable Masala patty
*1/2 cup egg subst. with 1 oz. feta cheese, caramelized onions and a little bit of ketchup

Carlito's Weigh

I’m back! Haha, I took a break Sunday because…you can guess how one feels after spending a night with her old college friends? Fun, but…I was a little slower than usual on Sunday!

The rest of Saturday’s eating was okay…I had lunch out with other old college friends, I got a sandwich called The Rhysdale: “Smoked turkey, cranberry spread, herbed cream cheese & petit greens” It was really good! And, okay, I got it with sweet potato fries. Which were delicious. But I left some of everything on the plate, even though I wanted to inhale it!

Dinner wasn’t really dinner, it was grazing at the food set out at the party. I ate a little more because I was also drinking (see: Sunday, slow moving) and I didn’t want things to get unfortunate! I had some grapes, a few potato chips and tortilla chips, a small piece of cheese, LOTS of cucumber slices and baby carrots, a few dips of hummus, wheat thins, bread/cheese things called mozzarella bites, oh and a few bites of this cheese dip stuff. It was all pretty tasty. I drank more than I normally do, but definitely not to the extent that I did in my actual college days! So I’m okay with it, and choosing to ignore the amount of calories I may have ingested that night!

On Sunday, after driving home, I had breakfast/lunch, (Trader Joe’s chicken tikka malala and a piece of tandoori naan) and then tried to stay awake…and failed. I took a really long nap. Then I did a little housekeeping, drank a chocolate greensuperfood mix, then went to bed.

But true to form, I got on the scale this morning!

214.8

I’ll take it! It’s 2 pounds less than last week and includes a day off AND night of drinking, so I can’t complain!

(oh also, you’ll notice I’m posting this a bit later…I took a mental health day from work – after a weekend?, you say skeptically…yes, after a weekend, I basically have anxiety every time I go into work so…I didn’t really feel like it today)

Now I’m off to go see if I can make my day somewhat productive. We’ll see how that works out!

Surf foooods with attitudes...

Okay loves, I need to get ready and pack and such for my little trip, so I’ll just leave you with my breakfast eats and a little treat.

Breakfast:

*Strawberry Chobani with 2 tbsp chia seeds (gotta get ‘em all in today!)
*everything bagel, ¼ cup egg subst., ketchup, 2 slices avocado, 1 LCL wedge.
Biiig breakfast. Gotta be ready for my trip!

I think I’m also gonna make a smoothie or something to take down with me. This is all so I don’t overeat when I’m out at lunch, or make a really unhealthy choice. Maybe a little Chocolate GreenSuperFood mix, milk, ice, banana, and spinach perhaps?

And now, this silliness should hold you over until I make my glorious return tomorrow:

Bandwagon, Jumping on the.

I think I’m going to call it an early night for myself here pretty soon – I’m heading down to Richmond, VA tomorrow to have lunch with my old little (fun fact! In college, I was in a co-ed business fraternity. I had three “littles”, but I really am only close with one these days. I was even in her wedding!) and then my old roommate is having a birthday party so I’m going to that. Should be fun!

(I’m also going down the weekend of the 20th – for another roommate’s birthday party, and my little is throwing a St. Patrick’s Day party. Par-TAY)

BUT FIRST!

So last week, one of my Whole Foods purchases was Steaz Zero Calorie Black Cherry Sparkling Green Tea.

They are delicious. So I was doing a bit of cleaning up this evening in preparation for my trip tomorrow, and I came across the bottlecaps of the two of four that I’ve drank so far:

HOW FUN is that?! I can’t wait to drink the other two! But I also want to savor them because…Whole Foods = Expennnsiiiiiiveeeeeeeeee.

So anyhoodle….I’m also going to jump on the “take pictures of your fridge” bandwagon. Everybody’s doing it!!!!! I only point out the things I eat, because it is still my family's fridge, and so there's a lot of stuff in the back that I don't even go near...

Like the photoshop skills on the Save-The-Date? The japanese is apparently our last name in...Japanese. The guy in the photo on my left spent a year there teaching English. Those kids are our family friends - the family that we've done Christmas and Thanksgiving together with for the past 15 years! I love them.

Top level: Steaz, Bread and Butter Pickles, Honey Mustard, and full-fat Ranch I don't touch!

Level 2: Pom seeds, Chobs, Fage, Oikos, LCL wedges and Cottage Cheese

Level 3: Feta, Brie, Goat Cheese, some pesto back there that I try my best to avoid, tzatziki sauce, and margerine - also avoid!

Level Quatro: pineapple, Trader Joe's Red Pepper Hummus, half a granny smith apple, eggs, english muffins, and half an avocado.

Crisper drawer! bean sprouts, artichoke hearts, baby spinach, onion, and lettuce. Unfortunately bare!

Turkey Breast, La Tortilla tortillas (GREAT stats!) and chicken sausage. there's other stuff in there that I don't really touch, I never venture below the tortillas really.

This is embarrassing. The freezer is a hot (cold) mess. Plus I bought like a million falafal things because I didn't want to keep making trips to the Heets all the time. You can see the Mint Choc. Skinny Cow cones I haven' had since Lent started, and my Amazing Grass Chocolate Green Super Food powder, corn, Chiken Tikka Masala meals from Trader Joe's...and...lord knows what else is in there.

Breakfast:

*Oikos 0% with Honey and 1 tbsp chia seeds
*1/2 WW bagel with 1 tbsp The Bees Knees PB&Co

Snack:

*BlueBran VitaTop
*AmazingGrass ChocolateSuperfood drink mix (just made it with water instead of milk…still tasted good, just not as rich)

Lunch:

*Tastybite Madras Lentils soup w/ 1 tbsp chia seeds mixed in
*sandwich: multi-grain arnold’s thin, 3 slices turkey breast

Snack:

*coffee w/1 half&half packet
*1 serving of All-Bran Garlic & Herb crackers
*5 or so pineapple chunks

Dinner:

*sandwich: turkey breast, brie, granny smith apple slices, lettuce on a multi-grain arnold’s thin
*13 newman’s own pretzel sticks
*can of V8

Meality Bites

Thank you all SO much for your advice! I ended up going with hair down, nude hose, a pastel cami and a semi-chunky necklace. It actually looked really good. I *felt* really good. It was just the right amount of "personality". Not sure how the interview went - I'm always my worst critic.

(oh, for those that said to lose the white collared shirt, the whole thing is actually a dress, with the shirt and the skirt attached so unfortunately that wasn't an option! Otherwise that's exactly what I would have done)

In other news, my order from Amazon came in yesterday, so today was my first day trying chia seeds! They are fun! They added a fun crunch to my yogurt and I added them to my hummus for dinner just....because! 2 tbsp is 70 calories and if you read up on the benefits....wowza. Good stuff there. So they add a fun crunch and apparently do wonders for your body?! HOLLER. Gonna keep up the usage and see how it goes! For those of you that are already on the chia seed bandwagon, how much do you usually eat in a day? I've seen recommendations anywhere from 1-4 tbsp.

And now I'm going to crawl into bed and get a good long night's sleep. Sweet sassy molassy, I am so happy tomorrow is Friday.

Breakfast

*Strawberry Chobani with 1 tbsp chia seeds mixed in
*egg sandwich: multi-grain arnold’s thin, 2 slices avocado, little bit of ketchup, and ½ cup egg subst.

Lunch:

*salad from Mixt Greens: The “Siam”: mixed greens, green papaya, jicama, mango, cucumber, red pepper, fresh herbs, spicy peanuts, marinated tofu and a thai lemongrass vinaigrette. SO GOOOOOD!

Dinner:

*1/2 a tandoori naan dipped in red pepper hummus
*sandwich: tandoori naan with a veggie masala patty with red pepper hummus
*steaz black cherry sparkling green tea

My Life Would Suck Without Foo(d)

Breakfast:

*egg scramble: ½ cup egg subst., small handful of diced onion and red pepper, 1 chorizo chicken sausage sliced up, slathering of ketchup :-)

Snack:

*BlueBran VitaTop

Lunch:

*wrap: La Tortilla Whole Grain White wrap, 2 slices avocado, 4 slices turkey, handful of bean sprouts, 6 bread and butter chips, tbsp or so of honey mustard
*11 baby carrots
*4 pinapple chunks – all that would fit in the bento box!! But they’re huge so it’s probably more like 7 or 8…
*can of V8

Snack:

*half a garlic naan
*2 tbsp red pepper hummus

Dinner:

*1/2 cup cottage cheese
*Trader Joe’s Paneer Tikka Masala meal (EFFING DELICIOUS)

Waiting for My Meal Life to Begin

Looking in the mirror this morning (at home and in the bathroom at work) I’m starting to feel more like myself. I think this seems to be the threshold of weight where I start to “emerge” from myself. Anything above, I kind of feel like an inanimate blob. But now, I’m just starting to feel like a person who is overweight. I think that’s kind of a huge thing. I know I shouldn’t even be of the mind to begin with, but it’s nice to start coming out of it.

Also, I have these Lane Bryant pants I wore today...they’re size 22 and WAY too big on me for me to be wearing out in public. I mean, I’m wearing size 18 jeans comfortably, but it’s always nice to see my change in sizes reinforced!

During SWL1 I only got down to the tippytiptopperson of wearing 16s. I was at 197 and most of my 18s were too big, and I could only baaarely fit into one pair of my 16s. I really want to get to those 16s. I know it’s a ways away, but it’s really kind of a mini-goal of mine. I can’t remember wearing 16s. To me that’s almost a “normal” size, at least relative to my own experiences in the past 6 years or so!

PS – I am preparing you now – I need some help with choosing an outfit for an interview I have coming up Thursday. I’m going to have a fashion show on the ol’ blog tomorrow night. Usually Mother100in12 gives me her honest opinion on outfits but she’s (along with Father100in12) still down in Florida! …no doubt mocking the weather we’re having here. But anyway, just be ready for that tomorrow evening!

Breakfast:

*1 Vanilla Chobani with ¾ cup Kashi Honey Sunshine cereal mixed in

Snack:

*1 multi-grain Arnold’s Thin with 1.5 tbsp The Bees Knees PB&Co

Lunch:

*sandwich: 3 slices turkey breast, 1-2 tbsp red pepper hummus, small handful of baby spinach, 1 garlic naan
*9 baby carrots
*half a red pepper cut in thin slices
*serving of all-bran garlic & herb crackers

Snack:

*BlueBran VitaTop
*half a pink lady apple

*cup of coffee around 3pm…how long has it been since I had coffee? At least a week. (another at 3:30! Sweet sweet nectar…) total of 3 half&half things, totaling 45 calories, and ½ a splenda packet, 0 cals but aspartame…ewwwww

Dinner:

*salad: chicken breast, spinach, ¼ cup of each: goat cheese crumbles, craisins, pomegranate seeds.

(had over a gallon of water today, plus 2 or 3 cups of green tea, I can’t remember! I write it down at work and then…forget to bring it home with me. Meh.)

Meal Simple

Today was a reasonably good day. Work was meh. Food was good. Water intake was great (over a gallon)! Exercise was good. I hopped on the treadmill for a fast walk for 30 minutes. I was definitely sweating!

Do you guys ever look at the website Cute Overload? Please look at this post, it warms my heart to an unbelievable degree.

Breakfast:

*half a piece of tandoori naan
*1/4 cup egg subst. with a few dashes of hot sauce
*pomegranate and passion fruit siggi yogurt (the Icelandic kind! ridonkulously thick and much more tart than any yogurt i've had, but i kind of liked it! i really liked how thick it was. TWSS!)
*can of V8

Snack:

*Cranbran VitaTop

Lunch:

*1/2 cup cottage cheese
*sandwich: 2 tbsp red pepper hummus, 4oz turkey breast, 1 multi-grain arnolds thin, 1/4 or so alfalfa sprouts? They’re kind of hard to measure. (SO GOOOOOD)
*9 baby carrots

Snack:

*1 serving of all-bran garlic&herb crackers

Snack:

*half a pink lady apple

Snack:

*Amazing Grass Amazing Meal (Pomegranate Mango Infusion flavor) right before I left work!

This one is by far my least favorite. Not bad tasting, but I liked the other ones much better. Like the chocolate ones for example. Which I ordered.

Dinner: (Apparently I’m craving protein like a what what, even though I had about 60some grams racked up from the day already)

I was preparing to make a salad, but then I didn’t know what dressing to use, so I gave up and put it all back and ate the following instead, and it totally hit the spot. – Yes, I was too lazy to make a SALAD. Ha!

*turkey breast with roasted red pepper hummus. (Take slice of turkey. Dip in hummus container. I am a classy, classy individual)
*1/2 a cup of cottage cheese.

Water intake was 132oz plus 3 cups of green tea!

Cracked Rear Food (Oh, 1990s Hootie. I miss you sometimes)

No time to fool around, kids! I have some work to get to before I aim for an early bed time. (I totally know how to party. Totes McGotes.)

Oh, but I guess I’ll tell you about EH: The Sequel. We went to a create-your-own stir fry place that’s located sort of in between our two areas. The food was okay. The date was okay.

It was definitely better than the first one, that’s for sure. There were a few awkward silences, like we didn’t have transitions or segues into new topics sometimes. After lunch we just walked around for a while. I think our wit matches up fairly well. I’m still not sure if I’m attracted to him yet.

I’m definitely more willing to talk to him further, maybe see him again.

When you date, or when you dated, is/was the physical attraction there right away? Did it build over time?

The guys I’ve liked in the past that I didn’t immediately have an attraction for, it built over time as I spent more time around them, since we moved in the same circles. It wasn’t like EHarmony, where you’re specifically meeting with the pretense of starting a relationship. That’s one thing I don’t like about EHarmony. I don’t think I’m good at going on dates, and that’s the only opportunity you really have to see someone in EH’s case. I suppose it's entirely possible that I'm not cut out for EHarmony, but I'm still going to keep trying through my three months.

I’m probably overthinking it. I guess we’ll just see what happens from here!

Breakfast:

*Oikos 0% with Honey, with ¾ cup Kashi Honey Sunshine mixed in
*cup of pinapple chunks (big chunks, maybe like 6 or so)

Snack:

*tandoori naan with roasted red pepper hummus
*cup of mint green tea

Lunch:

As I mentioned, we went to a create-your-own stir fry place. It was okay, my sauce was REALLY salty, which was unfortunate. But overall not bad and definitely not calorie heavy. The best part is that their website has a “build your bowl” tool and it simultaneously calculates the calories.

Mine was: chicken, water chestnuts, spinach, baby corn, peppers, and bean sprouts, with an asian black bean sauce. Even with two servings of the sauce AND chicken (which I’m not sure I used, I’m just overestimating in case) it comes to like 350 calories. Totally fits into my day.

Dinner:

*10 black olives
*6 bread and butter pickle chips
*spoonful of The Bees Knees PB&Co
*1/2 cup cottage cheese
*small wedge of brie

Holy WTF, Batman. Such a random dinner. But I went on the “What would taste good right now?” meal plan, and I just took reasonable portions of each :-P This dinner does basically make up almost all of my favorite foods.

Foody

(Would you believe me if I told you I've never seen Rudy? Haven't seen it. What is your "How Can You Not Have Seen That?!" movie? I guess mine would be Rudy, and...wait for it, I'm not joking...A Christmas Story. I have literally never seen A Christmas Story.)

Today was moderately productive. Did the grocery shopping, as I wrote earlier. Did some laundry. Worked on a cover letter. Yes, that is my definition of moderately productive. There were about 8 other things that I should have done today to make life easier for myself. Instead, I’ll wait until about 6pm tomorrow night to do it all. Once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator…but just later on.

Food was good considering it’s the weekend and I usually have a tough time with eating too much. But I did well today, I think. Thought not enough water consumption. I think I had maybe like 30oz. Yikes!

Breakfast:

*garlic naan with 3 tbsp roasted red pepper hummus (can you tell I like this combo?)
*4 or 5 pineapple chunks

Snack:

*½ cup cottage cheese

Lunch:

*hanful of baby carrots with sabra hummus, individual size
*sandwich: multi grain arnold’s thin, some of the sabra hummus, romaine lettuce, and 1 vegetable masala patty
*6 strawberries
*Steaz Zero Calorie Black Cherry Sparkling Green Tea (one of today’s Whole Foods purchases)

Snack:

*cup and a half of edamame! (with the pods and everything, I don’t know what it works out to with just the beans)

Dinner:

*the falafel salad I had the other day: romaine lettuce, red pepper, alfalfa sprouts, 4 falafal balls crumbled, 2 or 3 tablespoons tzatziki sauce.

I meal it in my fingers, I meal it in my tooooeessss (what's up, Love Actually!)

Today I had a “moment”. You may have seen it if you follow me on Twitter (which I probably shouldn’t/can’t do at work anymore…people are on to me, for serious. All the more reason I need a Droid so I can do it on my phone all covert-like. No one can keep me from procrastinating! – sorry, did you say something about wondering why I can’t get a full time job? I don’t follow.)

ANYWAY, PARENTHETICAL THOUGHTS. So here’s my moment. I ordered two things on Amazon today (see: Work Morals, Dwindling) – chia seeds and some Green SuperFood drink powder. Less than a month ago, I had no idea these two things even existed, and now I’m ordering them because I want to make them a part of my life.

And come to think of it – before this blog, I had never heard of VitaTops. I had NO idea about the existence of greek yogurt much less its benefits. I mean, beyond eating terribly, there was so much I didn’t know.

So today, I am just really thankful. Thankful for whatever possessed me to start writing this blog last August. And to continue writing. It’s funny – if you look at the archives, I wrote one post in August, and didn’t write again until a week later. It was such an impulse thing to start this and I wasn’t sure, even after hitting publish, that I would follow through. I am so thankful I did.

I am so thankful for all of you. Thankful for how freaking smart all of you are. Like I said, all of the food I never tried and now love, or all of the exercise tips (intervals, eating protein after a workout, etc) I never would have known had it not been for you guys.

For finding your blogs and connecting with you and learning from you. I never dreamed how helpful it would be to talk to people (even just online) that really truly know what I’m going through, that know what it’s like to wear jean sizes in the 20s, and that want so badly to never experience it again, or are just working towards happiness. You all let me whine, and complain, and be myself when it’s good and when it’s bad, and you still offer support and suggestions and ideas and humor and I can’t thank you enough.

Okay enough mushy stuff. FART JOKE!

…that’s better.

Breakfast:

*6 big strawberries
*1/2 cup cottage cheese
*half a WW bagel with 1 tbsp The Bees Knees PB&Co

Snack:

*1 serving of peanut butter puffins
*Chobani peach yogurt! (I cannot get over how much protein these things have. LOVE.)

Lunch:

*11 baby carrots
*sandwich: garlic naan, tbsp of roasted red pepper hummus, half a LCL wedge, a little bit of baby spinach, alfalfa sprouts (this was SO GOOD)
*small/medium banana

Snack:

*half a pink lady apple
*CranBran VitaTop

Dinner: (if you want to call it that)

*garlic naan folded in half with 1-2 tbsp roasted red pepper hummus spread
*serving of peanut butter puffins

Dinner was ridonk because I had to grab something in literally 20 seconds – between getting home and leaving to make the movie on time, I only had time to use the bathroom and throw something together so I wouldn’t come home and eat my foot. Or a cake. Or both. So I’m happy I had the sense to make sure I got some food, but not happy that I probably didn’t eat enough calories today, and not happy that what I ate for dinner I had already had during the day! I don’t like to repeat!

(Water intake was 110oz and then 3 cups of green tea, I believe)

Meal Big Fish

Ate good stuff today. The only thing that wasn’t great was the Progresso Soup – it tasted great but the sodium for the particular kind I had was THROUGH THE ROOF insane. Like 41% in ONE serving. How can a can of soup have 82% of a person’s daily sodium intake!? It’s not right. Good thing I drank a lot of water today (116oz plus 5 cups of green tea)

Really looking forward to the weekend. Gonna see Shutter Island with a friend tomorrow, do absolutely nothing and love it on Saturday, and then I’ve got a EH date on Sunday. Should be good.

AAAAAAND I'm going to go to bed in 4 seconds. I'm so tired! I need a good night's sleep, homeslices.

Oh, before I go, can anyone give me their experience with/opinion on the iPod 160GB Classic? (the new one with the cover flow and all that...)

Breakfast:

*3/4 cup egg subst. with 1/4 cup reduced fat sharp cheddar, 1 diced slice of canadian bacon
*1/2 cup cottage cheese
*1/2 a banana

Snack:

*one serving of peanut butter puffins (I took what was left of the box and portioned it out to make it easier on myself. I still resent this cereal for being so damned delicious)

Lunch:

*half a pink lady apple diced,half a banana sliced
*PB sandwich: honey wheat arnold's thin with 1 TBSP The Bees Knees PB&Co peanut butter. I heart PB&Co!
*1 serving of All-Bran Garlic & Herb crackers

Snack:

*9 baby carrots
*100 calorie bag of 94%fat free kettle corn (Smart Pop stuff!)

Dinner:

*Progresso Manhattan Clam Chowder soup (left about ¼ a cup of broth in the bowl)
*garlic naan bread dipped in TJ’s Roasted Red Pepper Hummus

You Make Me Meal So Young

…I don’t really have anything to write about other than what I ate and exercised. I’m boring. Ha, am I a better writer when I’m “tortured” and going completely off the rails with my eating? That’s not exactly incentive! I think I'm just tired - it's been a long day.

See: when I got home tonight I got out of the car and walked to go check to the mail (the boxes are all clustered together at the other end of the neighborhood). I still had my keys in my hand and when I got to the mailbox, I started to hit the "Unlock" button on my car's remote, like I was going to open the mailbox that way....YIKES.

Here, you can have some random pictures.

The two Luna bars I bought the other day but am saving until Lent is over...they are borderline sweets with those flavors!

I took this one two years ago at the SF Zoo. It still cracks me up. And yes, I've totally submitted it to Cute Overload.... :-)

Took this one on my phone during a particularly exhausting grad school study session.

Breakfast:

Egg scramble: ½ cup egg subst. with 1 chorizo chicken sausage cut up and a couple dashes of hot sauce.

Lunch:

*Trader Joe’s Chicken Tikka Masala
*4 strawberries and 4 BIG pineapple chunks cut up

Snack:
*1 100 calorie bag of Smart Pop Kettle Corn
*handful of baby carrots

*Another GreenSuperFood packet on the way home to the gym!

At the gym I did a 30 minute elliptical course, and then 5 minutes cool down, also on the elliptical. It was good times.

Dinner:

*1 Vegetable Masala patty (Trader Joe’s wins again!)
*Egg subst. “omlette” – egg subst. and a small handful of reduced fat sharp cheddar with a lil bit of ketchup on top.

Random but DELISH and totally hit the spot. Observe: