healthy and happy. one of these days.

06 September 2009

"I'll have a meatball sub, extra bread"

I found it!! The camera! It was on the floor under my desk, behind the surge protector. …I amaze myself sometimes. My slovenliness knows no bounds.

So my mini-trip was good. All I had before I left was the breakfast (at noon, heh) and then I took along carrots and celery in the car. So, here’s something. I was driving along, and there is a car on my right, and the driver’s outline appears to be that of a young male’s. Do you know what I did? I stopped chewing. Like, mid-carrot. I stopped chewing because the first thing that came to my mind was that he would think “How stereotypical, fat girl eating. She can’t stop eating, ever.” And I realized how absurd this was, because 1: That’s not at all the context in which I am eating and 2: Who gives a flying fuck what the guy in the car next to me thinks!

So I resumed eating. But it also reminded me of an article I saw on Jezebel about how the “Skinny Glutton” is such a popular character right now – Liz Lemon on 30 Rock, for example. Ordering a meatball sandwich with extra bread. It’s hilarious, and yet, if we saw it in real life, she wouldn’t have the body of Tina Fey nor would we think it was funny or endearingly quirky. But please don't get me wrong, I love 30 Rock, it's one of my favorite shows ever. The article also points out Grace Adler from Will&Grace and Lorelei Gilmore from Gilmore Girls.

And it made me think: if I was slender or thin or whatever, I would feel like my eating would be cute or quirky or adorable. I’ve seen it happen in real life. But since I'm big, then all of a sudden it’s a matter of no self control, or it’s repulsive. At least that’s how I feel about it. And it’s annoying. But that article made me feel better, like it was conditioning in a way.

The obvious message here is to not give a good damn what other people think (and to maybe not garner our values from television) but I’m just not that thick-skinned. Surprisingly, I’ve gotten better about it over the years, but I still get that knee-jerk feeling of self-consciousness whenever I’m eating in public or sometimes, just being out at all. Meh.

I’ll get to the actual trip later today. I just got home about 30 minutes ago, and I’m starving – so I’m going to go make myself something to eat. Take that, guy in the car.

What I’m listening to: Don’t Stop Believin’ (Glee Cast Version)
What I’m watching: GLEE! And SYTYCD, both start this Wednesday. I’m hyped!


Amy said...

Hey there. I notice that you have a VT shirt on. I live in VA also. My cousin went to VT quite a few years ago. I am too trying to lose weight. You can check out my blog if you have time at
I will be back to read your blog again.

Melissa said...

Great blog! I can't tell you how many times I've stopped eating in my car because I was afraid of what people would think. What the hell?! Who cares what they think?! I remember when I was "thin", I would order the fattiest thing on the menu just to hear people say "oh my god, how can you eat like that and still be thin?" blah blah. Ugh, what a bee-otch!

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