healthy and happy. one of these days.

19 December 2012

12-19 wrap up, this time, with tears!

*glass of milk in my hokies cup
*two over-medium eggs with however much sriracha that is

(note on egg cooking: are they technically "fried" eggs if you cook them with just Pam? i feel like when i say fried egg, it means i doused it in oil,'s just Pam. i'm never sure how to describe it.)

and finally, your "wow, i'm glad i'm not her" moment of the day:

i had an appointment with my trainer tonight. he is always pushing and pushing and if i actually do something well, he just makes me do more. essentially his goal is to make me struggle. all. of. the. time. (realtalk: i appreciate this, and i like it. even though i also hate it, and spent most of the day in fear, like i do every appointment day) so tonight. tonight was...not great. i was whiny, tired, i stopped constantly, i think i only did one set/move without stopping. my trainer stopped the session early, took me into the office, and sat me down. he looked at me and said "what's wrong? tell me what's going on, because you're not like this"

and that's when i burst into tears.

work is incredibly overwhelming and stressful right now, and every day (especially now) i've been funneling almost all of my mental and emotional strength into just getting through each day and putting at least a semi-respectable dent into my to-do list, which is ever-growing. and so when the appointment rolls around, and my trainer is being hard on me, i am physically tired, yes, but i'm more emotionally/mentally tired and tonight i just didn't have anything left to keep myself going.

he told me "i'm hard on you because i believe in you". and i'm thankful that he's hard on me, because that's how i'll get stronger - that's how i'll achieve. i just didn't have the heart to deal with the struggle tonight. and so i cried. and then i went to shower and change, and i cried in the shower. it was actually fairly pathetic, but there you have it. i am really emotionally exhausted tonight.

the good news is that i'm not taking it out on my eating. the bad news is that i have to go back to the trainer tomorrow night, and i just don't have the slightest idea of how it's going to go.

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