1-7-13

had an interesting day today. i got a call from my trainer who informed me that he won't be my trainer anymore - he's "breaking up" with my gym, soooooo it looks like i'll have to find a new one. maybe it'll be a new opportunity, but right now it's just unease of the unknown. but we'll see what happens when i get back from new york.

and by that i mean - i'll be in new york for the next week! my organization's annual conference is there, and the whole staff goes up. i'll be back on the 15th, and i'm not sure what kind of posting i'll be doing. i also don't know what kind of exercise i'll be doing. i'm  bringing my running shoes and some workout clothes, so i'm hoping i'll have some kind of motivation. 

anyhoodle, on to the food for today. 

breakfast, cottage cheese with grapes, cup of coffee with half and half.

lunch: trader joe's southwest salad with 4-5 oz chicken breast added

snack: fage yogurt with strawberry, cup of coffee with  half and half.

 dinner LOOKS gross, but it was REAL good. this was a palak paneer frozen meal from trader joe's, with a piece of naan. i actually ended up eating another half of a piece of naan because i wanted to clean out my pantry before i leave for new york. plus, carbs are delicious.

1-6-13

welp, i only have one picture to share with you. on a related note, it's also pretty much the only healthy thing i ate today. blech.

breakfast was two eggs, a gala apple, and a glass of skim milk.

from there, i went over to my parents house. which is currently the only place that i often go that still has the foods i generally stay away from.

so, lunch was a grilled cheese with ham (and FOUR slices of cheese. yep.) made with whole grain toast, at least. with tomato soup (1/2 can of progresso, so one serving). and like 4 handfuls of kettle cooked potato chips.

i also ate maybe a cup or two of goldfish.

then i ate two hotdogs, on potato bread rolls, with ketchup.

i had 4 or 5 diet sodas over the course of the 6-7 hours i was over there (two football games, basically)

after my lunch, my stomach was NOT having it. it was mutiny. i didn't get SICK sick, but, well, i'll just leave it at that. after pretty clean eating for five weeks, i can't say i blame it.

but not to worry, back to business tomorrow. as of saturday, the scale was still going down, and i'd like to keep it going in that direction!

(and eat healthier, and be stronger, and run longer, and improve my body image, etc etc etc! it's not all about the scale, my friends!)

1-5-13

so, to catch us up to today, here's the goings on.

i went to the gym for a bit and did c25k, week 3 day 2. but i slowed the hell down and was able to do it just fine. it was a little challenging but i made it. i had been running at 5.0, but slowed down to 4.7 and it was much better. still doing the walking intervals at 3.0.

so on to the meals. i actually am not entirely pleased with my eating today, although it's been healthy things. i skipped breakfast, and by the time i was home to eat something, it was lunchtime and i just went with a salad (with chicken added, of course). and my dinner was very carb-heavy. so, meh. i prefer to be more well-rounded than this.

breakfast/lunch: trader joe's southwest salad with 5 oz chicken breast added:

a snack later on in the day, fage greek yogurt cup, with mango guasomethingorother

dinner was a piece of naan with smartbalance, and trader joe's garden vegetable lasagna.

1-4-13

even though it's 1-5-13, i didn't post yesterday. but never fear, eating was fine. i was just tired at the end of the day and chose to watch eleventy billion episodes of once upon a time in a row instead :)

breakfast, you know it, you've seen it many times before. whole grain toast with peanut butter, and some grapes. and coffee with half and half.

i had more grapes later in the day. (AND I STILL HAVEN'T FINISHED THE COSTCO GRAPES, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY. WHEN WILL IT END?!?!)

lunch was another usual suspect, paneer tikka masala with a piece of naan.

and then i had another cup of coffee with half and half, because it was THAT kind of day.

by the time i got home from work, ran a few errands, and settled in for the night, i was tired and this was all i could manage to prepare for myself. half a cup of cottage cheese and an apple. not very exciting, but it sure did hit the spot, i must say.

1-3-13

my calories were fine, but i'm not totally pleased with what i ate today. i feel like it was all carbs and pretty much no vegetables. i really need to go grocery shopping.

after work i had a trainer session, that went okay. we did legs so i feel like i survived it a little better than other sessions. when it comes to my core and/or my arms, i always struggle so much more. blerg, but i hope it'll continue to get better.

breakfast was a piece of whole grain bread with peanut butter, and a cup of coffee with half and half.

lunch was a smartones ziti with meatballs and cheese

dinner was a lean cuisine parmesan-crusted fish with penne and vegetables (at least there were some in there)

two out of three meals today were frozen meals. what a glamorous, glamorous life i lead.

1-2-13

day two of 2013, and we're back in business. with eating healthfully and also as i mentioned in my last post...i signed up for a half marathon (in may), the day before my 30th birthday.

next week i leave for new york city for a week; my organization's annual conference is there, and we all go - i packed my running shoes (my old pair) to take with me, so i'm hoping i'll be inspired to keep training even during this crazy hectic week (we work 12-15 hour days). but we'll see.

anyway, on to today's food.

breakfast was two eggs and some salsa. this picture is terrible, but the food was tasty.

lunch was a smartones - rigatoni in vodka cream sauce, and i added 4-5 oz chicken breast.

snack was a gala apple!

for dinner i made stir fry, with a little bit of lite olive oil and reduced sodium soy sauce. i took a before and after picture, because, do you see the before picture? it's like, would you like a few other vegetables with your gigantic onion? i like onion so no worries, but...yeesh. a little diversity wouldn't kill you.

i did something

i'll put up the daily food stuff later, but i wanted to tell you all that i did something (crazy) today...and i WILL be doing something. soon-ish. only two people in my real life know i did it.

i signed up for a half-marathon today. 

it's the alexandria running festival - the start/finish is about a 5 minute drive from my apartment.

it's on may 26th.

may 27th is my 30th birthday.

am i the world's most inexperienced runner? YES. have i ever run a race before, ever? NO. but i want to complete it, and this little voice inside of me says i can. so i'm going to try.

my friends and i also signed up for a 5K on february 10, so that'll be a good mini-goal. my only goal with that race is to run the whole time...even if my running pace is the same as someone who is walking :-P

from there, i'll still have my trainer sessions once a week, which will help with crosstraining. and i've done some research on training programs to give me a good sense of per-week mileage, and running groups in the area, once i feel more comfortable with running.

believing in myself and having confidence in myself are just as foreign to me as running 13.1 miles - so i'm hoping i can train for both over the next 4-5 months.

a half marathon the day before my 30th birthday.

holy shit, what have i done?

1-1-13!

well, being hungover isn't a great way to start a new year, but hell, i had fun getting there at least!

to wrap up yesterday, after i left work, i went to the gym to do week 3 day 1 of c25k...i mostly got through it. the last 3 minute stretch of running, i cheated - i ran for a minute (at a slower pace), then walked a minute, then ran the last minute (at the pace i'm trying to keep) - and then after a few minutes of walking, i ran another 45 seconds, just because. the three minutes was a LOT harder than i thought it would be. i have a long way to go before i consider myself a runner. but you have to start somewhere.

so on to new year's eve, i ate and drank plenty! there were cheese and crackers, lasagna, lamb chops (yeah, my friends are fancypants), champagne, red wine, more champagne, bacon-wrapped sausages, a few different phyllo dough appetizers, and olive tapenade with crostini. DELICIOUS. i don't regret a thing...except for maybe those last couple glasses of champagne.

anyhoodle, unsurprisingly, today has been pretty low key. i also gave myself permission to eat whatever i damn well please. i've been doing just that (but not a lot, you'll see) and watching once upon a time on netflix.

1. i had a piece of toast with homemade (not by me, though) raspberry rhubarb jam. i also had a cup of coffee with half and half but i forgot to take a picture.

2. two smartones cheeseburgers. yep.

3. since it basically has enough calories in it to be a meal, i had a green machine naked drink!

4. whenever i'm hungover or sick, the spicy bowl noodles are my JAM.

i also am drinking a powerade but didn't take a picture, you know what that looks like.

the last day of 2012

hi guys. thought i'd get breakfast/lunch/snack in, since i have a busy rest of the day!

breakfast was the usual, 1/2 cup cottage cheese and red seedless grapes.

*i don't have lunch pictured, b/c i was eating with coworkers, but i had a trader joe's reduced guilt macaroni and cheese frozen meal, and a small plate of salad with maybe 1-2 tbsp italian dressing (the office had a pizza party. i brought my own main dish but did have some of the salad they ordered)

...and i am currently wolfing this snack down, to try and get some energy in my before i go to the gym in about 30 minutes. crappy lighting, but i think you can still make out the gala apple all chopped up, with however much peanut butter that is (pb&co's mighty maple, natch)

i'm off to reston (about 40 mins from where i live) for new years at a friend's place - there will be about 8 of us ringing in the new year together. we're having a potluck, playing games, drinking (obvi) and wearing sparkly headbands!

**my prediction is that it'll start out with just the girls wearing them, but at some point, the menfolk will have had enough drinks and there will be a photoshoot with dudes in sparkly headbands. i've known these people for 15 years, i'm pretty sure it's going to happen. and i can't wait.**

12-30 part two

this is a full piece of naan with some smartbalance butter.

real talk, i am stress-eating this because the redskins-cowboys game is killing me. (i am a lifelong redskins fan)

12-30 and new years blues

so this is what i've had to eat so far today. i'm pretty proud of it considering i've been stewing and my stomach churning which turns into compulsive eating has been blaring for the past few hours.

i might have another little something in a couple of hours, but we'll just put this up for now.

breakfast: 1/2 cup cottage cheese with red seedless grapes.

lunch: 4 oz chicken breast sliced with about 4 tbsp tzatziki sauce on whole grain bread, a cup of trader joe's creamy corn and roasted red pepper soup

(i ended up eating that apple a few hours later, as a snack)

dinner (i guess?) - i was hungry for dinner already but it was way too early - so i thought i might break it up into two smaller meals that could be combined into one (but we'll see if i have that second one, i don't really know what i feel like eating)

anyway, this is a couple tbsp of sour cream, salsa, and 4-5 oz of shredded chicken breast, with 1/2 cup mozz cheese (i would have used a different kind if i had any) with a little sprinkling of the following: chipotle pepper, paprika, cumin.

it was REAL good.

-----

so, here's me, today. i've been working on cleaning up my apartment today, doing laundry, getting some cooking done, and the tv has been tuned into football all day. it's my kind of sunday. but i'm a little bit sad because i would really like to be sharing it with someone.

the holidays, especially new years, are hard to spend alone. and feeling lonely isn't good for making healthy choices. if you look at the "feeeeeeeeeeelings" link, you'll see how i was feeling today. i wanted to go over to my parents' house and eat like ALL of their hotdogs and potato chips and diet soda. i've made the decision to not go over there, because i don't want to compulsively eat. even though i do. but i don't. you know what i mean.

i was even to the point of feeling sentimental towards the last person i dated - i still think about him all the time, even though it's been a year since we've spoken at all, and about two years since i physically saw him. but when he's the first man to tell you he loves you, that tends to stick, even if he was a very selfish person that made me feel less than i deserved.  and i know it's likely that i miss the IDEA of him rather than him itself, but it doesn't make it any easier necessarily, because i'm still sitting here missing something.

and here's the thing. i'm funny, affectionate, a good cook and a better baker, i'm kind, i've got a decent face that i actually like, i'm smart, i live by myself and i have a great job (even if it does stress me out). and it drives me bonkers that all of that isn't enough for ME. those qualities are only valuable in the context of a man showing interest in me?

it's a difficult line to walk when you're trying to improve yourself, and just be okay with who you are, but also genuinely wanting to share your life with someone. i miss affection, i miss quiet nights together, i miss feeling wanted and cared for (not like, friends and family cared for, you know what i mean).

i know i'm also very impatient when it comes to things i want, so even though i've been doing really great these past three weeks with eating and taking care of myself, i want to speed things up and just get smaller so i can look better to the opposite sex, already. and it doesn't help that i'll be 30 in six months.

and i'm not deliberately doing anything to put myself out there in the dating world, because i know better. i need to be focusing on myself, but that doesn't make me feel any less lonely sometimes.

sigh.

12-29

i got through it (so far, it's only about 7:30 right now) - another weekend, another hotbed of opportunities to compulsively eat. it's crazy how i didn't think about it a single bit this week, but then it's the weekend and i had "those feelings" again. i suppose i felt a little bit stronger than previous weeks, but, they're still there. luckily, a VERY long nap and a quick grocery store outing (ahem, trader joe's) helped to alleviate the thoughts.

anyhoodle, here's the 411 on the eats today. you know, if it were 1997 and that's how i talked.

breakfast:

two eggs, two apple maple chicken sausage links, and a crapload of grapes.

protip: when you ask your parents to pick you up some grapes from costco, BE READY TO EAT A LOT OF GRAPES.

post-gym snack (i did week 2 day 3 of c25k today) - gala apple and however much peanut butter that is

lunch: paneer tikka masala with half a piece of naan

dinner: 4-5 oz chicken with stir fry mix! (made with light olive oil and a little bit of soy sauce)

12-28

just eatin' mah dinner and bloggin'. on a friday night. i know, i know. i AM that cool.

since i AM that cool, we'll start backwards. dinner first! that's about 5 oz of chicken breast with trader joe's fresh stir fry mix, made with a little bit of lite olive oil and soy sauce. (yep, even the soy sauce is trader joe's brand. so is the chicken. ...i have a sickness.)

moving backwards, before my gym session with the trainer, i ate part of the starbucks' protein box - just the grapes, hard boiled egg and cheese. and yes, i did sprinkle that salt on the egg as i ate it, sodium be damned. some things are worth it, and that is one of them. the starbucks cup is filled with their spearmint green tea.

back, back  back it up: lunch was a (GASP OF ALL GASPS) trader joe's paneer tikka masala meal with half a piece of their tandoori naan.

finally, breakfast was remarkably trader joe's free, for once. a cup of coffee with half and half a fage yogurt cup and an apple (HAHA, WAIT - just as i wrote that, i realized, i got the apple AND the half and half from trader joe's. seriously, i go there once a week. EVERYTHING IS AMAZING)

do you think i can get a "jared the subway guy" type-deal from trader joe's? because, seriously. like everything i eat is from there.

i hope everyone has a fun and safe weekend!

12-27 wrap up

for dinner, as i mentioned earlier, i had thai takeout with friends. i got what i had scoped out on the menu, the "spicy garden" with tofu added. according to the description: "Sauteed mixed fresh vegetables in a spicy bean sauce" - and then i added tofu, because, delicious. the veggies were baby corn, cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, i think i maybe saw an onion possibly, and mushrooms.

it was probably two servings but i ate the entire thing because i was starving - it had been about 7 hours since i last ate, poor planning on my part. but at least it was all veggies (and tofu).

oh and i drank about half of a diet coke, but mostly just drank water.

i also did week 2 day 2 of c25k today. it was much easier today than it was yesterday. tomorrow will be a session with the trainer, so that'll be....challenging, as it always is.

12-27-12 so far

i wanted to get this stuff in so far today, because i have a long (but fun!) rest of my day and i won't be at my computer for quite a while.

breakfast: 1/2 cup cottage cheese, and red seedless grapes, and a cup of coffee (caribou blend with half and half)

lunch: trader joe's harvest salad with grilled chicken (grilled chicken, green beans, corn, with dijon vinagrette...and the cheese and half a hard boiled egg i eat separately, because, OM NOM NOM)

and that's it so far today. i'm leaving work in about an hour to go meet my dearest lady friends at a bridal salon - we're all bridesmaids in a wedding next year (two weddings, actually, but that's neither here nor there) and we're trying on some dresses. and then heading back to the bride's apartment to meet back up with the men-folk and get some thai takeout and enjoy each other's company :)

(and yes, i already scoped out the menu, and there's a spicy veggie dish that looks like it might get the job done)

as an added bonus, i took a picture of one of my office desk drawers. my coworkers make fun of me for the mini-CVS i have going. but who do they come to when they need cold medicine or band-aids?! THIS GAL.

among other things, that's four different kinds of vitamins, allergy/sinus meds, brush, toothbrush/toothpaste, floss, makeup, lotion, deodorant, and YES, even a measuring cup. and yeah there's some candy in there too but i haven't touched that in weeks. i figure it's for coworker-emergencies now :)

12-26 wrap up, and, a brief conversation

so i bought new running/gym shoes today, because my old ones were giving me craaazy hurtz in my arches. once i had a pair selected (with the help of the store guy), i asked:

me: so what's their shelf-life?

store guy: they say about 400-450 miles

me: HAHAHA, SO, FOREVER?

store guy: ..........

me: .................

store guy: probably 8 months to a year?

me: sounds good.

---------

lunch: trader joe's bistro salad (kale, edamame, scallions, dried cranberries, toasted almond slivers, and a lemon herb dressing)

snack: fage greek yogurt with strawberry goji

dinner: stir fry with 2 eggs scrambled, with sriracha (the stir fry was made with a little light olive oil and a tbsp or two of soy sauce)

-------

also, i did day one, week 2 of c25k. with  my new shoes! and it was hard. really hard. the final interval, i ran for 15 seconds, caved and walked for 30 seconds, before i finished the final 45 seconds of running. to make myself feel better, i tacked on an extra minute of running after i finished the walking portion and some of my cool down. i can't leave well enough alone.

but i'm happy i went to the gym, and started the second week of c25k, even if it did kick my ass.

by the way, part two

i totally caved. i looked.

-----

the good: it's not as high as i thought it would be.

the bad: 247.4

the good: i'm back on track so far today**, and it feels pretty easy.

the bad: i haven't exercised since last thursday.

the good: **so far today:

cup of pumpkin spice coffee with half and half, and 1/2 cup of cottage cheese with however many red seedless grapes that is.

the bad: i totally should have titled last/this post "by the WEIGH" - how did i miss that opportunity?!

the good: i'm feeling better about myself these days.

the bad: christmas sometimes feels lonely for me . once i got the taste of dating someone during the holidays (that was all the way back in 2010) it's hard to go from that to back to single again. even if i feel better about myself, it still isn't fun to not have someone to go home to. i find christmas lights extremely romantic, damnit!

the good: the gift i got my parents made my mom cry :) granted, she's a crier, so i could have made her a macaroni necklace and she probably would have welled up, but, still.  :) happy christmas!

by the way...

last tuesday, i weighed myself and i was at 244. i'm afraid to check this week. i know it will be higher, since, at the very least, my carb intake has gone up so much since saturday.

so, i'm curious to see what it is, but i'm also afraid of shaming myself. i want to stay on top of it but i don't want to place too much emphasis on it. i want to see the damage done but i also DON'T want to see the damage done.

what would you do?

the rest of 12-24 and 12-25!

well, once again, no pictures. i would say i took a break with healthy eating, especially today.

so rounding up christmas eve, last night for dinner, we went to our family friends' house and i had:

(appetizers) crackers, cheese, dip (i would say 10 crackers maybe, with as many slices of cheese? maybe less? i'm not sure)
two glasses of champagne

dinner: glass of red wine, and a piece of beef tenderloin (5-6 oz probably?) 2/3 a cup of mashed potatoes, spinach salad, and broccoli casserole. i *think* that was it...i feel like i'm missing something though.

the dessert i mentioned yesterday? i had two bites that i stole from my family friend's plate ;-) it was more like, we said we'd share, and i made him eat most of it. i feel/felt fine about it.

12/25

breakfast: coffee with milk, and i had half of a cinnamon bun (non-iced), and two eggs over-medium with ketchup.

lunch: two hot dogs (in potato bread buns) with ketchup, and like 3 handfuls of kettle cooked potato chips with ranch dressing, and a diet root beer

"snack" aka "a relapse in compulsive eating": sad nachos, made with white corn tortilla strips and mexican four cheese blend, and a diet coke. even as i was eating it, i knew it was wholly unnecessary and out of boredom.

right before dinner, i ALMOST had a slice of the leftover pie from yesterday, but i changed my mind. i had one sole white chocolate peppermint m&m instead. shrug.

dinner: beef stroganoff with about 1/2 cup "dirty" rice, with about 1 cup of the beef/sauce part. and julienned carrots with basil and butter, romaine lettuce/cucumber/avocado salad with poppyseed dressing, and two crescent rolls.

-----

i had a wonderful christmas day, and i am hoping that tomorrow i won't feel too out of sorts about going back to salads, healthy things, a LOT less carbs, etc. thankfully I still feel okay about no/very little sugar so i don't anticipate that being a problem. also, mind you, i am fully aware that alcohol often can have a fair bit of sugar, but, i'm fine to just restrict myself on desserts :)

12-24 lunch

a coworker was nice enough to treat the few of us in the office today for lunch! this is panera's fuji apple chicken salad.