healthy and happy. one of these days.

22 September 2009

Foodolph the Red Nosed Reindeer? Also, TBL

Breakfast:

*Omelet

Omelet was: egg subst., chopped turkey, onions, spinach, a little red pepper sauce, and some ketchup. It was…meh. Actually, if I’m being honest it was kinda crappy. I appreciated it for the turkey and the spinach, which are good for me, but….never making that again.

Lunch:

*Arnold’s Sandwich Thin w/ 1 tbsp peanut butter
*2/3 a cup of chicken salad mix (chicken, LCL wedge, craisins, diced apple)

Hit the spot. Anything would have compared to breakfast.

Snack:
*Cup o green tea
*94% fat free kettle corn, about half the bag or so

Dinner:

*The rest of my sauté from last night, with a few tasty additions!

I wanted a southwesterny kind of salad, so I steamed some corn and added it as well as a tbsp of cilantro. Then I took two small corn tortillas (110 cals total) and put them under the broiler to get them nice and crispy, and broke them up into little pieces and mixed together! It was pretty good. I think I’ll make it again but not add the black bean sauce ‘cause it has more of an asian vibe. Maybe next time I’ll use actual black beans.

***

I am a big fan of Hulu. Free TV at a great quality! And it allows me to catch up on shows or even view them for the first time. Previous to starting this blog I had never really watched The Biggest Loser. I was a little bit scared of it because the contestants were doing something that I couldn’t. I was maybe afraid to see myself in them, or who knows what. But after seeing that so many of the authors of the blogs I read watch it, I thought, if I’m gonna jump in this game then I’m gonna watch it too. So I did. Aaaand then I started crying.

What an emotional show!! Yeesh. But in a good way. I like all of the contestants. I'm actually watching the second episode right now, so, we'll see what happens!

With the first episode I was a lot more motivated than I thought I would be. It motivated me in terms of working out, and pushing myself and all that, but in another unexpected way.

So many of the contestants talk about keeping up with their families and husbands and wives, and needing to succeed and to live for them. I don’t have any of those. A big part of my motivation is that so I can get those things. For a long time I’ve struggled with the fact that I am single. In fact it's usually other people that make me feel bad about it (add this to the unending list of feelings I let other people dictate in me) One very close friend of mine (who is married and has kids) has told me more than once that she feels that she’s losing common ground with people that aren’t married or have kids, and it takes a toll on friendships. I don’t know if she realized she was saying it to someone that fell into such a category.

She said she “can’t slow down/stop her life, or wait for everyone to catch up” and other things that I felt implied that her husband and children made her successful. And I love her, her husband, and her kids. But I haven’t forgotten what she said and it frustrates the hell out of me – do I resent her for the fact that she implied she was “further ahead” in life than I am, or resent myself for not already being there too? Because I do want to be married, but I just don’t like how she implies that marriage and children are a measure of success. If they are for her, great. I just don't think it's fair to apply those standards to everyone else. Does that make sense? I don't know, I'm confusing.

Actually I’m still unsure on the whole “having kids” thing, but it is so often lumped in with marriage, so I’m just rolling with it for the sake of argument. Anyway, sorry, back to how this relates to Biggest Loser.

I won’t find someone unless I lose weight. It really is as simple as that. And I don’t mean because fat people don’t find love – I don’t mean that in the slightest. But I’ll never be confident enough in myself to date and put myself out there for a man. I know I won’t. If I don’t lose weight, I won’t get married. I won’t have someone to come home to. I will still remain painfully quiet when all my friends discuss being in a relationship (marriage or long term) because I have absolutely no frame of reference. It’s time to change all that.

I would like to thank the Academy and...No, don't play me off!!

I went swimming today! 30 minutes! And this time I didn’t really take long(er) breaks in between laps. They were maybe 10-15 seconds or so, at their longest. So it was a good swim. And I had the realization that another good thing about swimming for me is the practice of wearing my swimsuit, and just putting myself out there. Doing my best to stay out of my head, where I can’t help but think about what the lifeguards or other pool staff or other swimmers are thinking about how I look in my bright red suit. Gigantic tomato? Mars? But I think each time I go it gets a little easier and I can say to myself “You know what? I’m doing this for my health. And I may not look great now, but I’m here and I have just as much right to swim as anyone else. I have just as much of a right to do ANYTHING as anyone else.” I’m not wearing it on a t-shirt yet, but I’m getting there. And of course, in reality no one cares and these are things I think and project onto others. Or if they are thinking these things, then they’re jackasses and that’s not my problem!

***

So I check my email today and I have a comment from the wonderful Katie J that she gave me an Honest Scrap award! Well THANK YOU! I am so excited.












As I have seen, the rules for this shindig are:

1. “The Honest Scrap” award must be shared!
2. The recipient has to tell 10 true things about themselves
3. The recipient has to pass along this prestigious award to 10 more bloggers.
4. Those 10 bloggers all have to be notified they have been given this award.
5. Those 10 bloggers should link back to the blog that awarded them.

So...first, the 10 things about me:

1. I live in the Washington, DC Metro area. So in addition to being a Hokies fan, I also live and die by the Redskins! (if you follow the NFL, um, you’ll see that it’s mostly dying with them…)

2. I am a Gemini in every sense of the word. The good and the bad. (According to Astrology online: http://www.astrology-online.com/gemini.htm)

3. I played the clarinet for 9 years…and was in the marching band…and actually loved high school.

4. I love airports. I love to people watch and see loved ones reunited. It’s like the beginning scene(s) of Love Actually. Plus being in an airport makes me feel like a jet-setter.

5. Even though I consider myself fairly lazy, I’m the happiest when I’m working towards something (weight loss, grad school, etc.)

6. I am almost always listening to music.

7. Traveling is my favorite. I’ve been to London (want to live there someday), Paris, Edinburgh, a few places in Germany, Cancun, and various US cities. I still want to go to: Greece, Italy, Ireland, Germany again, Australia, Canada, and in the US: Hawaii, Maine, Chicago, Boston, Austin, Seattle, and Denver.

8. I LOVE office supplies. I could spend hours in Staples.

9. I was born in San Francisco – we lived there until I was 7 and then moved across the country. I still feel very close to the Bay Area.

10. I am nothing without my best group of friends (there are about 15 of us, one big family). We have all been friends since high school, and some since junior high and elementary school. We all know each others families, we’re in each others’ weddings, plan baby showers, and are still the goofy teenagers at heart most of the time. We have our own online forum, and we even have our own phone tree and depending on schedules have our own Thanksgiving Dinner or Christmas Dinner/Party.

Now onto my 10 Recipients!

105 in 365 http://105in365.blogspot.com/
Chubby Stubby Kay http://chubbystubbykay.blogspot.com/
Token Fat Friend http://tokenfatfriend.blogspot.com/
Lindsay: Under Construction http://justlinds.blogspot.com/
Doublechinned http://doublechinned.blogspot.com/
Fat Girl Dives In http://fatgirldivesin.blogspot.com/
Ex Hot Girl http://exhotgirl.blogspot.com/
Belly B Gone http://burnbellyburn.blogspot.com/
From Fat to Fit http://fattofitanna.blogspot.com/
Fat Fitness Food http://www.fatfitnessfood.com/

Now off to tell them. And make dinner. And then blog about it. Honest Scrap-ily :-D

21 September 2009

Foodys Food for Love

Breakfast:

*Egg subst. with ketchup
*Granola/muesli mix

The mix was: two Nature Valley Oats N Honey bars (two bars are in one packet) crumbled, blueberries, Almond Accents Slivered Almonds, 2 tbsp plain yogurt and a drizzling of honey, all mixed up. It was really good!

Lunch:

*Strawberries (9 of them, counted this time!)
*Chicken salad (same as yesterday) sandwich with baby spinach on an Arnold’s Sandwich Thin
*Glass of milk

Dinner:

*Veggie/chicken sauté (? - I have such a hard time describing/naming things I eat. Apologies.)
*Can of V8

I’ve made the sauté before but I changed it up a little bit this time. I started by sautéing onions and minced garlic, then I added some chopped red cabbage, and then a big handful of baby spinach. I let it all cook down and meld and what not, then added a tbsp of black bean cooking sauce (Kame makes the kind I used) all while I cooked chicken, chopped it into little chunks, and then folded it into the sauté. It was easy and good!

Oh, and I did laundry today. Boo. Yah. A very productive and healthy day. PLUS, in about 20 minutes from now I’m going to a family friend’s kid’s high school (my old high school, actually….WEIRD) volleyball game. Random I know, but I’m excited to see everyone that’s going and it’s the only reason I would ever step foot inside my old high school at this point. I don’t really ever see the very limited family I have outside of my parents, so the people we’ve known here in my town are much more like family to me for the most part. I’m looking forward to seeing them and cheering on their daughter whom I wholeheartedly adore.

Hilariously Predictable.

I feel very good right now. I definitely pushed myself at the gym today. First I hopped on the elliptical and did a 30 minute course with an additional five minute cool down. I’ve never done a course before – I figured it would push me to do more than I normally would, and BOY DID IT. I did one of the hill climb ones and it definitely got me sweating and breathing heavy! (twss!) After the elliptical I went and did some weight machines, and pushed up the weight amounts a little bit. I alternated leg and arm/chest machines, and I already can’t remember how many I did. I got home like 20 minutes ago…this is a problem! I need to take ginko biloba for serious.

Anyway, should I also take a supplement for focusing on what I’m talking about? So back at the gym during my weights business, I was trying to adjust one of the machines and it wasn’t cooperating, so I just gave up (the butt one) on it, and noticed my heart rate had all but dwindled to nothing so I hopped on the treadmill for five minutes, 3:30 of which were jogging – and at my highest rate. Here’s the embarrassing part for me – that rate is 5mph! I know that’s barely jogging for most, but I was feeling it. Previous to today I’ve jogged at that rate for two minutes at most. So if we’re in the business of comparing (which I shouldn’t be, but I’m human!) it wasn’t a lot but it is to me!

Anyway, then I was back to do a few more machines and my workout was a grand total of an hour and twenty minutes! Definitely happy with that, and I can feel it in the ol’ muscles.

---

For those of you just tuning in, this is my second go round of a serious weight loss attempt. My first Successful Weight Loss, or SWL1, was from 2007 to 2008. I lost about 60 pounds. During that time I wrote in a journal almost every day, doing exactly what I'm doing now just sans internet. Anyway, look at what I wrote on day 31 (so, about a month, just like now) of SWL1:

"I went to the gym...I ran at a new top speed! It was only for a couple of minutes but jogging/running is definitely something I can work up to gradually. I did skip a couple of machines. With the exception of the jogging, I feel like I'm not really pushing myself. I'm doing what I know I can do - maybe I should try and push myself to do the things I think I can't. Like doing a fourth set or adding more weight. This might be another little wall I need to burst through"

Haha, are you kidding?!?! Am I that predictable!?! Hilarious.

Listening to: I Want to Break Free – Queen (Greatest Hits Album…does anyone love this like I do?? I know have an odd taste in music related to my age, but...come on! Queen! )

The weigh you make me feel.

Well:

248.8


That's a 1.2 loss. Not bad! I think for the 100 in 12 to work out I need to lose something like 2.2 or 2.3 pounds a week, but I'm still on track because the past two or three weeks have been bigger losses.

Other things on my mind:

1: Did you know that even if - ahem - WHEN I complete my '100 in 12' goal, I'll still be 20 pounds overweight according to the BMI scale? I mean, I'll take 20 pounds over 120 pounds any day, but still interesting. I don't even know what to think about, and maybe I had a point to go along with this but I seem to have forgotten it. Maybe it's because...

2: I have a bug bite on my left cheek. (face cheek, pervs!) It itches, but my biggest issue is the idea that while I was sleeping some giant insect was just sitting on my face going to town like an all you can eat buffet. It gives me the creeps.

3: I feel like I've been really negative as of late. Sorry! I'm a cheerful and goofy person and sometimes I don't deal with anxiety well, especially when it relates to how I look! Enter: Working out more intensely, leaving it all on the gym floor. I know it'll help! And you all don't need to read a negative blog, for all the positivity I get from reading your blogs. Seriously, they are great, and at the end of all this, I'm gonna owe a lot of my success to blogging and reading your blogs. For realsies.

4: In about 20 minutes from now I'm making a phone call to set up another interview this Thursday or Friday! Yah! And you better believe I'm gonna study my ass off for this one!

5: Question - the Tracker I have on the side there, it's set up so that I need to weigh that amount at the beginning of the month. I weigh myself on Mondays. I usually give myself four weeks per month, obviously. Does this mean I should have my "official" weigh in on the 28th of September or the 5th of October? Help!

6: Lists make me feel so much better.

20 September 2009

Food 'N' Plenty

Simple and boring food today. Except for breakfast!

Breakfast:

*Whole wheat waffle with blueberry sauce

Used this recipe but made some healthier/low calorie substitutions. Oh and I didn’t have whole wheat pastry flour, so I just used regular whole wheat flour. Anyway, the two eggs became egg substitutes, the oil became more unsweetened applesauce, the all-purpose flour became more whole wheat flour, the sugar became Splenda and I didn’t have any flax seed meal so I just used a little more whole wheat flour until the batter had the right thickness.

For the sauce I just took some blueberries, a sprinkling of Splenda and a little bit of lemon juice and let it break down and saucify (I believe that’s the technical term :-P) just a little bit. So there was saucy goodness but also whole blueberries. Very tasty.

Lunch: (big lunch! the veggie medley was a pretty big portion)

*Chicken salad sandwich with lettuce on an Arnold’s Sandwich thin (chunk chicken, shredded, 2 laughing cow light wedges, half an apple, diced, 1/3 a cup of craisins – I used maybe 1/4 of the concoction)
*Vegetable medley salad (diced sugar snap peas, shredded carrots, ¼ of a red pepper diced, ¼ of a baby cucumber diced, all coated in tzatziki sauce)

Snack:

*Can of V8

Dinner:

*Open faced turkey melt?

I took an Arnold’s Sandwich Thin, toasted it, placed two slices of deli turkey meat (50 calories for 2 ounces) on each Thin slice, and put a little roasted red pepper sauce on there. Along with a stringed- string cheese, stuck it under the broiler for a few minutes! Tasty.

[Edit: I also just made a little dessert for myself! I sliced a pear and sprinkled a little nutmeg and cinnamon and popped it in the oven for 15ish minutes, then put a dollop of Sugar Free Cool Whip on top. Delectable.]

---

Do you know what's crazy? Besides the fact that we drive on parkways and park on driveways? Anytime I have a concern with what I'm doing, or if I falter even in my thinking, there is ALWAYS a post from one of the many blogs I follow about that exact topic. Blogging ESP or something, I swear. Today, BitchCakes has a post about pushing herself while exercising. That is exactly what I"ve been thinking about this whole weekend, even with my extra push yesterday on the elliptical.

I’ve been getting on the scale a lot this week and it just seems to be hovering in the 250/251 range. So I’m not expecting anything tomorrow. I think it’s due to my exercise habits more than it is my food choices. I’m doing pretty well with foods, I think. I’m exercising four times a week, which is good, but I think I can do more. I really need to start pushing myself more when I exercise. Not necessarily the length of time exercising, but the exertion during. I set my own pace on the treadmill or elliptical, and I think I'm being too easy on myself. That's not to say I'm not sweating or breathing heavily, but I think I can do more.

Goals for this upcoming week are:

1 – Swim more
2 – Try a class. There’s a Zumba class on Wednesdays at my gym that I have my eye on.

(And the closer I get to The Family visiting, the more I need to let out the tension and anxiety, and exercise is definitely the way to go. Just leave it all on the gym floor.)

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