healthy and happy. one of these days.

24 March 2010

oops! part deux (and...welcome to my neurosis)

Okay, I'll give you one more hint about those "creative truths" - there are three facts/truths, and a sort of half-truth. So three and a half truths, and the rest are lies! MUAHAHAHAHA..hahaha...ha....guys? You still there?

I was SO sore yesterday from doing the Shred on Monday, especially my legs. I felt like I was maybe even limping a little! That's what I get for basically not exercising for three weeks! :-P

The good news is that I ate good things yesterday.


*bread-free egg sandwich: We have one of those little egg cooker things that makes a nice little round egg, so I made 2 with egg subst. and put a piece of canadian bacon, most of a LCL wedge, and some ketchup in the middle. The egg was the bread! Good times.


*Toasted Nuts 'n Cranberry Luna Bar


*salad: spinach, romaine lettuce, 1/4 cup feta cheese, 1/3 cup craisins, 1/3 cup chicken breast, 1 tbsp chia seeds.


*1 serving of Wheat Thin Fiber Selects (in Garden Vegetable) crackers
*handful of Kashi Honey Sunshine cereal


*Trader Joe's Chicken Tikka Masala meal


Okay, this is probably premature to be writing about - but there is this EH guy that's popped up recently, and we have been emailing and gchatting, and it is fun. I noticed that my stomach was getting that knotty feeling during/after talking to in a good way.

Here's where I get nervous - in his questions to me (one of the last EH steps...such a weird process) one of the pre-made questions he opted to ask me was "During a typical week, what sort of physical activities do you enjoy?" and....that got me paranoid. I have two reasons for this:

1: Everytime I see a guy on EH describe themselves as "physically fit" or mentions anything about being "physically active", I immediately think "He's putting that out there because he wants someone that's thin/skinny/also physically fit" - it's a nice way of saying No Fat Chicks.

2: This other guy about a month or two ago went through the whole process with me only to tell me that I looked slender in some of my pictures and bigger in others - he went through the whole process to ask me if the "bigger" pictures were older and not really what I looked like - otherwise, bye. So now I'm really concerned that everyone thinks this. I put up full-body pictures of me to ensure that anyone who contacted me got the point that I was overweight (I sort of hint that I'm working on it though, in my profile) and I don't want to be one of those people that misrepresents themselves. I already have the "dealbreaker" of living at home still - yes, a perceived dealbreaker, to me - and now I might have to add that "Images may be bigger than they appear" to it?!

So now there's this guy that I actually might like, and we totally click when we're talking I might sound really neurotic, but...I'm already assuming it won't work out. He won't like me because I'm overweight. I've spent my whole life experiencing "Guys that I like never like me back" and I've never known anything different. I know it's a whole other can of raging self-esteem issues worms, I guess I just need to get this out there. 

He invited me to hang out tonight but I said I had other plans. In my head I'm like "How long can I put off meeting him so I have time to lose as much weight as I can??!" and then the rational part of me says "That's a terrible idea". And then my crazy side doesn't respond because it's too busy drooling and gnawing on a doorknob.


Rebecca said...


i know what you mean but your so damn funny, seriously... just go for it!

Anonymous said...

We all know guys can be jerks and it sounds like the one who asked you about your pics was. From what you said though, it doesn't sound like the current guy has said or done anything of that nature so I'd give him the benefit of the doubt for now.

One thing I learned the hard way is that losing weight won't make you happy or solve all your problems, I lost weight and was still unhappy in my marriage and decided to end it. Not the easiest decision by far but not worth being unhappy either. Don't wait on life until you lose weight. Enjoy the now. You are doing great and you should celebrate it!

Ashley said...

I used that same EH question when I was on EH, and it had nothing to do with assessing if the other person was in super good shape (which I'm not). For me, it was more to assess common interests and if I thought he'd be up for walking/hiking with my dog. But since I'm a girl I don't know if my perspective is transferable to guys. Also, as to pictures, I'd put up a full length picture of you doing something sporty (doing a local 5K and taking a picture of yourself wearing your number at the start of the race is a particularly good one) so that you look fun and interesting and like you have diverse hobbies.

FitFunk said...

I still ache from Shred two days ago, especially my calves! Yet I don't remember any calf moves? I think it's all the butt-kicking and jump rope in the cardio segment!

EH: yeeeeeeeah. I hate that guy who got all scotland yard on your photos. I met BF online almost 2 years ago and kissed a lot of online frogs (so to speak, not literally) before that. Generally I think it's better to meet in person earlier. Otherwise a guy can become a virtual pen-pal / pretend boyfriend who in real-life doesn't mesh with what you've built him up to be in your head or there's disappointment if he's not into you after putting X weeks into chatting online. OK, now I'm just projecting my experiences onto you!

Anonymous said...

Laura, I can totally relate to that feeling of nobody wanting you anyway. But I am really excited for you, I say just go for it with the guy you like - better to find out now if he is going to be a winner or not, that way you don't waste anymore time with him! :) Keep us posted, I'm dying to hear how it goes!

266 said...

Sorry you are in your head about this. I say meet him. One way or the other, it will be for the best!

Kat said...

Dude, I know what you mean. I wish I could say something like "just meet him and spit in his face if he turns up his nose at you!" because most likely he won't, so you won't have to. Here's where I puss out on the "supportive friend" responsibilities - you just described my exact reaction to even THINKING about dating. I'm worried dudes won't date me because of my weight, I've experienced dating snafus because of my weight in the past, so I just avoid and get even more cynical.

But in putting on my big-girl-good-friend panties, I say meet him. Maybe he was just asking because he himself is looking to work out more and wants someone who is like-minded?

Anonymous said...

First of all... you're adorable. Secondly, I know exactly how you feel. I've decided to wait until I'm comfortable with my weight and myself to start looking for a relationship, or even being open to one. Good luck with EH, I hope it works out for you! :)

The Monkey and Me said...

I agree - meet as soon as possible - not later, so you'll know if YOU want to spend your time on THEM and not the other way around. Been there done that. You are the prize. Keep saying that to yourself, repeatedly forever. I understand exactly how you feel. You are very goal driven and that is such an admirable trait - anyone who doesn't see that is the neurotic one.


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