healthy and happy. one of these days.

22 September 2009

Foodolph the Red Nosed Reindeer? Also, TBL

Breakfast:

*Omelet

Omelet was: egg subst., chopped turkey, onions, spinach, a little red pepper sauce, and some ketchup. It was…meh. Actually, if I’m being honest it was kinda crappy. I appreciated it for the turkey and the spinach, which are good for me, but….never making that again.

Lunch:

*Arnold’s Sandwich Thin w/ 1 tbsp peanut butter
*2/3 a cup of chicken salad mix (chicken, LCL wedge, craisins, diced apple)

Hit the spot. Anything would have compared to breakfast.

Snack:
*Cup o green tea
*94% fat free kettle corn, about half the bag or so

Dinner:

*The rest of my sauté from last night, with a few tasty additions!

I wanted a southwesterny kind of salad, so I steamed some corn and added it as well as a tbsp of cilantro. Then I took two small corn tortillas (110 cals total) and put them under the broiler to get them nice and crispy, and broke them up into little pieces and mixed together! It was pretty good. I think I’ll make it again but not add the black bean sauce ‘cause it has more of an asian vibe. Maybe next time I’ll use actual black beans.

***

I am a big fan of Hulu. Free TV at a great quality! And it allows me to catch up on shows or even view them for the first time. Previous to starting this blog I had never really watched The Biggest Loser. I was a little bit scared of it because the contestants were doing something that I couldn’t. I was maybe afraid to see myself in them, or who knows what. But after seeing that so many of the authors of the blogs I read watch it, I thought, if I’m gonna jump in this game then I’m gonna watch it too. So I did. Aaaand then I started crying.

What an emotional show!! Yeesh. But in a good way. I like all of the contestants. I'm actually watching the second episode right now, so, we'll see what happens!

With the first episode I was a lot more motivated than I thought I would be. It motivated me in terms of working out, and pushing myself and all that, but in another unexpected way.

So many of the contestants talk about keeping up with their families and husbands and wives, and needing to succeed and to live for them. I don’t have any of those. A big part of my motivation is that so I can get those things. For a long time I’ve struggled with the fact that I am single. In fact it's usually other people that make me feel bad about it (add this to the unending list of feelings I let other people dictate in me) One very close friend of mine (who is married and has kids) has told me more than once that she feels that she’s losing common ground with people that aren’t married or have kids, and it takes a toll on friendships. I don’t know if she realized she was saying it to someone that fell into such a category.

She said she “can’t slow down/stop her life, or wait for everyone to catch up” and other things that I felt implied that her husband and children made her successful. And I love her, her husband, and her kids. But I haven’t forgotten what she said and it frustrates the hell out of me – do I resent her for the fact that she implied she was “further ahead” in life than I am, or resent myself for not already being there too? Because I do want to be married, but I just don’t like how she implies that marriage and children are a measure of success. If they are for her, great. I just don't think it's fair to apply those standards to everyone else. Does that make sense? I don't know, I'm confusing.

Actually I’m still unsure on the whole “having kids” thing, but it is so often lumped in with marriage, so I’m just rolling with it for the sake of argument. Anyway, sorry, back to how this relates to Biggest Loser.

I won’t find someone unless I lose weight. It really is as simple as that. And I don’t mean because fat people don’t find love – I don’t mean that in the slightest. But I’ll never be confident enough in myself to date and put myself out there for a man. I know I won’t. If I don’t lose weight, I won’t get married. I won’t have someone to come home to. I will still remain painfully quiet when all my friends discuss being in a relationship (marriage or long term) because I have absolutely no frame of reference. It’s time to change all that.

1 comment:

tisha said...

Oh my. I could have written your last paragraph verbatim three years ago. I weighed about 250 and put myself on match.com with full length photos and many angles. I didn't want any guy to think he'd been ripped off when he actually met me. My husband and I met on match.com. I winked at him one night and the next day left for London. We emailed each other for two weeks. One day while touring the river Thames, I knew I wanted to marry this guy. My friend always used to tell me, "Not every guy wants a size 4 ass." Well, it's true. But I hear you, about not being confident enough in yourself. You'll get there, m'dear. Thanks for the comments on my blog. I'm enjoying your recipes too. When I read you sprinkled cilantro on your salad and added corn a big ol' lightbulb went off. YUM.

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