so tuesdays are my weigh-in days. this morning i was up to 241. in the words of gru***, not. cool. i suppose i shouldn't be surprised, but what i *should* be is still caring towards myself. i want to slump my shoulders and be depressed, but i'm going to tell myself, it's okay. it's okay. i can't say "you'll bounce back next week!" and mean it, i don't want to say anything that i can't promise. so right now, all i've got is, it's okay.
in good news, after my trainer appointment last wednesday, i went to the gym on saturday on my own, and worked on some of the trainer exercises i always have trouble with...i also did a couple of the ones i actually sort of maybe sometimes like. who knew doing a rope pull would be a "reward"?
in MORE good news, i got myself up this morning and into the gym at 5:45am for a body pump class. holy sweats-a-lot, batman.
(which, btw, i have *not* seen the new one, and i feel like i have to purposefully avoid half the internet. and i have to avoid the other half to keep spoiler-free on breaking bad. i'm only 2 episodes into the 4th season and i can't. watch. them. fast. enough.)
uh, what? right. gym. so after the 60 minute body pump class and quick shower at home, i set out on my 20 minute walk to the metro (DC's "subway") and basically just go ahead and start calling me smuckers because my legs were JEL.LY.
that was literally the stupidest thing i've ever written.
now, for the goals from last week:
*i will go to the gym (or exercise in general) two more times before next wednesday's appointment with the trainer. (YAY I DID IT!)
*i will walk *home* from the metro 4 out of 5 weekdays. (negative, ghostwriter.)
*i will make 2 multiple-serving recipes to have for meals. (nope, just made one. but i highly recommend it - crockpot chicken tacos - the EASIEST thing you will ever make)
okay, so...not great, other than the going to the gym part.
goals for the next week:
*NO TAKEOUT/DELIVERY/FOOD OF THAT NATURE. that means breakfast, lunch, and dinner. dinner is the toughest for me - coming home and eating carbohydratey and sugary goodness while curled up on the couch and watching tv is my (unhealthy) happy place. it's comforting and easy and distracting. so, we're going slowly find other ways to have ease and comfort when i get home, but it can't be takeout/delivery.
*walk home 4 of 5 weekdays. i didn't do it last week, so, i'm going to make it a goal again this week. i consistently walk *TO* work every day, there's no question with that, but the temptation of the 2 minute bus ride vs. the 20 minute uphill walk is too much, most days. this is a mental challenge.
*go to the gym two more times after this week's appointment. same as last week.
i think eventually i'd like to push this up to 3 times, so 4 times a week including the trainer appointment, but...to be honest i feel sort of fragile with all this. i want to take it slowly and in small little measurable steps. i don't want to overwhelm myself - i'm still reeling from all of the "overeaters anonymous" talk with my therapist (and still have yet to do it) and it makes me feel like i'm incapable of doing anything myself. so i'm trying in small, little ways do it myself. slowly and carefully.
the scale will do what it will. it's okay.
(***gru. from despicable me? ....anyone? i'm 29 going on 6?)