healthy and happy. one of these days.

11 November 2010

the ups and the downs


breakfast was two chicken sausage links and scrambled eggs with some heinz 57 sauce
then i had about 4 lifesaver gummies and like 5 kitkat minis (fuck you, halloween!)
then i had chick-fil-a for lunch - root beer, about 9-10 chicken nuggets, and 95% of the small/medium waffle fries

then i went for a run! map my run said it was 1.92 miles. i was gone for about 45 minutes...i guarantee only like 10 of that was actual running. but i got out there!

up next, we have a happy hour with my grad school program alums. at the cheesecake factory. SIGH. at least i was smart and looked up the nutritional facts beforehand...because...yeesh. i'm going to plan for a glass of wine, some edamame, and if i get peer pressured into cheesecake, make someone split it with me and only have a couple of bites. we'll see if i can stick to it :-P

08 November 2010

current thoughts

* Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Cream Cheese might be the most amazing thing on the planet.

* I just ordered some stuff from the Breathe fragrance here: ...I’m gonna make out with myself, that’s how good it smells.

* Tonight for dinner I steamed some chopped kale, spinach, zucchini and broccoli and mixed it with some goat cheese and chicken. This was my first time cooking in months, but also my first time eating VEGETABLES in lord knows how long. It was really good. I’m an adult! Sometimes!

* I bought vitamins today. I hope I can make a habit of them.

* I weigh 216. I'm okay with it...just okay. I want to see it go down.

* A boy called me vivacious today. I think I’m gonna keep that one (the adjective, not the boy) in my back pocket for a while.

It's these little things. These little things peppered throughout the day that I need to pay attention to, to focus on. I'm all about the baby steps right now. No, I haven't made it into the gym yet. But I will, I'm letting myself get there when I get there. I know I'm headed there and that's enough for me, I'm being careful and slow and deliberate to ease myself back into being here and truly taking care of myself.

It really does take a lot of effort and time and I want to get it right. That's the health stuff but it's also the boy stuff. (and not even with the one that called me vivacious....what a tangled web I weave...)

There's an ongoing...something...happening and I'm working up the courage to broach the "tell me how you feel about me" conversation, and that is HUGE for me. Something like that takes a lot of self-respect and self-worth and you all reading this know on which side of that line I often stand. Especially because I think in my gut it won't be what I want to hear (I want this to be something meaningful) but I'm going to do my best to keep my mind and my ears open but still not accept less than what I deserve. And then of course, actually follow through on what I said and not chicken out. I am REALLY good at chickening out!

So there's that.

(How often do I tag food, dating, emotions, and thought? That is my LIFE right now!)


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