healthy and happy. one of these days.

19 December 2011

so here we are.

thank you for your comments on the last post...i didn't realize how much my anti-depressants were working until i stopped taking them. and what do you know, (un)surprisingly, now that i've been back on them for a month, i am doing much better. certainly not at the top of my game, but i'm trying.

i have been in therapy since april. but from april until about...october, i was mainly spending my 45-50 minutes talking about the guy i had been dating at the end of 2010 and took a job overseas. that's a whole rollercoaster that no one needs to go on ever again, but the point is that i really wasn't focusing on ME. and now i'm trying to do that. it's actually difficult. i didn't think it would be this tough to stay focused on my own happiness.

i got an email on the 28th of november about a black friday deal at my gym - if you sign up for personal training, you don't have to pay monthly membership fees. so i took a leap and signed up, for a 30 minute session once a week...for a year. i've been, what, 3 times now? i still get really anxious the day of, and dread it all day, but ultimately i'm happy that i signed up. my trainer is nice, patient, supportive, and pushes me but not to the point of perfection. and at least this week, i've been motivated enough to go a few more times on my own. so it's good and i'm trying to take it little by little.

i've been eating better, but of course have my downfalls. i haven't gotten on a scale in a few weeks. i don't want it to be about that. do i want to know if i lost two pounds or five? you bet your ass i do. but going to the gym and taking my wellbutrin and seeing a therapist every other week isn't about losing pounds. it's about being healthy. yes i know that means weighing less, but i want that to happen because i'm doing things for the sake of my well being, if that makes sense. it's a necessary and delightful side effect, or something.

so anyway. i'm trying. can i lighten things up a bit now, also? i'm a happy person, damnit. and yeah, i'm going through a lot but i still know how to laugh, for christ's sake.

*florence + the machine's new album is awesome.
*spotify premium is awesome.
*my christmas rap playlist is awesome.
*i am getting a promotion at work. awesome.

awesome thing i did today:

so that dude, the guy i mentioned up above, i wrote a post a few months ago that i walked away. well, he got in contact with me and apologized, and i gave him a second chance. and then he went and treated me the same exact way. so today i cut it off again, for good this time. and i was in the midst of eating pizza and ice cream, but stopped myself halfway through, threw away the remaining food, and went to the gym.

4 comments:

Kyle Gershman said...

I'm thankful you checked in...I was worried based on your last post and the quiet that followed. I'm glad things are starting to fall into place and that you have a very healthy perspective towards getting healthy, mind, body, AND soul.

Half Chinked said...

Hey there. It's been awhile. Hope you are doing well.

The Swan in.me said...

I am soooo glad you stopped by! Now please blog regularly again. Thanks! Hahaha

Mrs Swan said...

misssssssing u

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