I have to write to supplement my attempts at talking.

I'm bad at talking to you. Case and point:

Okay there used to be a video here - but I'm dumb and can't figure out its formatting with the new blog template - here is the link to the YouTube video! My channel! All two videos! http://www.youtube.com/user/100in12

Point the first: CHINZ I HAZ THEM.
Point the second: Maybe I'll get better at talking. Maaaaybe.

So, what AM I talking about, exactly?

I'm sick of myself, the way I am now. Right now I'm still clinging to Bill**, we'll call him (that is not his real name), the guy I was dating last year that left a few weeks ago to work overseas for a year as a contractor. It's a long story that isn't worth telling, really...but here are the major points: We went on our first date in September, in December we really started spending a lot more time together, and on New Years he said I Love You, (I love/d him too) and he left on the 14th of January. (I knew this going in, he had already applied to the job before we met, and found out he got it like 2 weeks after our first date) He's going to be in a middle-eastern country for a year, and he doesn't know what he wants to do afterwards, which includes potentially NOT coming back to the DC area. We're keeping in touch and he tells me he loves me, that he misses me, and that I mean a lot to him....but as far as I know we aren't together. He's a great guy, and he cares about me, but his head is ultimately somewhere else.

I lost myself, I'll admit it. I lived for his validation. I still kind of feel like I do, even though he's far away. But I need to really make the effort to let go. I still love him, and want to continue to do so, but I need to get back to myself. I need hobbies, for goodness' sake!

Fun stuff coming up this summer that I referenced:

*A week in Prague and London for a high school friend's wedding
*A week in California for my godbrother's wedding
*My 10 year high school reunion! EEPS!

So like I said, some things that I want to feel happy for. I deserve to be happy and healthy, but it's going to take some work. We all know this.

Tuesday through Thursdays at my gym (yeah...the one I haven't been to since July of 2010...) at 6:30 they have dance/exercise classes. Tuesdays are hip hop, Wednesdays are Cardio Dance, and Thursdays are Zumba. I'm going. I'M GOING TO THESE.

I also have a Living Social deal for one month of unlimited Bikram yoga at this one studio on the Hill. I haven't used it yet...I'm working up the courage - I'm absolutely scared to go, being so large. I'm afraid I will pass out or vomit in front of a room full of strangers. I have to start it by March, so time's ticking on this one!

I have been better in the past week with eating. Vegetables. Cooking, not eating out. It hasn't been perfect, but it's better. Drinking water, taking vitamins...eating deliberately.

That's what I want. To get healthy and happy. For me.

(**NOTE: This is the last time I will talk about him..I'm banning it from this blog and my general everyday conversation topics...unless he ends up doing something SUPER out-of-character-romantic...which won't happen.)

Back from Katmandfood

Today was a pretty great day! Lots of successes.

First of all, I found out I scored a new temp gig! It starts next Thursday and it’s going to be full time and last for at least two weeks – it’s with a nonprofit in DC and I’ll be doing fundraising/development assistance type stuff. I’m really excited. It’s a step closer to the type of career I want and I can’t wait to get my feet wet.

This was all set up through a recruiter that I have been working with who has been an absolute angel. She really makes me feel like she’s paying attention to me, and invested in finding me work; whether she actually is or she cares enough to make me think she is doesn’t really matter – if I’m on this end, either works! And it clearly does since I’m gonna be working!

The best part of all this? I had to interview for it, and I wasn’t the only candidate. I was CHOSEN.

Can I…can I just repeat that?

I WAS CHOSEN.

I interviewed for something, was competing against others, and for once, came out on top.

That makes me feel so good. It’s definitely been a confidence booster for me.

The other successes for me:

Pretty decent eating! Had some greek yogurt/honey/Kashi Honey Sunshine Cereal mix for breakfast, along with a cup of coffee.

I did more light snacking throughout the day versus one bigger meal – had some strawberries, then some turkey pepperoni and string cheese, and then an arnold’s thin with almond butter.

For dinner I had some veggie crunchers (I need to take a break from these, I think. Step. Away!) and a ridiculous sandwich. I had a Weight Watchers bagel with 2 slices of American cheese, a little bit of mayo, and some bread and butter pickles. It’s actually one of my favorite sandwiches. I have the palate of a seven year old.

I also had a Diet Coke. I think there are about 5 or so Diet Cokes left in the fridge. Once they’re gone I am not going to buy any more.

So as I tell you about what I did this evening, I’m going to tell you something good, and something kind of shameful.

The shameful thing is that I have a treadmill in the basement. To use whenever I want and I don’t think I’ve stepped on it in…maybe around a year? I cannot remember the last time I was on it. But I feel guilty that it’s down there in our basement collecting dust while I pay for a gym membership.

The GOOD thing is that I actually used it tonight!

I was on it for a little over 20 minutes I think. I was maybe running for 3? The reason I’m not sure on times (or speed or incline, for that matter) is because the display is broken. And the way to change speeds is to push up this little lever. And it’s one of those old models that folds up, but when you rest it down it sits at an incline that can’t really be adjusted. Okay so really I hate this fucking treadmill but at least I got on it.

Between the combination of the incline and not running for four weeks, that little spurt of running just about killed me. It’s so sad how quickly you lose that kind of momentum, isn’t it? Yeesh.

Maybe the reminder of how much I hate my treadmill at home will be enough of a kick in the butt to get me back to the gym!

PS: Post title brought to you by a song off of OK Go's new album. Love them. And the video for one of their other new songs is GREAT.


OK Go - This Too Shall Pass from OK Go on Vimeo.

I'm a band geek at heart (Clarinet! Holler!) and did marching band all four years and everything. Love it.

Hi.

It's a new year and I'm throwing caution to the wind. This is me. Scatterbrained and wordy. It's 6 minutes long, I know. I don't know how to edit things; myself or videos, namely.

And sorry about the lighting, it's all over the place, much like myself. Oh and the audio is kinda crappy. I'm a filmmaker!

(Is it working now, for those of you that couldn't get it before? It gave me an "An error occurred, try again later" message a little bit ago, but now it's playing fine for me. Feel free to try it again! Or, this pretty much recaps it: Good Day. Haircut. Coffee with blog friend. Poor production value. I'm wordy. And weird. Fin.)

***Edited to add: I’m dumb. Becca’s blog is beccarunsboston.wordpress.com, not blogger/blogspot. She’s on my links over there, (Boston) Marathoner in Training. She’s all hardcore and what not!

So the rest of my day went swimmingly. I did a lil Wii Fit Plus. Only burned a little over 100 calories, but I was doing it to pass time, not to actually work out. I pretty much did the Kung Fu Rhythm over and over again.

My dinner was the randomest of random dinners in our solar system. I had a V8, a handful of turkey pepperoni, and maybe a ¾ a cup of pasta. I ate them all separately, mind you. But it was still kind of bizarre. But I got in some veggies (technically speaking, or so the can tells me…and if it’s printed on a product, it HAS to be true, right?!) and some protein so I’m okay with it.

The bonus of the meal was that I ate it right before I went over to my friends’ condo to play video games (honest to goodness, is that all I do?) and usually we eat when over there…but not this time!

PS, Random TV Crush Edition: Kup from Chef Academy. RAAWWWRRRRRR. Lurrrve him.

(see, with the extra words!?! I post a SIX MINUTE video and I've already made two additions to the post. Redonkulous.)

I love them. So. Flipping. Much.

Because. Just because.



Just Because Part 2.




PS Christmas is next week!? Can I get a SAY WHAAAAAA?! I can't believe it.

....what?

Challenge Wednesday!

So The Fall Into Fitness Challenge 09’s official WIs are Wednesdays. So this morning Taylor and I had our first Wednesday meeting.

Stupid Tangent!: I have now just named my scale. Unoriginally so, I must say. Taylor is the brand. But the Taylor I know in real life makes me smile, she is a symbol of comfort, and I could never be mad at Taylor, so I’m going with it!. End Tangent!

So this is what Taylor had to say for me:

229.8?

…..what? (don’t you love in movies/TV shows when they use the title in conversation?!)



(sorry for the video quality!)

On the one hand, the scale is going down: yay! On the other hand, why is it down so much in two days: eep. I know I didn’t eat a lot yesterday and I’m sure that contributed, but I didn’t think it would contribute that much. Yeesh.

Well, today will be better. I WILL go to the gym, and I don’t like going to the gym unless I’ve eaten something of substance.

Today will be better.

PS I'm gonna go ahead and keep my inches/measurements as they were before. I'm only gonna see what those are at the end of the Challenge to get maximum "wow!" results for myself!

Unusual Cravings

Here are some foods that I’ve been wanting recently:

*Cauliflower
*Edamame
*Cottage cheese (we ran out last week and I can’t stand it!)
*Every kind of squash ever…yellow, butternut, acorn, zucchini, you name it
*Baked Apples (OMG WANT)

Can I point out that these things are all HEALTHY?! Weird. Sometimes it surprises me how normal this feels to eat this way. It makes me feel good and 99% of the time it isn’t difficult. I fear getting too cocky because last time around I was. I said “I’m at [this weight] for the last time, never looking back” and I said “Under 200, never going there again”. And then I did. So I’m hesitant to feel confident in myself…it feels too easy right now. Sometimes I wonder if I’m still in the honeymoon phase of my weight loss, or if I’m finally getting down to business, because I already know what to do as I’ve been through it a million times. Am I really serious this time or is it just running on weight loss adrenaline and emotions?

Don’t get me wrong, though – I won’t spend my time thinking about it, because that’s what usually gets me in trouble. I’m just going to keep taking it one meal or snack at a time and that’s all I can do, with the occasional meal-planning-ahead. For example, I’m going to Cheesecake Factory next week with a bunch of people, and I’m trying to do some menu-scoping, though the nutritional value is hard to come by. There’s a Pear and Endive salad in their “weight management” section that looks pretty good…any suggestions?

And now, this:



OMG I LOVE THIS SHOW SO EFFING MUCH.

...I stayed on the treadmill only to finish watching Color Splash on HGTV. I just wanted you to know that.

Had another phone interview today. It went well, I think. I felt I was confident and said the right things. Ha, of course, this means that I completely offended them and I’ll never hear from them again. It always works that way with me. I think I did terrible = hired. I think I did great = Bye forever.

I had leftover nerves from the interview so I went to the gym – I’m hoping to train myself in some kind of pavlovian sense. Get rid of nerves/worries = Gym! Ha, and because I worry all the time this will be quite good for my fitness.

The gym today was good. I did 50 minutes on the treadmill. Only TWO were jogging. But they were at a higher incline and speed than I’ve ever done, so I’m okay with it. Being able to run an impressive amount of time or speed isn’t really my goal anyway. I just did a lot of aggressive walking, and changed the incline and speed a lot.

I really do love my little gym. It’s a women-only gym, because, um, have you met me? I’m a raging mess of insecurity; I don’t need to add any more degrees of self-consciousness than I already have! So I feel like I do have my very own trust-tree at the gym, which is nice.

The ridiculous thing though, and I know my gym isn’t the only one, is its location. It’s in a tiny little community shopping center, tucked away from sight. To get to it you have to walk around the outward-facing strip of stores to get to the other side – and you can get to it by walking past either end of the strip.

One one end? Dairy Queen and a seriously amazingly crucial Indian Buffet.
The other end? A pizza place and a wing place.

…seriously. The pizza and wing place aren’t a big deal for me so I go that way. I love pizza, but it’s a sit down place so…I’m not THAT tempted. And I don’t really like wings, too much effort is involved to eat those damned things.

But I love Indian food and ice cream (not together!) so I never ever go that way. I wouldn’t actually sit down at the buffet by myself, but the smells are enough to make me ravenous. And I don’t even think I have to explain to you the ice cream.

The other silly thing about my gym is the weight machines. I don’t know if I mentioned it before, but other than the times I’ve gone in the past couple weeks, the last time I went to my gym was in October of 2008. In that time they upgraded their weight machines. I’ve used some of the new ones before at other gyms but others just…leave me baffled so I avoid them. I’ll gradually try them, after I give the side-eye to people using them and try and figure it out that way. If I didn’t I would feel exactly like this:

Jokes.com
Brian Regan - The Gym
comedians.comedycentral.com
Joke of the Day Stand-Up Comedy Free Online Games

PS: Every single time I have gotten in my car to go to the gym, either the way there or the way back I’ve heard Shakira’s new song, She Wolf. Has anyone heard this? And does it do horrible things to everyone else’s central nervous system like it does to mine? I mean, I generally like Shakira; Hips Don’t Lie and Whenever, Wherever were my jams…but this song just…*shudder*.


Listening to: Wait for Me – Jamie Lidell

But I know, one thing, that I love you...Also, Breakfast.

Okay, the case of the missing camera is going into HyperOverDrive. The little egg I made myself this morning was so cute and pretty, and I wanted to take a picture of it…but I seriously cannot find my camera. I know it’s around here somewhere. I changed my phone ringtone last week and I need my camera’s SD card to do it, and my phone still currently has it. So it’s gotta be in here somewhere. Hrrrmph. And because I know you’re foaming at the mouth to find out my ringtone, it’s a little snippet of “Say Hey (I Love You)” by Michael Franti & Spearhead. This is Craig Ferguson and his crew lipsyncing to it for one of his intros:



I love Craig Ferguson SO VERY MUCH. I also love the song. It reminds me of a boy. Ugh, a BOY. We'll get to that one day. Anyway, the aforementioned cute and pretty (and delicious!) egg was a serving of egg substitute, poured into one of those little egg pan things, only with Pam, and then, fried? I’m not sure what to call this. I guess it was a fried egg, but to me that sounds like I used a half-gallon of oil and beer batter. Anyway. FOCUS. Breakfast.

Egg subst. With a little dollop of salsa on top.*
About ¾ of a cup of cottage cheese
Cup of coffee with a little bit of Sugar-Free French Vanilla CoffeeMate
Glass of water, fish oil (omega 3) caplet.

*It was so friggin’ cute! I used Jack’s Special medium salsa – have you had it? Seriously, it is amazing. It’s my perfect salsa. It’s not watery, it’s fresh-tasting, but still the flavors blend enough so that I can’t taste the tomato. Yes, I’ll admit, I loathe tomatoes. They are the one food that I’ve tried that I cannot stand. And I’ve tried them several times in my many years on this Earth. My paternal grandmother was a stickler about getting me to like tomatoes; “Here, try this [tomato variety] – it tastes much [positive food adjective] than regular tomatoes!”. Sorry Grandma, I just can’t do it. In all honesty, I wish I liked them. It would make my life so much easier – they’re on everything! And I would love nothing more than to eat a tomato, mozzarella, and basil salad for the rest of my days. Or make my own salsa with roughly chopped fresh ingredients!? But I just can’t do it. Le sigh.


Okay, now I’m REALLY going to get ready to leave. I swear this time.

Before and After

This is a great video. I love Before&After. So inspiring!