I actually wanted to post a full post earlier today, and my plan was to get into work early and do it there (hi, I'm a good employee!) but then...dc traffic ruins everything. Anyhoodle, here's what I really want to say, that's been on my mind.
I am constantly saying things. Constantly. And I'm feeling like I never actually follow through on what I say.
"I'm going to blog more"
"I need to get back into the gym"
"I'm going to start blogging again"
"I need to just...keep cool and see how it goes"
"I need to just suck it up and be a good friend"
"I need to let him make the next move, let HIM contact ME"
Rarely do I feel like I follow through on these things anymore. I chicken out - I choose selfishness over giving. I choose giving into insecurity and self-loathing and worst-case scenario (with a dash of soap-opera level theatrics) over rational thought. I choose someone else's value (or perceived/projected value) of me over my own.
(Also, can I ask a very real question? How can I be so narcissistic and simultaneously self-loathing? I'm self-centered and yet, really don't like myself in so many ways. One...that's no way to live. But two...how is that even possible?)
I really...want to be better at this. And I don't want it to be just another thing that I say....I hope it isn't.
Hi, I missed you guys. I hope you might read this, if you ever stop by. I haven't even checked my statreader to see if anyone does... I hope you are doing well. I'm okay, if you're wondering. It's late, and I haven't gotten much sleep the past couple of days, today was an emotionally draining day and I am running on empty - so the melodramatics are admittedly a little high right now. (And I've also been PMS Smurf for the past two weeks) but...I wanted to just express myself to a group I've neglected and who knows a lot of what I'm going through.
Hopefully more soon. On dating. On me. On my trip to the Bay Area and The Family and The Matriarch. Maybe a little on work, but I'm very anti-talking-about-work-on-the-internet, so....maybe not too much of that.
05 November 2010
01 August 2010
Please excuse the stream of consciousness below...
So here's the thing.
Actually - first - let me say upfront that I'm at 214. Weighed myself the other day. I'm not exactly happy about it, but I know it could be worse, and I seem to be maintaining well. So I'm holding on that for now to say a few more things.
You all know my history with The Family - The Matriarch - who is my godmother who does a really good job at reinforcing my abysmal-to-non-existent self esteem. So my parents and I are going out there at the end of September to surprise her for her 65th birthday.
I was looking forward to it for about a week, and then the dread set in.
More insecurity. More feeling like my worth is based on my pants size. More comments about "brownies are for big fat girls" (she made that comment last year, thank god the comment wasn't directed at me, but those kind of things stick with you)
***
You all know I *FINALLY* got a job in my chosen field back in May. I've been there almost 3 months now, and it's going really well. I feel like I fit in, and the work is challenging but interesting. I truly feel like I am where I am supposed to be. (Don't get me wrong: I am there on weekends sometimes, working from 7am to 8:30pm on some days; it's demanding, but there is at least a decent sense of satisfaction to be had)
One of my coworkers, who you would consider my Office BFF, is a large-and-in-charge woman. She's my age, about 3 inches taller than me, but weighs well into the 300s, I'd wager. She's had severe asthma her whole life, so I suspect the inability to play and move around as a kid turned into a vicious cycle into her adulthood. Anyway, this woman has the healthiest body image of anyone I have ever met. She loves herself unabashedly and wholeheartedly. She acknowledges and appreciates every inch of her body.
***
I'm being 100% honest, I cannot wrap my mind around it. And I feel like it makes me a terrible person, and whether it's right or wrong, it makes me feel like I'm a victim of the poor self-images of many of the women in my life. My godmother, my grandmother when she was alive, even my mother a lot of the time are the big culprits here, but a lot of my girlfriends are not without the negative side comments about themselves for not weighing less or wearing a smaller size.
Over my 27 years on this planet, I've just adopted the noise. I've assumed they're right and spent my time hating my body at all its sizes.
So from this point on, I'm going to focus on loving myself. I'm not going to get anywhere until I actually genuinely care about myself, and learn to appreciate the body that I have. I'm living on my own now (or, with 2 roommates, but out of the parents house finally. It's going great, by the way!) and it's time for me to define my own outlooks on, well, just about everything.
Now, that doesn't mean I'm giving myself license to eat whatever I want, or be lazy, but, I'm not going to focus at all on that - I need to focus on my heart, on my emotional body. I know, I'm rolling my eyes a little bit too. But I'm sick of feeling this dread and shame when I go to visit my godmother. And my mother too, but she just doesn't talk about it as much as my godmother does.
Also, I don't think that my godmother's birthday party weekend is the right time to have a conversation about it, but I'm entertaining the idea that at some point, I might have to have this conversation with her about how she makes me feel.
I'm 99% sure she is projecting her own negative body images onto me. And you know what? I just don't need that shit, plain and simple. I'm sick of it. And I know she's not entirely to blame - I'm letting myself feel that way, and that's where I want the change to happen. I need to build up my own self-image. My godmother's lack of healthy body-image shouldn't be my problem, and I want to be strong enough so that I don't internalize it.
I have no idea how I'm actually going to do any of this, but I just know that I need to start loving myself. No more 100in12, no more numbers (okay, maybe numbers here and there - I want to feel better about myself but I also don't deserve to have my hard work destroyed) (Plus I've been itching to change the design of this blog and now I have a good reason to do it!)
I want to start writing again - because I think it's good for me, and it'll help work out the crazy, I think. So I just need to find a way to a path that combines loving myself with taking care of myself and my health. I haven't the slightest idea as to how that's going to go (probably not smoothly?) but, I just wanted to throw that out there.
That's the new project. Taking care of and learning to love myself.
Actually - first - let me say upfront that I'm at 214. Weighed myself the other day. I'm not exactly happy about it, but I know it could be worse, and I seem to be maintaining well. So I'm holding on that for now to say a few more things.
You all know my history with The Family - The Matriarch - who is my godmother who does a really good job at reinforcing my abysmal-to-non-existent self esteem. So my parents and I are going out there at the end of September to surprise her for her 65th birthday.
I was looking forward to it for about a week, and then the dread set in.
More insecurity. More feeling like my worth is based on my pants size. More comments about "brownies are for big fat girls" (she made that comment last year, thank god the comment wasn't directed at me, but those kind of things stick with you)
***
You all know I *FINALLY* got a job in my chosen field back in May. I've been there almost 3 months now, and it's going really well. I feel like I fit in, and the work is challenging but interesting. I truly feel like I am where I am supposed to be. (Don't get me wrong: I am there on weekends sometimes, working from 7am to 8:30pm on some days; it's demanding, but there is at least a decent sense of satisfaction to be had)
One of my coworkers, who you would consider my Office BFF, is a large-and-in-charge woman. She's my age, about 3 inches taller than me, but weighs well into the 300s, I'd wager. She's had severe asthma her whole life, so I suspect the inability to play and move around as a kid turned into a vicious cycle into her adulthood. Anyway, this woman has the healthiest body image of anyone I have ever met. She loves herself unabashedly and wholeheartedly. She acknowledges and appreciates every inch of her body.
***
I'm being 100% honest, I cannot wrap my mind around it. And I feel like it makes me a terrible person, and whether it's right or wrong, it makes me feel like I'm a victim of the poor self-images of many of the women in my life. My godmother, my grandmother when she was alive, even my mother a lot of the time are the big culprits here, but a lot of my girlfriends are not without the negative side comments about themselves for not weighing less or wearing a smaller size.
Over my 27 years on this planet, I've just adopted the noise. I've assumed they're right and spent my time hating my body at all its sizes.
So from this point on, I'm going to focus on loving myself. I'm not going to get anywhere until I actually genuinely care about myself, and learn to appreciate the body that I have. I'm living on my own now (or, with 2 roommates, but out of the parents house finally. It's going great, by the way!) and it's time for me to define my own outlooks on, well, just about everything.
Now, that doesn't mean I'm giving myself license to eat whatever I want, or be lazy, but, I'm not going to focus at all on that - I need to focus on my heart, on my emotional body. I know, I'm rolling my eyes a little bit too. But I'm sick of feeling this dread and shame when I go to visit my godmother. And my mother too, but she just doesn't talk about it as much as my godmother does.
Also, I don't think that my godmother's birthday party weekend is the right time to have a conversation about it, but I'm entertaining the idea that at some point, I might have to have this conversation with her about how she makes me feel.
I'm 99% sure she is projecting her own negative body images onto me. And you know what? I just don't need that shit, plain and simple. I'm sick of it. And I know she's not entirely to blame - I'm letting myself feel that way, and that's where I want the change to happen. I need to build up my own self-image. My godmother's lack of healthy body-image shouldn't be my problem, and I want to be strong enough so that I don't internalize it.
I have no idea how I'm actually going to do any of this, but I just know that I need to start loving myself. No more 100in12, no more numbers (okay, maybe numbers here and there - I want to feel better about myself but I also don't deserve to have my hard work destroyed) (Plus I've been itching to change the design of this blog and now I have a good reason to do it!)
I want to start writing again - because I think it's good for me, and it'll help work out the crazy, I think. So I just need to find a way to a path that combines loving myself with taking care of myself and my health. I haven't the slightest idea as to how that's going to go (probably not smoothly?) but, I just wanted to throw that out there.
That's the new project. Taking care of and learning to love myself.
07 June 2010
Fitness Consult and other recent shenanigans
(Buckle up. Lots of words in this one.)
Hi! Finally had my Fitness Consult - the free one you get for signing up.
It...wasn't great, but also wasn't as bad as I thought. My stats:
Weight: 210
Body Fat %: 40! (um, yikes? but to be honest with you, I seriously thought it would be 50 or more. Not even joking. So, I know it's not good and the trainer told me as much [Um, guy, I KNOW. No need to shame me into anything - that's why I'm here!] but...yay for small, relative victories?)
I did two planks each for 20 seconds.
I did 6 pull ups (WAIT FOR IT - with about half my weight supported. HA! This cracks me up. I am curious to see how this changes if I keep at it)
I did 6 modified push ups using the bosu stability ball.
He had me do 10 minutes on the stairclimber then these other random step up balance things for my legs.
Basically, the diagnosis other than "FOR SHAME" is legs = decent, core + arms = awful. I pretty much knew that already.
So at some point this week he's going to email me with a workout plan for me to follow for about a month or so. 2 days cardio and 1 day cardio/strength. I'm gonna start with that and work my way up to...something.
I guess I'm excited. It's been a long day today (I left my house at 7am and I'm just now getting home at 9pm) so my enthusiasm has drained...but it was very much there until about 20 minutes ago!
In other REALLY EXCITING NEWS, I'm moving out the first weekend in July!!!!! Remember in my last post I mentioned that one I saw that I loved? Well that very one will be mine!! I'll have 2 roommates - who are awesome, and I think we already click. We're getting together tomorrow night after work to kind of celebrate my future-roommate-status, I think. I can't wait!
My commute will be cut in half in both time and expense (though I'm adding rent, but...it's the principle of the thing!) and there is a gym in the building, in addition to another branch of my new gym right nearby.
I cannot wait to move and be on my own. Is it a little scary? Yes. It is long overdue? You bet it is. So I am pumped.
Another fun thing is that starting mid-July, I'm signing up for a bocce ball league with a friend of mine - he works at the place I was temping and we've kept in touch. His friends have a team and invited me to join - so I'm doing it! I think the best part about this is that I will already be living in Alexandria, so I never have to make my "Here Are the Reasons I Live at Home" speech again. That will be so nice. So relieving.
I'm looking forward to my social circle expanding. I know I'm not the svelte shape I want to be, but my confidence is still growing. I'll meet new people. Live in a new place. My job is still very much new and probably will feel that way for about a year or so. I'm good with new, I thrive on new. I'm so excited about what I can accomplish the rest of this year. Maybe landing a man will happen, maybe it won't. I'm okay with it either way.
Oh, speaking of which, can I just...talk something out? I don't want to insult anyone by telling the story I'm about to tell, but...it made me uncomfortable and maybe I need some alternate perspectives here.
So I was on the phone with my best friend, who recently found out that I had been doing EHarmony. Now, she is the type of gal that since high school has literally never been single for more than 2 weeks. Not even exaggerating. So "love" is very much important to her, because she's always had it. She's been after another friend of ours to start dating for a few years now, and even so far as saying she was going to buy her an online dating subscription for Christmas a year or two ago. She didn't end up doing it, but I always found that a little...inappropriately aggressive?
So anyway, when she and I were talking on the phone, she was like "I'm so proud of you, that's so great. I'm going to pray for you." and then to be honest, I don't remember what the rest of the conversation was.
Now, here's where you might get mad at me, for my ignorance and narrow-mindedness. So I apologize in advance. But when I hear that someone is going to pray for me, I take it as...I need to be prayed for, if that makes sense. Like...I'll pray for you to find a man. Because you need one to be fulfilled as a person.
I mean...I said thank you to her, but I..didn't quite know how else to react. I think I might have taken offense to it, actually. And I don't really take offense to a lot of things.
I guess...I mean...when I was looking for jobs, some friends and family (and maybe even some of you might have?) said that you were going to pray for me. And I thought nothing of it, other than, "that's really nice of them" - because it was something I desperately needed.
Is praying for someone reserved for dire circumstances? I don't pray often but when I do, it's when I feel someone really truly needs it. Like...they've got a problem that needs fixing. Maybe I'm just projecting because I subconsciously also think it's a problem and don't want someone else seeing it to?
But do I really, truly need a man? No. I very badly want a man, sure, but I am a complete, whole person without one. So...do you really need to pray for me?
Is anyone following my train of thought here? I mean, I understand my friend was being nice, and she loves me and cares about me..it just...bugged me.
If you have a dissenting opinion, please explain this to me! I don't mean to make waves, I just want to understand a little more.
Hi! Finally had my Fitness Consult - the free one you get for signing up.
It...wasn't great, but also wasn't as bad as I thought. My stats:
Weight: 210
Body Fat %: 40! (um, yikes? but to be honest with you, I seriously thought it would be 50 or more. Not even joking. So, I know it's not good and the trainer told me as much [Um, guy, I KNOW. No need to shame me into anything - that's why I'm here!] but...yay for small, relative victories?)
I did two planks each for 20 seconds.
I did 6 pull ups (WAIT FOR IT - with about half my weight supported. HA! This cracks me up. I am curious to see how this changes if I keep at it)
I did 6 modified push ups using the bosu stability ball.
He had me do 10 minutes on the stairclimber then these other random step up balance things for my legs.
Basically, the diagnosis other than "FOR SHAME" is legs = decent, core + arms = awful. I pretty much knew that already.
So at some point this week he's going to email me with a workout plan for me to follow for about a month or so. 2 days cardio and 1 day cardio/strength. I'm gonna start with that and work my way up to...something.
I guess I'm excited. It's been a long day today (I left my house at 7am and I'm just now getting home at 9pm) so my enthusiasm has drained...but it was very much there until about 20 minutes ago!
In other REALLY EXCITING NEWS, I'm moving out the first weekend in July!!!!! Remember in my last post I mentioned that one I saw that I loved? Well that very one will be mine!! I'll have 2 roommates - who are awesome, and I think we already click. We're getting together tomorrow night after work to kind of celebrate my future-roommate-status, I think. I can't wait!
My commute will be cut in half in both time and expense (though I'm adding rent, but...it's the principle of the thing!) and there is a gym in the building, in addition to another branch of my new gym right nearby.
I cannot wait to move and be on my own. Is it a little scary? Yes. It is long overdue? You bet it is. So I am pumped.
Another fun thing is that starting mid-July, I'm signing up for a bocce ball league with a friend of mine - he works at the place I was temping and we've kept in touch. His friends have a team and invited me to join - so I'm doing it! I think the best part about this is that I will already be living in Alexandria, so I never have to make my "Here Are the Reasons I Live at Home" speech again. That will be so nice. So relieving.
I'm looking forward to my social circle expanding. I know I'm not the svelte shape I want to be, but my confidence is still growing. I'll meet new people. Live in a new place. My job is still very much new and probably will feel that way for about a year or so. I'm good with new, I thrive on new. I'm so excited about what I can accomplish the rest of this year. Maybe landing a man will happen, maybe it won't. I'm okay with it either way.
Oh, speaking of which, can I just...talk something out? I don't want to insult anyone by telling the story I'm about to tell, but...it made me uncomfortable and maybe I need some alternate perspectives here.
So I was on the phone with my best friend, who recently found out that I had been doing EHarmony. Now, she is the type of gal that since high school has literally never been single for more than 2 weeks. Not even exaggerating. So "love" is very much important to her, because she's always had it. She's been after another friend of ours to start dating for a few years now, and even so far as saying she was going to buy her an online dating subscription for Christmas a year or two ago. She didn't end up doing it, but I always found that a little...inappropriately aggressive?
So anyway, when she and I were talking on the phone, she was like "I'm so proud of you, that's so great. I'm going to pray for you." and then to be honest, I don't remember what the rest of the conversation was.
Now, here's where you might get mad at me, for my ignorance and narrow-mindedness. So I apologize in advance. But when I hear that someone is going to pray for me, I take it as...I need to be prayed for, if that makes sense. Like...I'll pray for you to find a man. Because you need one to be fulfilled as a person.
I mean...I said thank you to her, but I..didn't quite know how else to react. I think I might have taken offense to it, actually. And I don't really take offense to a lot of things.
I guess...I mean...when I was looking for jobs, some friends and family (and maybe even some of you might have?) said that you were going to pray for me. And I thought nothing of it, other than, "that's really nice of them" - because it was something I desperately needed.
Is praying for someone reserved for dire circumstances? I don't pray often but when I do, it's when I feel someone really truly needs it. Like...they've got a problem that needs fixing. Maybe I'm just projecting because I subconsciously also think it's a problem and don't want someone else seeing it to?
But do I really, truly need a man? No. I very badly want a man, sure, but I am a complete, whole person without one. So...do you really need to pray for me?
Is anyone following my train of thought here? I mean, I understand my friend was being nice, and she loves me and cares about me..it just...bugged me.
If you have a dissenting opinion, please explain this to me! I don't mean to make waves, I just want to understand a little more.
29 May 2010
The one in which I try to make up for my absence with semi-interesting pictures
HI.
Well, a whole month without blogging, what have I been up to?
*WORKING. My new job is great. I'm admittedly still in the honeymoon phase, but the people are great, there is SO much potential for me to really step up my game and achieve a lot professionally, and it's in an awesome area of the city and I love going there everyday.
*TURNING 27: This past Thursday (the 27th!) was my birthday! I am now 27. This is MY YEAR, people. It's been officially declared. So I've got a lot to accomplish, and you bet your ass losing weight is one of those things.
*TRYING TO MOVE. I've been looking for apartments (rooms, really) to move into. I've been looking mostly in Virginia, as I do not want to step foot inside a DMV during this process - not to mention all the money it would cost to switch over tags and what not. No thank you.
Moving is really like interviewing all over again. I'm using Craigslist, so the good/legit ads have a lot of competition. I've gotten "turned down" for one place, and I saw 2 rooms this week and they should be making a decision soon. I really sort of fell in love with one, and I hope I get it, but we'll see.
(I also put feelers out to my friends about moving out and being a potential roommate, but no one has responded...I don't think I know anyone that is in that point in their life)
The good news about moving is that I'm not at all stressed about it. It's okay if I let myself be hopeful, because the entire world isn't riding on me finding a place. Granted, it's important, but I'm in no rush. And that's a nice position to be in.
*NEW GYM. I did it - I signed up for another gym. It sucks that I'm carrying two right now - I can't quit my other one until September when my contract is up. But I hadn't been in weeks and I just hated that it didn't have enough to offer. So I joined one that is about 2 blocks from my office - and has locations in my current town, and like 5 more all in the areas where I am looking to move. So I've got my bases covered there.
Have I been going? YES. Haha, a couple of times. I still need to set up an appointment to be "shown" the gym, and they give you a free fitness consultation and all of that and show you the weights - so I've only been on cardio so far, but it's good. They also have a nice locker room and tons of showers that are clean and nice, and it's a good deal. I'm actually paying 2 dollars LESS for this gym than my old one!
*EATING. Eating has been a mixed bag. I'm pretty good during the day, breakfast and lunch and snacks are all the normal, healthy things I've been eating. Dinner is the problem. I come home and I'm tired, and I don't have the strength a lot of days to fight the urge to eat a hot dog (fine, TWO) or make a sandwich with a gigantic pile of chips, etc etc. I never win that battle, and I need to figure out a way so that I can.
In terms of weight gain, as of this past Wednesday I was at 208. To tell you the truth, I'm not all that upset. Do I want it to continue going up? Not at all, in fact, if you can believe it, I want it to go back down. But I can only balance so much. I'm giving my eating attention, don't get me wrong, but not my full attention.
HAVING FUN! I've been hanging out with my friends, going to baseball games, being touristy in my own city, all good stuff. And a lot of fun stuff planned this summer, too. Concerts, drinks with friends, Screen on the Green, Jazz in the Sculpture Garden (these last two both being very fun DC Young Professional-type things), one and maaaybe two beach trips - this is going to be a great summer.
***
So basically I still care about losing weight and getting healthy - it's just about 3rd or 4th on the list of things I am working on. The whole 100in12 thing isn't going to happen, and I guess on one hand it's disappointing that it won't happen, but if I can accomplish a shitload of things in the meantime then, we're doing allright.
I'll try and blog more. This one was mostly out of guilt that I hadn't been here in so long, and some of you were concerned. I'll tell you this - I definitely don't want to give up completely. This blog is SUCH a source of happiness for me, regardless of my attendance within the past month. It has been such a crucial tool for my success thus far and I won't give it up. But it's just not my main focus. But I'll try and do better. I hope that now that I'm identifying my lack of complete attention and effort in my weight loss areas...I'll at least care a little more. Admitting the problem is the first step, right?
Can I make up for my poor attendance here with pictures?!
Well, a whole month without blogging, what have I been up to?
*WORKING. My new job is great. I'm admittedly still in the honeymoon phase, but the people are great, there is SO much potential for me to really step up my game and achieve a lot professionally, and it's in an awesome area of the city and I love going there everyday.
*TURNING 27: This past Thursday (the 27th!) was my birthday! I am now 27. This is MY YEAR, people. It's been officially declared. So I've got a lot to accomplish, and you bet your ass losing weight is one of those things.
*TRYING TO MOVE. I've been looking for apartments (rooms, really) to move into. I've been looking mostly in Virginia, as I do not want to step foot inside a DMV during this process - not to mention all the money it would cost to switch over tags and what not. No thank you.
Moving is really like interviewing all over again. I'm using Craigslist, so the good/legit ads have a lot of competition. I've gotten "turned down" for one place, and I saw 2 rooms this week and they should be making a decision soon. I really sort of fell in love with one, and I hope I get it, but we'll see.
(I also put feelers out to my friends about moving out and being a potential roommate, but no one has responded...I don't think I know anyone that is in that point in their life)
The good news about moving is that I'm not at all stressed about it. It's okay if I let myself be hopeful, because the entire world isn't riding on me finding a place. Granted, it's important, but I'm in no rush. And that's a nice position to be in.
*NEW GYM. I did it - I signed up for another gym. It sucks that I'm carrying two right now - I can't quit my other one until September when my contract is up. But I hadn't been in weeks and I just hated that it didn't have enough to offer. So I joined one that is about 2 blocks from my office - and has locations in my current town, and like 5 more all in the areas where I am looking to move. So I've got my bases covered there.
Have I been going? YES. Haha, a couple of times. I still need to set up an appointment to be "shown" the gym, and they give you a free fitness consultation and all of that and show you the weights - so I've only been on cardio so far, but it's good. They also have a nice locker room and tons of showers that are clean and nice, and it's a good deal. I'm actually paying 2 dollars LESS for this gym than my old one!
*EATING. Eating has been a mixed bag. I'm pretty good during the day, breakfast and lunch and snacks are all the normal, healthy things I've been eating. Dinner is the problem. I come home and I'm tired, and I don't have the strength a lot of days to fight the urge to eat a hot dog (fine, TWO) or make a sandwich with a gigantic pile of chips, etc etc. I never win that battle, and I need to figure out a way so that I can.
In terms of weight gain, as of this past Wednesday I was at 208. To tell you the truth, I'm not all that upset. Do I want it to continue going up? Not at all, in fact, if you can believe it, I want it to go back down. But I can only balance so much. I'm giving my eating attention, don't get me wrong, but not my full attention.
HAVING FUN! I've been hanging out with my friends, going to baseball games, being touristy in my own city, all good stuff. And a lot of fun stuff planned this summer, too. Concerts, drinks with friends, Screen on the Green, Jazz in the Sculpture Garden (these last two both being very fun DC Young Professional-type things), one and maaaybe two beach trips - this is going to be a great summer.
***
So basically I still care about losing weight and getting healthy - it's just about 3rd or 4th on the list of things I am working on. The whole 100in12 thing isn't going to happen, and I guess on one hand it's disappointing that it won't happen, but if I can accomplish a shitload of things in the meantime then, we're doing allright.
I'll try and blog more. This one was mostly out of guilt that I hadn't been here in so long, and some of you were concerned. I'll tell you this - I definitely don't want to give up completely. This blog is SUCH a source of happiness for me, regardless of my attendance within the past month. It has been such a crucial tool for my success thus far and I won't give it up. But it's just not my main focus. But I'll try and do better. I hope that now that I'm identifying my lack of complete attention and effort in my weight loss areas...I'll at least care a little more. Admitting the problem is the first step, right?
Can I make up for my poor attendance here with pictures?!
First day of work outfit!
Haha, two of my friends and I pondering a map, being tourists.
The lunch I had the other day! Whole wheat naan, baby carrots, turkey, and Trader Joe's Roasted Red Pepper Hummus.
The view from the Nationals Stadium! If you ignore that scaffolding, there's an awesome view of the Capitol.
28 April 2010
Tidbits to add to my screaming and shouting
*Finally got to bold/complete another goal on the side! And I went ahead and changed/broke up the Onederland/live at home by May thing. I know I won't get hit Onederland this coming Monday, but I will definitely hit it IN May, you can count on that! I've been maintaining most of April and I need to kick it into high gear! Mostly concerning exercise, I need to get back into it for realsies!
Especially because....I am in no way joking about that "throw myself a party" reward. I'm already planning it for memorial day weekend, haha! It just so happens that's also my birthday weekend, and my Golden Birthday! I'm turning 27 on the 27th this year. For the past few years I haven't really cared about my birthday, but this year...things are different. I deserve a damn party after these last 16 months, and to show off the work I've done since September! I'm treating myself to an indulgent afternoon with my friends and family, hanging out in (hopefully some) sunshine and grilling and enjoying the life that I've worked hard to finally get!
*I would like to take a moment to thank you guys for all of your support, for letting me bitch and complain about not having a job, for giving me a kick in the pants (Nic I love you for it!) when I needed it, and for helping me choose outfits, and all that good stuff. I love having this freaking blog and I know it's been devoid of health and food stuff lately, but rest assured there is going to be a return to that now that I've got this whole job sitch handled! Plus with working towards Onederland and beyond, I'm gonna need to revamp my efforts and I absolutely include blogging (and COMMENTING, geez, Lazy McSelfish over here) in that.
*Also, (basically...Steve I'm looking at you) does anyone have any recommendations for me on fun stuff to do in Annapolis, MD? My friend and I are taking a day trip there on Saturday just for fun, and we need things to do! We've already got our restaurant picked out, but we need other fun (and hopefully cheap/free!) things to do and explore during the day. Comment or email me! (100in12@gmail.com)
*Look at the dinner my friends and I made last night! The chicken and the sweet potato fries came from this cookbook and everything turned out amazingly. And that corn on the cob was perfectly steamed, ifidosaysomyselfandido :-)
Especially because....I am in no way joking about that "throw myself a party" reward. I'm already planning it for memorial day weekend, haha! It just so happens that's also my birthday weekend, and my Golden Birthday! I'm turning 27 on the 27th this year. For the past few years I haven't really cared about my birthday, but this year...things are different. I deserve a damn party after these last 16 months, and to show off the work I've done since September! I'm treating myself to an indulgent afternoon with my friends and family, hanging out in (hopefully some) sunshine and grilling and enjoying the life that I've worked hard to finally get!
*I would like to take a moment to thank you guys for all of your support, for letting me bitch and complain about not having a job, for giving me a kick in the pants (Nic I love you for it!) when I needed it, and for helping me choose outfits, and all that good stuff. I love having this freaking blog and I know it's been devoid of health and food stuff lately, but rest assured there is going to be a return to that now that I've got this whole job sitch handled! Plus with working towards Onederland and beyond, I'm gonna need to revamp my efforts and I absolutely include blogging (and COMMENTING, geez, Lazy McSelfish over here) in that.
*Also, (basically...Steve I'm looking at you) does anyone have any recommendations for me on fun stuff to do in Annapolis, MD? My friend and I are taking a day trip there on Saturday just for fun, and we need things to do! We've already got our restaurant picked out, but we need other fun (and hopefully cheap/free!) things to do and explore during the day. Comment or email me! (100in12@gmail.com)
*Look at the dinner my friends and I made last night! The chicken and the sweet potato fries came from this cookbook and everything turned out amazingly. And that corn on the cob was perfectly steamed, ifidosaysomyselfandido :-)
27 April 2010
that far off screaming and crying you heard was me
Guys? If you haven't already seen my twitter feed....I was offered a job today.
If you're unfamiliar with my plight, I have been unemployed for 16 months after earning my masters degree in Arts Management. And today I was offered (and accepted) a job with a really great arts nonprofit here in D.C.
Today is magical.
I am going to head to my friends' apartment (to and from which I already have a ride arranged because you can bet your ass there will be drinking tonight) and watch Glee and revel in the fact that
I
finally
did it.
If you're unfamiliar with my plight, I have been unemployed for 16 months after earning my masters degree in Arts Management. And today I was offered (and accepted) a job with a really great arts nonprofit here in D.C.
Today is magical.
I am going to head to my friends' apartment (to and from which I already have a ride arranged because you can bet your ass there will be drinking tonight) and watch Glee and revel in the fact that
I
finally
did it.
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