Mealing Beauty

Breakfast:

*cup of cottage cheese
*1 nature valley honey n oats packet (two bars in one packet)

Lunch:

*bowl of TastyBite Madras Lentils soup
*about 10 strawberries

At this point in time, I would like to thank The Matriarch for saving me from eating a very rich brownie. She had made some afternoon coffee for us, and brought them down as an accompaniment. I had been thinking about having one, maybe introducing sweets in controlled moderation just as a little treat. So then my dog went straight for them and she says:

“No no, chocolate isn’t for doggies! It’s for big fat girls”

(in my head): “WELL GUESS WHO WON’T BE EATING ONE NOW”. I know it wasn’t directed at me, because she actually took one herself, but…yeesh, does it have to be that kind of crap all of the time?

Then I had a can of V8 while watching college football. Because Saturday = college football.

Dinner:

*cup and a half of steamed broccoli
*rotisserie chicken
*orzo pasta (with thyme and lemon zest)
*salad with tzatziki sauce as dressing

Dinner was again a family dinner. I definitely filled up my plate more with broccoli than anything else!

The Taming of the Food

Breakfast:

*Egg scramble: chopped zucchini, 1 LCL wedge, egg substitute, salsa
*1 piece of whole grain toast with I Can’t Believe Spray
*Cup of black coffee

Whoa, the LCL wedge in that egg scramble made all the difference. Tasty. Momentarily renewed my egg substitute/salsa love affair.

Snack:
*sugar snap peas
*sabra original hummus

Lunch:

*tuna melt: tuna, 1 LCL wedge, half a stringed string cheese melted on top
*can of V8

“Snack”:

*1 …some kind of appetizer square that a family friend makes – no idea what it’s made of or what it’s called – there’s spinach in there, I think a fair amount of butter, I dunno. But it’s a baked square and mine was about 2 inches by 1 inch? Maybe?

Dinner:

*2 Lettuce wraps: ½ a can of chunk chicken, 1 tbsp of soy sauce, 20 crushed dry roasted peanuts, 2 romaine lettuce leaves


Boring food boring day!

Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans

I did something fun this morning. I did laundry.

(NO, NOT THE FUN PART. Putting away laundry is the bane of my existence.)

I did laundry because I needed to shrink my jeans...on purpose.

hee. :-D

PS I googled "shrinking jeans on purpose" and look what I found! http://shrinkingjeans.net/ Fun times.

Let's Make A Meal

Breakfast:

*cup of cottage cheese
*Two and a half cups of black coffee (YEESH)

Kept the breakfast light, because we went to Cheesecake Factory for lunch!

Lunch:

*Pear and Endive Salad (the description says: grilled chicken, endive, radicchio, arugula, butter lettuce, roasted pear, blue cheese, candied pecans and tomato tossed with low-cal vinaigrette)
*half a cappuccino that was approximately bathtub-sized
*one tiny tiny bite of the pumpkin pecan cheesecake

I got the salad without the blue cheese and tomato, and had the dressing on the side. I dipped my individual bites into the salad and barely used any of it. I think I ate about half the salad ‘cause it was so enormous. Good, though. I’m not sure about the calories in the cappuchino or the cheesecake, though I don’t even want to know the cheesecake. But my bite was miniscule at best so I’m not worried.

Dinner:

*one measley piece of whole grain toast with I Can't Believe spray.

Why did I only have toast and water for dinner? I blame the cappuccino. My stomach felt AWFUL and I just...ugh. I guess my body isn't used to a rich drink like that, since I've been drinking nothing but skim milk, black coffee and water for four or five weeks straight. My guess is that the drink used whole milk. Yeechhhhh. The good news is that my body is adjusting to my healthy changes, the bad news is that I completely overlooked it and I had to have just toast for dinner because it felt like I had the alien from Independence Day (yeah, 1996 WHAT UP! Aren't dated-but-not-yet-nostalgic references the best kind?) in my stomach. Blech.

SPEAKING OF DATED THINGS AND NOSTALGIA>>>>>

You'll note this is the second game-show related post-title. Can I tell you what this reminds me of?

SUPERMARKET SWEEP. I loved that show right down to those disgusting sherbert-colored sweatshirts. And you know they used the same ones over and over and they smelled musty and old. You know it. Oh man, I loved that show. And the strategy of the end part; go for the diapers and cold medicine and ohh, is there time to grind coffee? GET THE NINETY POUND HAMS!!

yoo haz fewd fir mee?

noh? fein, weuur inz fite.

I'm ok, I'm alright, Ain't gonna face no defeat, I just gotta get out of this prison cell, Someday I'm gonna be free!

Gym today was simple, hard, and good. (TWSS?) 45 minute course on the elliptical, plus a five minute cool down. I did it on resistance level 3 (I have no idea what it’s out of) and the height went from 6 up to 10 and then back down to 6. I kept the RPMs in the 130-150 range. There were definitely a few times in the 10 height that I did NOT want to keep going. Blech!

Two music related things.

1: I don’t know if you saw my recent post on twitter (I think it’s weird to call it a “tweet”…wtf. I also don’t like the term “blog” so I’m often at a neurotic and unnecessary crossroads) it mentioned my, um, appreciation for Glee Cast’s version of Somebody to Love.

Do you have songs that just make your whole body sing from happiness?? Because this is one of them for me. I just…love it so very much. For serious. I put it on my workout playlist today and then on my way home I put down all my windows, turned up my stereo and blasted this. It was AWE.SOME.

2: I am a big fan of Paramore and their new album came out this week and one of their songs, Looking Up, has some good lyrics to listen to while working out:

Could have given up so easily
I was a few cheap shots away from the end of me
Taken for granted, almost everything that I would have died for
Just yesterday,
Just yesterday

Honestly, can you believe we crossed the world while it's asleep?
I'd never trade it in, cuz I've always wanted this!
It's not a dream anymore! Ohhh..
It's not a dream anymore! It’s worth fighting for.
…
Can't believe we almost hung it up
We're just getting started
I can't believe we almost hung it up
We're just getting started
We're just getting started.

Mealin' Groovy (except not today...GRR!)

Whew. So there were a couple things I was proud of today, and one very big thing that I am very very very much not.

I am proud of my gym work today. It almost got bad for a second there, but I kicked my own butt a little bit. So as a continuation to yesterday’s post, I wanted to jog for 5 minutes straight today. At 5mph. Incline of 1. I walked for 3:30 then started jogging at that pace. I jogged and jogged and I was starting to fade and I knew I wasn’t there yet, and I made the mistake of removing the towel I keep over the numbers – I was only at 7:10. And then my hand moved to the Speed and I moved it down to walking at 3.0 or something like that. And I was so mad at myself. But THEN I said, this is bullshit. So after about 40-45 seconds of walking, at the 8 minute mark, I said, okay, here is your punishment. I jogged for two minutes at 5.2mph. And at the 10 minute mark, I kept going for ten more seconds. I was proud of myself for kicking my own butt.

I walked until the 13 minute mark, brought the incline down to 0 and then said to myself “Self, you are going to start jogging at 5mph. You will jog until you hit one mile or the 15 minute mark, whichever comes first.” and I jogged until a mile, and the timer was at 14:48.

So I still didn’t do the five minutes straight. But I also jogged faster than I have ever before, for a full two minutes (and ten seconds!) And I’m happy with that. I’m obese, I’m not Flo Jo. I’m gonna keep working at it little by little.

Anyway, after that little battle of the mind with myself I did a bunch of weight machines. I believe I did eight machines, two of which had three different positions or moves. And I did three sets of ten.

So that was the good part of today.

Now comes the very, very bad part. My eating was embarrassing. And unhealthy. And scary. Not intentionally, but due to a scattered, busy day and a lack of planning, this is all I had to eat from 10:30am to 7pm:

*1 piece of whole grain toast with I Can’t Believe Yada Yada Spray.
*a banana

THAT’S IT. NOT COOL, SELF. I woke up at 10 today and by the time I got downstairs, made coffee (which I didn’t even have time to drink, sad face!) and made the toast, it was 11 and I had to get myself ready to leave at noon to go on an informational interview. So I got ready and raced out the door and all I grabbed was a banana. Because I'm flaky and don't think things through.

So I get on the Metro and head into DC and have the meeting, and by the time I’m back at the Metro parking lot, it’s 4pm, maybe? And I forget about the banana until I’m in the parking lot of my gym and I scarf down half of it ‘cause I was worried I would get sick if I ate the whole thing and then busted out jogging and what not.

I ate the other half of the banana when I got home.

For dinner:

*cup of berry mix: blueberries, strawberries, raspberries
*”quesadilla”: Flat Out Light Italian Herb wrap, 1 stringed string cheese, 1/3 a cup chicken, handful of spinach

Dinner was good. And I had my own thing, because my fam and guests had paninis that I make but they were a little fuller fat and other things so I just made my own thing. And I was happy to get in an actual meal today. Yeesh.

I’m glad what I ate today was healthy, and I'm glad that I went on an informational interview and did some networking and got my face out there. But I didn’t get in nearly enough vegetables or fruits or even water for that matter.

The good news is that tomorrow is another day.

And if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go listen to the Glee Cast's version of Somebody To Love on repeat until I turn 87. Good night.

The Way You Make Me Meal

Went to the gym today. 40 minutes on the treadmill. 2.25 miles. About 5 total minutes were jogging. But I kept all of them at 5mph or above (I did 30 seconds on 5.3 and I probably could have pushed it out to a minute) and an incline of 1, which was higher than the last time I jogged at 5mph (I did it with no incline). So there was a little progress. I was definitely sweaty at the end of it. Happy that I pushed to 40 minutes, ‘cause around 25 I didn’t want to be on that damn contraption anymore. But I wanted to do weights less than I wanted to stay on the treadmill, so I made my decision :-P

Throughout the day The Matriarch would ask me questions about what I did at the gym, or how often I went, or what not. I know she wants to talk to me about that kind of stuff (not in a preachy way) like fitness and healthy eating, but…I’m still hesitant. I still feel burnt from the emotions I felt all of these years previous. It’s like I walk into the room automatically defensive. It’s just hard to shake the overwhelming shame I felt from my college graduation, and whether or not it’s right, I attribute those feelings with The Family. And, you know, if I were in a different place with myself emotionally, I bet I would view this situation totally differently. The Matriarch would come off supportive and interested and proud of my efforts. But since I’m sure I’m partly projecting my own self-judgments onto her, she sort of plays the villain unjustifiably.

I also notice that my mom is really singing my praises. Telling The Matriarch what a good cook I am, and various other compliments. I think she knows how I’m feeling, maybe not the full scope, but I think she gets the gist of it.

I’m lucky I have her. And my friends for being amazing and keeping me positive and not imploding on myself from destructive emotions. And maybe even I’m lucky for myself. Because I’m doing this for me and though I did make a few compromises in my dinner tonight, I still left and went to the gym today, even though I knew it would bring attention to me and “what I’m doing”. But I did it anyway because it matters. And I’ll go tomorrow because it matters.

Now, onto food!

Breakfast:

*Cup of cottage cheese (so happy to have this back!!)
*Toasted Arnold’s Sandwich Thin with 2 tbsp peanut butter
*banana (half of which was sliced on the AST and PB
*Can of V8

Big breakfast! But it was nice and filling.

Lunch:

*Lettuce wraps: 1/3 a cup chicken, three leaves of romaine lettuce, 2 tbsp soy sauce, 1 oz crushed dry roasted peanuts
*Glass of milk

Really good! Though I think I could do with less soy sauce next time.

Dinner:

*salad with tzatziki sauce as dressing
*green beans (cooked in water, salt, bacon)
*individual meatloaf from Ina Garten (Barefoot Contessa)
*individual potato gratin

Good dinner, but I was a little worried about the meatloaf. First of all, it was AMAZING and I really had to reign myself in. I had about half, and I just put the ingredients in the Spark People recipe calculator, and it came out to 430 calories per loaf. So I’d say I had about 215-230 calories on the meatloaf. And I’m pretty sure the potato gratin thing didn’t spare any calories either. And I wasn’t a big fan of the way the green beans were cooked, because of the bacon. But I did my best to focus on the salad, and the green beans even though who knows what their nutritional value were at that point. And since my mom served us all, I had 2 of the potato things on my plate and I ate one. I had a lot left on my plate. I think I made a good compromise to respect my mom and eat her food in front of our guests, but also hold to my own goals.

We watched The Biggest Loser tonight. Don’t read this if you haven’t seen it yet!!!

Good ep! I go back and forth on Tracy tonight. Sometimes I feel like she really is a little nuts and vindictive and I totally bought into the way the show played it out. Maybe some stuff can be attributed to editing, but ultimately you contribute to your image. But, most every TV show, especially a reality show, needs a villain. And it’s also often the nature of people to find a common enemy to unite themselves against, even when it’s unwarranted. (see: Me, The Matriarch!) Think about this – what would have happened if Antoine won the cupcake challenge? He would have had that responsibility and who knows what he would have done.

Though that’s a pretty weak argument considering how he *SPOILER* sacrificed himself along with Sean for the sake of Shay and Daniel. How sweet and emotional was that!? And HOW GREAT was it that he lost so much weight and is in a relationship with Alexandra!? Love it. They were sweet together.

**OKAY, NO MORE SPOILERY STUFF**

This show really makes me want to get going. I finished watching the episode and I am raring to go get to that gym and do cardio and weights tomorrow morning. And seeing that flashback of Daniel running for five minutes, makes me think that, YEAH, I should be able to do that too. And I think I can, I just need to get out of my head, or get in my head differently.

Well! Now I have to wind myself down after getting so hyped up. I should make it a rule to watch the show right before I go to the gym. That would really pack a punch.

Meal Magnolias

Breakfast:

*Muesli mix: 1 packet (two bars) crushed up Nature Valley Oats N Honey granola bars, blueberries, wheat germ, slivered almonds, 2 tbsp of plain yogurt and a drizzling of honey.

Lunch:

*Wrap: Flat Out Light Italian Herb wrap, ½ a can of tuna, mustard, 5 bread & butter pickles, romaine lettuce, 1 LCL wedge.
*Handful of baby carrots

Snack:
*Gala apple

Dinner:
*sautéed yellow squash and zucchini
*Chicken melt: toasted Arnold’s Sandwich Thin, honey mustard, stringed-string cheese melted on top!
*Can of V8

So, The Family arrived today. I was getting kind of nervous at the airport and I had to repeat to myself over and over what I had written (my On The Lam post) the other day. It helped.

Um, also, can I point something out? When we got their luggage and started to go towards the car, the Matriarch said “…and I’ll get my big be-hind…” and then when we were in the car driving home she was telling us how she had to walk a ridiculously long way from the terminal to baggage claim, and then added “but it’s not like I didn’t need it”

I thought to myself, self-deprecating humor is one thing, but this felt like something else entirely. And, I’m not sure how to explain it, but something clicked and then I didn’t worry about if she was going to try and have a “talk” with me about my weight. She’s just as critical of herself – and I don’t mean to say she’s critical of me, but…I guess that she was criticizing her own fitness/body, it made me feel like I wasn’t the only recipient of that kind of attention. Like, it wasn’t just me.

It also made me SO appreciative of the weight-loss blogs that I read and how positive everyone is. (Speaking of which, thank you for the comments on my weigh-in post today! I Less Than Three You. - <3, get it??) And even when the humor is self-deprecating, it’s still very clearly done from a place of nurture; I think, anyway. And that’s really the way it needs to be done. You don’t need to beat yourself up or say mean things about yourself – in the long run that isn’t helping anyone.

PS: My dad makes the world’s best grilled cheese sandwich. And he made them for my mom and The Matriarch when we got home from the airport. My god, the smell. Heavenly. I wanted one so badly, but I had already had my dinner before we left. But YEESH it was tough to say no, and then also tough to keep myself from eating something else to compensate. And it kinda feels like it’s getting tougher and tougher to keep making the right choice.

PPS: No exercise today. But I have nothing planned tomorrow, so I definitely want to go to the gym.

Are You Gonna Go My Weigh

Well, here we are. Monday morning. Weigh-in day. And I decided that today would be my monthly weigh in, because it’s been four weeks and I’m antsy to get moving on the next month.

So, what was my reaction when I stepped on the scale this morning, you ask? It was the following:

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!?!?!!”

Now, guessing game! Who wants to guess if that was out of happiness or blind rage?

…



……



………..



……………….


(this is starting to remind me of a chain letter with those dots…scroll down and if you read this post and tell 15 others to read this post, your crush will call you at 9pm!! Oooh!)


Sorry what?


Oh, right. The scale.


Fine, I’ll tell you.


It was:


244! HAHA!

I really couldn’t believe it. That’s down 4.8 from last week. Crazytown, USA. It also means I’ve lost a total of 16 pounds, and that I’m only 1 pound away from my NOVEMBER goal! This is great for two reasons (in addition to just being inherently great):

1) It’s like my version of weight watcher Flex points, but Flex Pounds or something. Holidays and all. I don’t want to make excuses, but every day or every week won’t be perfect and weeks like this help in case I falter later on. Not that I want to or that I plan to. I’m just trying to be realistic and be aware of the possibility.

2) If I keep weighing in ahead of my targets, I could maybe even reach a normal weight by next year. An extra 20 pound loss spread out over a year is about 1.7 pounds a month. I've definitely gotten that so far. However, in addition to thinking about failing, I also don’t like thinking about “the end result” too much. I did that last time and I think it’s good to an extent, but too much of it can lead me to forget about what I’m doing in the present, does that make sense?

So I kind of just talked myself out of the other two things that I said were great. But I’ve still got them in my mind, just not at the front. The front of my mind is currently rented by You Did A Great Job This Last Week, Inc. Though the former tenants of this space, I Don’t Feel Like Exercising Today And You Should Rest on Your Laurels LLC, are really making a strong bid to get the space back. If I have any other bidders, my rental space can be found (this week) at the following address:

 
 

Family Food (the popular game show? anyone?)

Breakfast:

*Chobani Plain Greek Yogurt, 1 tbsp apple butter, blueberries

This was okay. I like the yogurt a lot, but with the apple butter there was still a tangy aftertaste from the yogurt that I didn’t think went well with the a.b. The blueberries didn’t really contribute much. I think next time I’ll use the yogurt in my muesli concoction, or use more citrus-y fruits and flavors, or who knows!

Lunch:

*Lemony Summer Squash pizza: whole wheat and rosemary dough, with 2 LCL wedges mixed with a little fresh lemon juice and lemon zest spread on top, and on top of that thin slices of yellow squash and zucchini. Drizzled a teeny tiny bit of olive oil and salt and pepper over top. Baked. Shoved in mouth.

Dinner:

*handful of carrots and ½ a sabra hummus packet
*Tuna Melt (toasted Arnold’s sandwich thin, 1 LCL wedge, ½ a can of tuna, 1 stringed-string cheese melted on top)

Dessert/Snack:

*Banana, halved lengthwise
*2 tbsp peanut butter, ½ a tsp cocoa powder
*1 tbsp slivered almonds

Spread pb&cocoa on top of banana, sprinkle with almonds. Pretty good!

***

I added that little "You Might Also Like" gadget, and it seems to help if you have a picture in the post, so, here you go:

I always call people homeslice. Like all the time. So one day I got this card from my friend with this guy on the front with the message "What's up, homesock?" I love it.