Guys? If you haven't already seen my twitter feed....I was offered a job today.
If you're unfamiliar with my plight, I have been unemployed for 16 months after earning my masters degree in Arts Management. And today I was offered (and accepted) a job with a really great arts nonprofit here in D.C.
Today is magical.
I am going to head to my friends' apartment (to and from which I already have a ride arranged because you can bet your ass there will be drinking tonight) and watch Glee and revel in the fact that
I
finally
did it.
27 April 2010
26 April 2010
Highweigh to Hell
(While I do love AC/DC, this is the Glee Cast version! I have, of course, been listening to the newest Glee songs nonstop. HOW FUN was the Madonna episode. PS Like a Prayer is my favorite Madge song and I was so happy they sang it. Loved their version.)
Weight this AM:
204.6!
A nice 3 pound loss from last week. Hooray! I’d say I earned it. Lots of water, a leeetle more exercise, healthy food choices, no booze, all that good stuff.
I don’t think I’ll be able to pull off 4.6 pounds before next week’s May weigh-in, which is fine. I know I’ll be close and I know I’ll hit Onderland IN May. So that’ll be good. I just need to keep trying and keep making good decisions and exercising and the numbers and pants sizes will follow.
And now, I write about my emotions, far too early on a Monday morning.
This isn’t an unheard of topic, but, it’s something on my mind now that I’m nearing Onederland: fear of success. Many of you/us talk about the fear of what happens next, after we reach a big goal or inch closer towards it every day. Being large is a safety net – we can say “I would do this but I’m too big” or “The fact that I’m this size is keeping me from doing *insert activity or whatever here*” but…when that’s taken away, we don’t have any more excuses. Will I get less funny the thinner I get? Will dating really be that much easier? Will I have the courage to try new things, when it’s more likely a fear of failure or looking stupid, rather than a fear of being fat that is keeping me from doing them?
Anyway, I’m bringing these things up to sort of…prepare myself? To put it out there so I don’t fall into these traps.
*
During SWL1 (Successful Weight Loss 1.0 – from 2007 to July of 2009 I lost 65 pounds) I got down to 197 in August of 08. I felt so great and I wrote in my journal at the time “I am NEVER going back to above 200!” and what did I do a few weeks later? You guessed it. The scale went up and KEPT going up until July of 09.
Now, there was a LOT that was going on in my life that affected me emotionally and I let it completely crush any motivation I had. I had lost the weight that put me under 200 while I was in London. I was living my dream. Working for an arts organization, in London, not living with my parents, I was just. me. I have never been happier than in those two months. And a ton of weight came off. I was eating well and walking everywhere. Even when the tube was available and we were given our transportation stipend…I walked. Just to do it. God I loved it.
Anyway, so I come back home, rode the London high for about a week, and then stopped eating well and exercising. I was so depressed to be back home. To be a dependent. To be still so closely tied to my parents, knowing full well that I should have been out on my own by then. There were additional issues happening then too that greatly contributed to my lack of emotional health, but this was a big factor. Sigh. And the weight slowly crept up, and then it shot up in Jan-July of 09.
I had the opportunity to look at things positively – to capitalize on my time in London and keep it going, even though I didn’t like the circumstances I was returning to. It’s not like they weren’t the same ones that I was living in two months prior before I left. I’m no psychologist, but maybe I let myself get bogged down in my emotions (I’m cutting myself a little slack because at that point, and definitely from Jan-July 09, I think my depression was pretty, uh, robust) and allowed myself to gain weight – some part of me was afraid of weighing less and less.
*
I haven’t weighed under 200 in maybe 7 or 8 years? I’m a little scared of the responsibility that comes with it, to be honest. The second half of my journey (the next 50 pounds) is harder – it’s harder to lose weight the smaller you get, and I’m afraid of the struggle. I’m afraid of how much harder I’m going to have to work and I’m scared of not being able to do it.
So I’m coming up on Onederland…and I find out this week or next whether or not I got that job. If I get it, it means I can make plans to move out. Now, the interview went well and (I looked snazzy thanks to you all, by the by. I went with the jacket and the coral top. Thank you for all your input! The coral was the one I had in my mind to begin with and I’m glad the majority vote was with me!) there is nothing I could have done better. But if I don’t get it…I have no other prospects on the horizon.
I just don’t want any potentially disappointing news to trigger anything – to then allow myself to be sent into a tailspin that involves reintroducing my hidden food stash under my bed, being anti-social and generally snarl-y.
Bleh. But that’s just something I wanted to get out. What I can do right now is just be mindful this week and make good choices. (and BLOG MORE, geeeeez!)
Weight this AM:
204.6!
A nice 3 pound loss from last week. Hooray! I’d say I earned it. Lots of water, a leeetle more exercise, healthy food choices, no booze, all that good stuff.
I don’t think I’ll be able to pull off 4.6 pounds before next week’s May weigh-in, which is fine. I know I’ll be close and I know I’ll hit Onderland IN May. So that’ll be good. I just need to keep trying and keep making good decisions and exercising and the numbers and pants sizes will follow.
And now, I write about my emotions, far too early on a Monday morning.
This isn’t an unheard of topic, but, it’s something on my mind now that I’m nearing Onederland: fear of success. Many of you/us talk about the fear of what happens next, after we reach a big goal or inch closer towards it every day. Being large is a safety net – we can say “I would do this but I’m too big” or “The fact that I’m this size is keeping me from doing *insert activity or whatever here*” but…when that’s taken away, we don’t have any more excuses. Will I get less funny the thinner I get? Will dating really be that much easier? Will I have the courage to try new things, when it’s more likely a fear of failure or looking stupid, rather than a fear of being fat that is keeping me from doing them?
Anyway, I’m bringing these things up to sort of…prepare myself? To put it out there so I don’t fall into these traps.
*
During SWL1 (Successful Weight Loss 1.0 – from 2007 to July of 2009 I lost 65 pounds) I got down to 197 in August of 08. I felt so great and I wrote in my journal at the time “I am NEVER going back to above 200!” and what did I do a few weeks later? You guessed it. The scale went up and KEPT going up until July of 09.
Now, there was a LOT that was going on in my life that affected me emotionally and I let it completely crush any motivation I had. I had lost the weight that put me under 200 while I was in London. I was living my dream. Working for an arts organization, in London, not living with my parents, I was just. me. I have never been happier than in those two months. And a ton of weight came off. I was eating well and walking everywhere. Even when the tube was available and we were given our transportation stipend…I walked. Just to do it. God I loved it.
Anyway, so I come back home, rode the London high for about a week, and then stopped eating well and exercising. I was so depressed to be back home. To be a dependent. To be still so closely tied to my parents, knowing full well that I should have been out on my own by then. There were additional issues happening then too that greatly contributed to my lack of emotional health, but this was a big factor. Sigh. And the weight slowly crept up, and then it shot up in Jan-July of 09.
I had the opportunity to look at things positively – to capitalize on my time in London and keep it going, even though I didn’t like the circumstances I was returning to. It’s not like they weren’t the same ones that I was living in two months prior before I left. I’m no psychologist, but maybe I let myself get bogged down in my emotions (I’m cutting myself a little slack because at that point, and definitely from Jan-July 09, I think my depression was pretty, uh, robust) and allowed myself to gain weight – some part of me was afraid of weighing less and less.
*
I haven’t weighed under 200 in maybe 7 or 8 years? I’m a little scared of the responsibility that comes with it, to be honest. The second half of my journey (the next 50 pounds) is harder – it’s harder to lose weight the smaller you get, and I’m afraid of the struggle. I’m afraid of how much harder I’m going to have to work and I’m scared of not being able to do it.
So I’m coming up on Onederland…and I find out this week or next whether or not I got that job. If I get it, it means I can make plans to move out. Now, the interview went well and (I looked snazzy thanks to you all, by the by. I went with the jacket and the coral top. Thank you for all your input! The coral was the one I had in my mind to begin with and I’m glad the majority vote was with me!) there is nothing I could have done better. But if I don’t get it…I have no other prospects on the horizon.
I just don’t want any potentially disappointing news to trigger anything – to then allow myself to be sent into a tailspin that involves reintroducing my hidden food stash under my bed, being anti-social and generally snarl-y.
Bleh. But that’s just something I wanted to get out. What I can do right now is just be mindful this week and make good choices. (and BLOG MORE, geeeeez!)
22 April 2010
Help! Part Deux
Okay all your fashion-forward people! I need your help again.
I have an interview on Friday – I have the jacket and the pants, but I don’t know what color shirt to wear underneath. I have a few options – weigh in below, or feel free to suggest a different color that you think might work! I have a cami/tank top problem and I’m open to enabling :-D
Sorry for the lack of consistency in angles/lighting. It’s 6:30 in the morning, I’m not exactly Annie Leibovitz.
The jacket is white with a black stripe, and I’ll be wearing basic black dress pants with it (not my pajama pants, as the pictures may suggest!)
So with that in mind, we have:
Coral:
Light Purple:
Baby pink:
Hot pink:
Choose away! And feel free to suggest something completely different, I’m open to write-ins! (I tied with “Bart Simpson” and “School Sucks” – name that quote!)
The other good part about all of this? That jacket is a 16. It’s from Lane Bryant so it might run a little large, but it’s a 16! And the craziest part is that I had no idea until I looked this AM – I honest to goodness thought it was an 18 when I bought it. So NSV! Yay! But…apparently my eyes are going bad? I didn’t look closely enough at the label. But what a fun mistake to make!
I have an interview on Friday – I have the jacket and the pants, but I don’t know what color shirt to wear underneath. I have a few options – weigh in below, or feel free to suggest a different color that you think might work! I have a cami/tank top problem and I’m open to enabling :-D
Sorry for the lack of consistency in angles/lighting. It’s 6:30 in the morning, I’m not exactly Annie Leibovitz.
The jacket is white with a black stripe, and I’ll be wearing basic black dress pants with it (not my pajama pants, as the pictures may suggest!)
So with that in mind, we have:
Coral:
Light Purple:
Baby pink:
Hot pink:
Choose away! And feel free to suggest something completely different, I’m open to write-ins! (I tied with “Bart Simpson” and “School Sucks” – name that quote!)
The other good part about all of this? That jacket is a 16. It’s from Lane Bryant so it might run a little large, but it’s a 16! And the craziest part is that I had no idea until I looked this AM – I honest to goodness thought it was an 18 when I bought it. So NSV! Yay! But…apparently my eyes are going bad? I didn’t look closely enough at the label. But what a fun mistake to make!
19 April 2010
Walk This Weigh
Gotta make it quick!
Scale results: same as last week!
207.6
I'm...okay with it, and not okay with it. Sometimes I have a couple of weeks of maintenance like this, and I like to think it's the universe's way of giving me a break while I reassess. And by reassess I mean...eat out, have a few beers, and not really exercise. Though the last week as a whole, I ate healthy things, just MORE of them than I probably should have.
(except for last night when I was watching The Hurt Locker. I ate like 3 servings of chocolate cheerios...followed by a roll of fruit mentos...followed by a chocolate peppermint stick luna bar. Writing all that out now is....kind of gross. Anxiety eating? Not out of the question during that movie!)
So I think it's good to give myself a bit of a break but be able to maintain/not gain, but it's not good when I remember that I have, you know, goals and stuff.
I've got two weeks to get to Onederland, if I want the "weigh in the 100s by May" thing to happen...which I do. I could slack off and say "Well, as long as I get there at some point in May" but I don't want to do that. So I'm gonna work hard to eat right and get back in the gym. And if I don't get into Onederland, then at least I can be proud for trying.
I put my money where my mouth is this morning! Got my butt to the gym. Granted, because of gym-hours and time constraints I only got about a 24 minute workout, but I worked hard. I did the elliptical on hill-climb (I'm not ashamed to admit I do the ones designed for a great ass. I want one.) for 14 minutes and then did the treadmill for 10:30. On the treadmill I did a minute or so of walking, then a minute or so of running (at 6mph! that is a lot for me!) and then repeat. At one point I even did 2 minutes at 6mph! And my last rotation I did a minute and a half at 6.2mph.
One other thought: as much as I've tried to like it...I just don't really care for almond butter. Its peanut cousin has exclusive rights to my heart.
Scale results: same as last week!
207.6
I'm...okay with it, and not okay with it. Sometimes I have a couple of weeks of maintenance like this, and I like to think it's the universe's way of giving me a break while I reassess. And by reassess I mean...eat out, have a few beers, and not really exercise. Though the last week as a whole, I ate healthy things, just MORE of them than I probably should have.
(except for last night when I was watching The Hurt Locker. I ate like 3 servings of chocolate cheerios...followed by a roll of fruit mentos...followed by a chocolate peppermint stick luna bar. Writing all that out now is....kind of gross. Anxiety eating? Not out of the question during that movie!)
So I think it's good to give myself a bit of a break but be able to maintain/not gain, but it's not good when I remember that I have, you know, goals and stuff.
I've got two weeks to get to Onederland, if I want the "weigh in the 100s by May" thing to happen...which I do. I could slack off and say "Well, as long as I get there at some point in May" but I don't want to do that. So I'm gonna work hard to eat right and get back in the gym. And if I don't get into Onederland, then at least I can be proud for trying.
I put my money where my mouth is this morning! Got my butt to the gym. Granted, because of gym-hours and time constraints I only got about a 24 minute workout, but I worked hard. I did the elliptical on hill-climb (I'm not ashamed to admit I do the ones designed for a great ass. I want one.) for 14 minutes and then did the treadmill for 10:30. On the treadmill I did a minute or so of walking, then a minute or so of running (at 6mph! that is a lot for me!) and then repeat. At one point I even did 2 minutes at 6mph! And my last rotation I did a minute and a half at 6.2mph.
One other thought: as much as I've tried to like it...I just don't really care for almond butter. Its peanut cousin has exclusive rights to my heart.
12 April 2010
well I just did not see that coming...updates and scattered thoughts! (aren't all my posts like that, though, really? :-)
Sorry, my lovelies, that I didn't have time to post this AM. Decided to sleep instead :-) Did you know I have the sleep tendencies of most infants? It's true. I just. love. sleep. Can't get enough.
So this morning I was:
207.6!
Only .4 of a gain after the week I had? I'll TAKE it! A nice lucky break to start the day, and it only continued....
I walked into work to...utter chaos. Everyone saw me and comes RUSHING over in a frenzy about it being my last day (nobody knew until the email I sent out on Friday, informing them as much) and they essentially petitioned the office manager to keep me on through mid-May!
So I've got another month of work! (and a need to sit down and figure out when and how I can motivate myself to the gym. Need to try the whole AM thing again, it was really great for that one week!)
Though I did get a little bit of exercise in today! I took a nice long walk during my lunch break. It was a fairly brisk walk, maybe medium brisk? DC Geography Time! My office is at 21st and L, and I walked over to 17th and then down to the mall...over to 18th and back up and over to my office. I traced it on MapMyRun and it said it was almost 2.5 miles! It was beautiful and warm and sunny out today, I really enjoyed getting that Vitamin D!
***
Even though we are clearly poor bloggers for not taking a picture, Becca, Megan and I met up for lunch this Saturday! I had so much fun. We went to a thai place in Old Town Alexandria that is right on the water. Beautiful views and tasty food! I got a veggie tofu thing that I dominated. Yum! Becca and I have met once before but it was great to finally meet Megan. She's the gem that coined Kat and I as Bert and Ernie, so she's clearly very important!
***
I might go to Richmond AGAIN this weekend. I went about three weeks ago, and then two weeks before that. Apparently I can't get enough!
***
I am picking up my friend at the airport this Friday. I love picking people up at airports. I actually just love airports, period. I know, it's weird. I think I've mentioned this before. It's like the beginning of Love Actually, when they show all the people reuniting...that's my fave. I have so many vivid memories of reuniting with people at airports, and I love to watch other people experience it too. ...I choose to ignore the people that are leaving/separating, because it's sad and pokes a hole in my theory. That's the secret to living - just ignore the stuff that doesn't agree with you, right?
***
THIS:
Awesome.
So this morning I was:
207.6!
Only .4 of a gain after the week I had? I'll TAKE it! A nice lucky break to start the day, and it only continued....
I walked into work to...utter chaos. Everyone saw me and comes RUSHING over in a frenzy about it being my last day (nobody knew until the email I sent out on Friday, informing them as much) and they essentially petitioned the office manager to keep me on through mid-May!
So I've got another month of work! (and a need to sit down and figure out when and how I can motivate myself to the gym. Need to try the whole AM thing again, it was really great for that one week!)
Though I did get a little bit of exercise in today! I took a nice long walk during my lunch break. It was a fairly brisk walk, maybe medium brisk? DC Geography Time! My office is at 21st and L, and I walked over to 17th and then down to the mall...over to 18th and back up and over to my office. I traced it on MapMyRun and it said it was almost 2.5 miles! It was beautiful and warm and sunny out today, I really enjoyed getting that Vitamin D!
***
Even though we are clearly poor bloggers for not taking a picture, Becca, Megan and I met up for lunch this Saturday! I had so much fun. We went to a thai place in Old Town Alexandria that is right on the water. Beautiful views and tasty food! I got a veggie tofu thing that I dominated. Yum! Becca and I have met once before but it was great to finally meet Megan. She's the gem that coined Kat and I as Bert and Ernie, so she's clearly very important!
***
I might go to Richmond AGAIN this weekend. I went about three weeks ago, and then two weeks before that. Apparently I can't get enough!
***
I am picking up my friend at the airport this Friday. I love picking people up at airports. I actually just love airports, period. I know, it's weird. I think I've mentioned this before. It's like the beginning of Love Actually, when they show all the people reuniting...that's my fave. I have so many vivid memories of reuniting with people at airports, and I love to watch other people experience it too. ...I choose to ignore the people that are leaving/separating, because it's sad and pokes a hole in my theory. That's the secret to living - just ignore the stuff that doesn't agree with you, right?
***
THIS:
Awesome.
11 April 2010
what goes up...aka bullet point thoughts
- I am totes mcgotes not going to lose weight this week. Only worked out once - Tuesday - and I've been eating whatever I want, which has included beer, chinese food, more beer, WAY too much peanut butter, cookies...and some more beer and generally too much food. So...just to prepare you (and myself) for tomorrow morning. There might even be a pound or two gain. Oops.
- My last day of temping is tomorrow! I'm sad the money stream will be ending, but there's a silver lining of having my afternoons back for a little while to rededicate myself to the gym.
- My EHarmony subscription runs out on Thursday. I "pursued" like 4 guys today, just as a last-ditch effort. One of them actually responded. Hopefully we make it til Thursday. We'll see what happens.
- In other EH news, Sam and I are still buds! We hung out last Monday (that was the chinese food and beer) and last night too. It's been fun. And the more I hang out with him, the more I realize that I would really not want a relationship with him. So it really worked out for the best. But he's a ball of energy and sarcasm and I like both of those things.
- My parents make their triumphant return in about 30-60 minutes! I'm actually looking forward to seeing them (AND MY DOGGIE*!!!!!) but...I am afraid this feeling will not last very long. I'm projecting about 15 minutes. Seriously.
What needs to happen next is that I make my life my bitch and get it all back on my own terms. For realsies.
*
I get to see this guy really soon!
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