Here I go again...

Oh, hi there. *sheepish look*.

Uh, how’s everybody doin’?

I’m…okay. I’ve been eating pretty darn poorly this past week – lots of chocolate and candy from my stocking, Christmas cookies, ice cream, Diet Coke, and bagels for breakfast, and lunch, and dinner. There was literally one day last week when I had a bagel at EVERY MEAL. I felt…gross.

My mom and I are fine. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone in that one. I love her to pieces and I know she’s my biggest fan, she just seems to have a weird way of showing it? I don’t know.

But things are fine and we had a nice Christmas. I got money for new running shoes, so I’m probably going to go to a store like Pacers or Footsteps to get their opinions. Can I tell you, though – I am scared to go in there, and I’ll tell you why. (you can probably guess why) My size. I have this image that all people that go in there are runners, therefore zero-percent-body-fat kind of people. And also, if they have to watch you run to figure out if you over-pronate or whatever – oh man, I am terrified by not only the clerks watching me, but anyone else in the store!? EEPS.

That’s the number one reason why I haven’t gone to one of those stores yet. Or hell, even if they don’t judge me because most of the time I’m projecting and it’s my own judgment and not theirs, I’m going to compare myself like you wouldn’t believe anyway! Ugh. What a neurotic sentence that was.

Well, I’ll just have to give myself the pep talk of all pep talks at some point and just cowboy up and go in there. Because I want pretty new running shoes.

For that matter, I want to be running again. I haven’t been to the gym in two weeks. I haven’t done any kind of physical activity. I feel kind of sluggish. I noticed the other day that I felt a little more out of breath after running up all of my townhouse stairs. That scared/saddened me a little bit. My weight isn’t up that much (this has to be a gigantic Christmas present from the Universe) so it’s just fitness related.

***
Okay, I guess we’ll go ahead and get to it – my weight this morning, which marks the last week in December but also the end of the Challenge! Ha, YES, I was still technically participating!

Somehow, miraculously, I am at 218.8 this morning. It’s only a .4 gain from last week. If you saw what I ate this week, you’d be surprised too!

And I did my measurements – I’m unsure about their accuracy because I can’t remember the exact spots I measured last time, so…oh well!

Arm 12 (13 at the beginning of the challenge – 1 inch down!)
Waist 45 (47 at the beginning of the challenge – 2 inches down!)
Bust 44 (50 at the beginning of the challenge – 6 inches down! Bless the Lord and my inaccurate measuring!)
Leg 26 (26.5 at the beginning of the challenge - .5 inches down!)
Hips 50 (52 at the beginning of the challenge – 2 inches down!)

Well, that makes me feel pretty good, even considering they might not be entirely accurate. 11.5 inches total? I like it.

***

On to the future.

I want and need to start doing better. I don’t want to weigh any higher than I do right now, I don’t deserve to. I was looking at my own blog the other day, and realized, UH, it’s called 100in12 not for cuteness purposes, but for, you know, goal purposes. I still have that ultimate goal I’m working for.

As of right now, I’m still okay as far as those monthly goals I’ve set, and I want it to stay that way.

I want to blog more again. I miss being participatory in your lives, and my own life for that matter.

...so when are you going to Florida again?

This isn’t exactly how I wanted my first post back to go, but I have to just get this out.

First, though, the biggest thank-you for all of your comments on my meltdown, and for not running me right out of the internet with torches and pitchforks for all the moping and the big pity party I threw for myself. Thank you. I’m still not doing well, but I’m slowly coming back. I started drinking water again, took vitamins, and had a good breakfast and lunch today – and I’m giving myself credit for that.

The reason I’m writing this is because of the interesting conversation I just had with my mother. She comes into the living room where I’m sitting and after asking me what I had made in the kitchen (fries…I know but that’s another post) she starts in on asking me if I’m giving up, or how long I’m going to be doing this, something to that effect.

I…calmly erupted.

I told her – “Yes, I’m having a bad weekend. I’m well aware that I’m not eating well. But it’s not your place to tell me what to do or what not to do or how to react to my life – it’s my place. I know what I’m doing and just because I have a bad weekend doesn’t mean it’s all over. During the first time around there were plenty of months, weeks, and/or days when I wasn’t on track and I took a break. But you learn from it and it doesn’t mean it’s over."

She launched into (once again) how she’s afraid no one will hire me (TOO FUCKING SOON, MA) and how my general appearance matters. She also (later on towards the end of our “talk”) mentioned she noticed I “stopped going” to the gym.

Well fuck me. (and I didn't say this, but also in regard to the gym: it’s been a god damned week, lady. BACK OFF)

I told her – “I know this isn’t how you mean it, but part of that translates to me as you don’t accept me for who I am and, more specifically, what I look like. If there is one place in the world where I am allowed to make mistakes and be myself, it should be at home.”
If I start feeling like I can’t be myself, that’s the end of the damn line right there.

She kept on going too, but eventually I just told her if she wants to support me, she can do it by keeping her distance on this.

I hope I’m expressing myself in the right way here – it’s not like I’m thrilled that I’m doing this to myself, but I can see the forest for the trees. I know this isn’t the end. I am the same person I was a week ago that I am right now.

And the thing is, this time around, I’m trying to work with my flaws rather than against them. To be quite honest with you and myself, a lot of times when my mom tells me to do something that I know I need to do but don't really want to, it just makes me want to not do it that much more. The only-child-brat inside of me wants to do the exact opposite, even though the level headed young adult side knows she's right. And I'm working on that. But right now, at this moment, I need her to not say ANYTHING because otherwise it's just going to go badly. I'm not going to react like a mature adult that handles such criticism gracefully.

Yes, quite often I can’t handle criticism, and I am emotionally immature and often still feel (and sometimes act) like a 16 year old. I can’t change all this overnight AND lose weight AND change my life AND AND AND. If I try to tackle them all at once I’ll fail and give up or I’ll freeze from intimidation and never get anywhere. I know myself and I want this to work. There are so many goddamned things I don’t like about who and where I am in life, and I’m trying to work through them slowly and work with them with full awareness that I want to eventually change or eradicate them.

I know she meant it because she cares, but it’s my program, my journey (what am I, on a reality show?) and my mistakes and successes, not anyone else’s. I lay enough guilt on myself as it is, I don’t need any outside pressure. And there are a million other little reasons why her “concern” (her words) piss me off, just things on which you’ll have to trust me when I write all this.

Has anyone else been through anything similar? Do you have that person whose advice you just don’t want on certain topics?

(PS I did weigh myself and I'm at 218.4...so I'm back up. But it's not over. Even though I'm still royally pissed off. Serenity now?)

I've been crying all day because...

I got that call today. I didn’t get the job. I knew it, I KNEW it, and it still hurt like hell.

I can’t buy my parents Christmas presents.

I can't remember a time in the last year when I haven't been ashamed of where (and sometimes who) I am in life.

I have to show up to Christmas Eve dinner next week with a family that has a lawyer, a nurse, and a student in college getting amazing grades and all three of them are in serious relationships.

I don’t have a single thing that I’m really good at – that defines who I am and points me in a direction.

I have to participate in holiday small talk with people I haven’t seen in a while and tell them that I’m still unemployed. They don’t even ask about dating anymore.

Today is my one year anniversary of unemployment and I got turned away from a job that I wanted with all my heart.

I can’t pay my parents back for all the money they’ve lent me this year and last year.

I can't get a job in the field I just spent the last two years of my life dedicated to.

It’s entirely my fault I didn’t get this job and I wonder if part of me did it on purpose.

I have to start all over.

I don’t know when it’s going to stop.

I’ve got absolutely nothing.

Hmm...

*You might want to skip over this part because it's BIG OL' whinefest and I'm even slightly irritated with myself but I just want to get it out and deal with it*

I came to the conclusion today, based on a number of factors, that I am 95% certain that I didn't get this most recent job I interviewed for. The one that I loved. That would have been almost perfect. And now I have nothing. I am feeling really really low. Tomorrow marks my one year unemployment anniversary.

In two weeks my parents are going down to Florida for four months. I'm worried I'm going to enter into some downward spiral and my eating will be destructive and out of control just like it was last year.

I think the only thing keeping me going at this point is the blog and not looking pitiful (TOO LATE) in front of all of you. I don't want to have to report eating an entire order of boneless buffalo wings, and almost an entire XL pizza - as one meal of my day. Or an entire cake. Or 5 different varieties of chinese/thai food. I could go on.

I don't want to do any of it. But when I remove myself from the blog and I'm left with just.me...it just doesn't feel like I'm headed in a good direction. I haven't exercised since Monday - the only thing I can manage to keep myself from doing is eating poorly - because it's easier to eat and choose healthier foods (because, hey, at least I get to eat and I'm good at that) than to exert myself physically.

I just...I wanted so badly for this (job) to be the end of an entire year of shit (I'm leaving a lot of personal stuff out that doesn't need to be put on the internet, trust.) and start the new year on a good note. But it doesn't look that way now. And I can feel myself slipping and I hate it and the worst part is not feeling like I'm worth pulling myself out if it.

Vitamins – Check

Water – 100oz

Breakfast:

*egg sandwich: toasted arnold’s thin, 3 small slices avocado, diced red pepper and egg substitute, ketchup

Lunch:

*sandwich: arnold’s sandwich thin, chicken with mayo, and gala apple slices
*18 all-bran crackers

Dinner:

*wrap: chicken with mayo, 5 bread and butter pickles, regular mustard, romaine lettuce
*half a red pepper chopped with sabra hummus (individual size)

Snack/Dessert:

*100 calorie bag of 94% fat free kettle corn popcorn (I loathe typing this out, I feel like it takes half an hour)

I'm in the Food for Love

Today was low key. I didn’t exercise. In between having some family friends visit and going over to my other friends’ place for dinner, I honestly spent the day looking at my phone longingly as its silence tugged at my heartstrings. No I’m totally not melodramatic, what?

Vitamins – Check! (I may or may not have just gone downstairs to finish a bottle of water and take them so I could report I actually took them :-P)

Water – I had 60oz via my water bottle, and 3 glasses at my friends’ place for dinner. I’d say an additional 16-20oz at least.

Breakfast:

*oatmeal with raspberries, blueberries, and slivered almonds

Lunch:

*can of V8
*wrap: chicken with mayo, 3 slices avocado, whole wheat wrap, chopped romaine lettuce, 8 bread and butter pickles, honey mustard
*half cup veggie crunchers

*Cup of coffee

Dinner:

*2 small breasts of orange ginger glazed chicken (maybe 6oz in total, so a hefty portion!)
*2/3 cup of white rice

Dessert:

*glass (cup and a half, I’d say) of milk
*3 chocolate chip cookies.

Heh, yes indeed I had cookies and milk for dessert. Dinner and dessert was over at my friends’ place, in their new condo – they finally moved in last weekend! So we had dinner and then had dessert while watching Up. Seriously, I love that movie :-) We had a good time!

(CRAP! Didn't get in a veggie at dinner. Shoot.)

Oh, hi there.

I didn't post last night, that's obvious, no? I kinda, just, didn't feel like it. I turned my computer off early in the evening and wanted to step away from it a little bit. It didn't help that I didn't eat in a timely fashion yesterday and I wasn't looking forward to posting AGAIN about how I missed a meal because I'm a poor planner and got all crazy and distracted yada yada. I just get worried that you all out there in blogland are going to start thinking I have an actual problem of some kind - other than just being scatterbrained, mind you. I suppose I should also not care what other people think...but that's a completely different discussion/blog/world isn't it?

Okay, so let's just get down to business then!

I'lll start with our regularly scheduled progamming, Challenge Wednesdays!

...even though it's total BS. I call BS on the scale.

Do you know what it said?

I'll tell you.

217.

Between Monday and now I seem to have gained like 3 pounds. Impossible. I believe the culprit to be water - both in that I didn't have enough of it on Tuesday, but also because I drank some this morning without thinking as I got up before I got on the scale. And That Biological Event of a Woman That Shall Not Be Named is coming up real soon. Gross.

The reasons for the scale number could be all of these or none of these, I don't know. Regardless I'm totally not buying this number at all, so no worries.

On to goal-tracking!

Last week's goals were:

*Keep tracking and drinking water! Check!
*Vitamins.every.day. Check!
*Do the Shred DVD at least once FAIL.
*Eat a fruit or a vegetable at every meal. Things like V8 or some soups count – but I don’t want to rely on them. So close! I'm gonna give myself a Half-Check on this one.
*Don’t look at the scale until Monday. Check!

I got most of 'em!

Goals for next week:

*Keep tracking and drinking water
*Vitamins every day
*Eat a fruit or a vegetable at every meal (V8 counts but I try not to rely on it)
*Go to the gym at least twice

Okay and now, finally, the meals from yesterday.

I had a second/final interview yesterday and I had to start getting ready around noon, and I didn’t get home until 5pm – hence the sporadic meals. They were nutritious and included veggies, though!

Vitamins – Check!

Water – Only 36oz. For shaaaame

Breakfast:

*egg sandwich: egg subst., mushrooms, 2 thin slices avocado, ketchup
*can of V8

Snack:

*half a cup of cottage cheese

Dinner:

*individual meatloaf (I ate about half, which is still a pretty big portion, well over 5oz)
*steamed broccoli
*glass of milk

Dessert:

*skinny cow ice cream cone

Til I Hear From Food (mmm yes I did watch Empire Records last night!)

Made quite the triumphant return to the gym today.

I almost didn’t go. After I wrote this morning’s post (the weigh in one, not the Muppet one or the obvious ploy for STUFF!) I sat down to play Wii – MarioKart this time, I clearly need to give SMB3 a rest. I did a couple of courses and I thought to myself What did I just. freaking. say. about. this. I wasn’t happy about not exercising, and here I am continuing to not exercise. What am I waiting for? An engraved invitation apparently. But I stopped waiting for said engraved invitation and got myself there. I’m proud of that.

I’m even MORE proud of what I did. It was a quick trip, I was there for 26 minutes and 30 seconds. RUNNING ALL OF IT! I ran for 26 minutes and 30 seconds! I took the speed down a few notches (4, to be precise) to 4.6mph and ran for a little over 2 miles.

I am really proud of myself. I was getting kinda tired around minute 18, but I thought, I can make it to 20. And then I thought, hell, I can make it 6 more – it did feel like a pretty light jog. But a sustained jog for a really long time!

I also liked that I switched things up pace-wise. I don’t always have to try and be faster and run for longer and do this and that and conquer the world of fitness in one session. I did my two miles and I left because I wanted to show myself I didn’t have to keep going going going and hold unrealistic expectations (I used to do this for everything and constantly set myself up for failure) for my own fitness. I pushed myself but not to the point of impossibility.

(Side note: What really pushed me while running? I was watching Chef Academy on Bravo. I love it! I have a crush on Kup. Man that show is my guilty pleasure. That and Tough Love on VH1.)

Vitamins – Check!

Water – 116oz

Breakfast:

*1 toasted arnold’s thin (whole wheat) quartered with ICBINB spray
*egg scramble: egg subst., diced red pepper, diced mushroom, 1 LCL wedge, ketchup

Use quartered toast to scoop up egg scramble and enjoy :-D

Lunch:

*cup of veggie crunchers
*wrap: ¼ of an avocado sliced, honey mustard, tuna with mayo, romaine lettuce, 9 bread and butter pickles, whole wheat wrap
*can of V8

Seriously, I eat this wrap like every day. It’s just so good. And not fake/diet good. But REAL good!

Dinner:

*half a cup of cottage cheese
*bowl of Tastybite Madras Lentils soup

(CRAP I totally forgot about the vegetable/fruit thing! Oh well I doubled up at lunch so maybe it’s not a total wash. And it was an honest mistake, I didn’t deliberately not add veggies or fruit! I swear!)

Whatever you do, don't abbreviate Bath and Body Works as BBW on Twitter. You'll regret it.

My helpful advice above (TRUST ME) has nothing to do with this post, but it's good advice nonetheless.

I just wanted to quickly mention that Fantabulously Frugal is having a freaking sweet giveaway and you should go over and enter - there isn't much time left!

I mention BBW (JFC, Bath and Body Works) because I used to work there! Some of their stuff is included in the giveaway. I still use their products almost exclusively. Even though they have the unfortunate habit of discontinuing scents I love.

Anyhoodle, check out the giveaway here!

I love them. So. Flipping. Much.

Because. Just because.



Just Because Part 2.




PS Christmas is next week!? Can I get a SAY WHAAAAAA?! I can't believe it.

All The Weigh Down

(Today's post title brought to you by Glen Hansard - this song is from the Once soundtrack. Such a good album. I listen to Say It To Me Now over and over and over again)

I’m not sure how to feel about today’s weigh-in. I mean, let me be clear: it’s good – no – great! But I only exercised twice last week – Monday and Wednesday. So I can only assume my deficit was obtained by eating less.

I guess my loss this week doesn’t feel as earned as it has in previous weeks. I want exercise to be a part of this weight loss too, so when I take it out…it feels like I’m not doing things right.

So this week didn’t incorporate everything that I wanted it to, but it was more about healthy eating than controlling calories, because I don’t count calories. So it’s still a good thing, especially with my fruit/vegetable goal. I think that helped. And just in general, I want my eating to be about focusing on the right choices, making nutritional choices, not just eating less or limiting my calories. I don’t want to rely on diet foods. Though there are exceptions, like those 100 calorie popcorn bags. Delicious! Even though I read an article recently that microwave popcorn is one of several foods that “food experts” stay away from because of the chemicals that can come from the bag during the heating process. Mmmmm, chemicals (/Homer Simpson)

Well I’ve kept you here long enough, haven’t I? If I was a reality show I’d go to commercial right now and really get you riled up. And then you’d vote me off the island or I wouldn’t be America’s favorite dancer or I wouldn’t still be in the running towards becoming America’s Next Top HEY LOOK IT’S TYRA! That’s what I call the show because Tyra Banks is the most egomaniacal person in our solar system.

Okay! So here it is:

214.8

That’s a 3.2 loss from last week. Seems a little high for no exercise, and it actually makes me think I didn’t eat enough. But I ate healthy for the most part. And a loss is a loss so I’m happy about that.

It’s a new week and another opportunity!

(45.2 total pounds down!)

Meal Time with Bill Maher

It was raining today and I used that as my reason to not go to the track – I have no excuse for not doing something indoors. I should have shredded, probably. But I ate well so I’m happy with that.

I have absolutely no idea what the scale will say tomorrow. No clue whatsoever.

Before I get to the usual post fodder, um, does anyone watch Dexter? And watch the season finale tonight?! Because…WHOA. times infinity. plus eleventeen.

Vitamins – Check!

Water – I would also like to add I did have an additional 20oz last night after I posted…bringing yesterday’s grand total to 36oz. Yikes. Still not great. Today’s was MUCH better – 136oz!

Breakfast:

*gala apple
*egg sandwich: egg subst., whole wheat English muffin, ketchup

Snack:

*100 calorie bag of 94% fat free kettle corn popcorn

Lunch:

*wrap: tuna with mayo, I LCL wedge, romaine lettuce, whole wheat wrap, honey mustard, pepper, and 7 bread and butter pickles
*can of V8

Dessert: (rockin’ the dessert before dinner again)

*skinny cow ice cream cone

Dinner:

*cup of steamed broccoli
*rest of the veggie lasagna from yesterday

Also, this:

1. What was the last thing you ate? Fake lasagna that was watery because my intelligent self didn’t pre cook the spinach. Call me Ina Garten, won’t you? (actually, don’t, she drives me nuts. Why is she always seemingly cooking dinners and lunches for strange men?? WHAT IS YOUR DEAL, INA)

2. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Some kinda green, I guess. Did you know that the “flesh” color crayon was voluntarily changed to “peach” in 1962 after/during the Civil Rights movement? True story. Did you also know that I’ll probably go on a tangent after answering every question and I have an inability to answer things succinctly? Also a true story.

3. Do you prefer Coffee or Tea? Coffee. Growing up I remember all the times I…I keed, I keed.

4. Favorite month of the year? May

5. Favorite food? I don’t have a favorite. I’m very inclusive.

6. Where do you like to shop? Target, NY&Co, Old Navy (though their commercials are a crime against humanity)

7. What was the last movie you watched? Yes Man on TV, Precious in the theater.

8. What was your favorite toy as a child? Rainbow Brite all the way.

9. What is your favorite Season? Fall. The glorious return of football. And stomach pains, because I’m a Redskins fan.

10. What kind of music do you prefer? I usually end up listening to pop or indie/folk-ish … But I go through phases of artists I listen to and it’s run the gamut from Clipse to Rascal Flatts to Paramore to Abba (and this was PRE-Mamma Mia) to Ray LaMontagne. Oh and I love me some Otis Redding and Sam Cooke. AAAAND the unnecessarily lengthy tangent returns.

11. Favorite day of the week? Friday

12. Do you have any pets? You know all about him, a beagle named Parker!

13. What was the last book you read? The Lost Symbol, Dan Brown

14. What is your favorite candy? Watermelon Laffy Taffy (the bar with the fake sugar seeds) or peppermint bark

15. What is your dream vacation spot? Place I’ve been to: Paris. (London is my favorite place but Paris is gorgeous) Place I haven’t been to: Greece.

16. Have you ever met a famous person? I met a handful of super cool british celebs last year when I interned in London. Helen Mirren and Sir Ian McKellen among them.

17. What are your hobbies? Reading, cooking, Super Mario Brothers 3. Really.

18. Who do you respect the most? The ‘rents

19. Are you a 'morning' or 'night' person? night

20. How many miles do you drive to work? I DON’T HAVE A JOB. WAH WAHHHHHH

Hooked on a Mealing

Today was a weird day. By weird I mean lazy. I just can't bring myself to get going. And I think my food intake was too salty and I didn’t have the water consumption to make up for it. I just can’t get energized, even though my foods are healthy (despite the aforementioned salt – dinner and the veggie crunchers specifically) Oh and my technical lunch was a cup of veggie crunchers. I need to take a break from those things again.

I’ve been so lethargic these past few days. I haven’t exercised since Wednesday! Geez. I have a feeling that Monday’s weigh in will be a gain, or the same. I doubt it’ll be lower. I haven’t checked on the scale yet.

I need to get to the track tomorrow. Will I? Stay tuned. Hrrrmph! Tomorrow needs to be a good day!

*
Vitamins – Check!

My water intake is too pitiful and low to tell you. It’s embarrassing. Fine. 16 oz, plus a few sips out of my water bottle. I’ve just been so damn lazy all day.

Breakfast:

*half a banana
*egg sandwich: egg subst., ¼ cup fat free mozz. cheese, ketchup, baby spinach, arnold’s sandwich thin
*cup of coffee, black

“Lunch”/Snack:

*cup veggie crunchers

Dinner:

*”lasagna”: marinara sauce, cottage cheese, Italian seasoning and garlic salt, spinach, fat free mozzarella, thinly sliced zucchini and a sprinkling of parmesan cheese baked in the oven
*one dinner roll (120 cals) with ICBINB spray

Dessert:

*8 marshmallows :-P

(Almost 100% on the veggie/fruit at every meal. I intended to just have those crunchers as a snack, and then have lunch later...and I literally lost track of time playing Super Mario Brothers 3. I kid you not.)

Straightjacket Mealing

Well, everything was fine until dinner. I overate. I don’t know why I did it. Maybe it was boredom, maybe it was because I didn’t exercise, maybe it’s because it’s almost time for…that time. (ugh) I don’t know. I just felt antsy and hungry and restricted, so I guess I acted out by eating stuff I wouldn’t normally eat? Maybe.

The rest of the day was good though. And technically I did have veggies or fruit at every meal, so that goal was accomplished.

Vitamins – Check!

Water – 76oz. better than yesterday, that’s for sure!

Breakfast:

*oatmeal with blueberries, raspberries, slivered almonds

Lunch:

*sandwich: tzatziki sauce, roasted red pepper, spinach, toasted arnold’s thin
*cup of cottage cheese

Snack:

*100 calorie bag of 94% fat free kettle corn popcorn

Snack:

*cup veggie crunchers

Dinner:

*two big tacos: yellow rice, ham, corn, cheese, light sour cream, tortillas (whole wheat high fiber/lowcarb) Okay they were probably more like burritos, and I had two. They were either gigantic tacos or medium size burritos. Either way I ate too much.

Meals Like Today

Not much to talk about today. Didn't exercise, just the LOC exhibit and relaxing.

Vitamins – Check!

Water – a measly 56oz! I seem to drink less water on the days I don’t exercise, but it’s a little extreme today.

Breakfast:

*half a banana
*glass/cup of milk
*two pumpkin waffles toasted with ICBINB spray

Lunch:

*100 calorie wrap, romaine lettuce, grilled tilapia seasoned with old bay, mango salsa
*cup veggie crunchers

Dinner:

*cup of cottage cheese
*sautéed onions and peppers

(almost 100% on the veggie/fruit at each meal...I'm not sold on just the lettuce from the wrap :-P)

Just something I was thinking about earlier this afternoon…

My parents and I went into DC today to the Library of Congress; they are showing an exhibit of Herblock’s (actual name: Herb Block) political cartoons and we wanted to see it. The man worked for the Washington Post from 1946 to 2001. That’s insane.

Anyway, my ramblings don’t really relate to Herblock. But man, that guy was awesome.

Focus, self! Okay, so as I was getting ready, I just threw on some jeans, a blouse, and a cardigan to go over it. Then wrapped myself in a scarf and light jacket, slipped into my black flats that I wear almost everywhere, and I was out the door.

It wasn’t until a few hours later that I realized how incredibly easy it was for me to get dressed this morning, and more importantly, feel good in what I had on.

…It didn’t take over an hour to find the right shirt that felt right but also didn’t act as a sausage casing. I didn’t have to tug and pull or shift and scrunch and deal with all the smoke and mirrors it used to take to get me out the door feeling even remotely secure with my clothing choice.

…I could actually button the cardigan.

…I didn’t have to do squats and lunges to get my jeans just a centimeter looser to not cut off my circulation.

…I didn’t have to wear extra layers of regular clothes (and go through the same process above to find them) to make up for the fact that I didn’t have a jacket that fit me.

Yes, I still am in a transition phase; I have clothes that I love that are too big for me now (eventual tailoring will take place) and some that don’t fit me yet, or at least not to the standard of comfortably wearing it out in public. But for the most part, it’s so much easier for me to get dressed.

Such a simple concept that I don’t think I knew could be changed by losing weight. Of course I was physically capable of dressing myself previously (though it didn’t feel that way when tights entered the picture) but it wasn't easy, just like climbing stairs was a pain in the ass. So it's fitting that just as now I can whisk myself up both flights of stairs in our townhouse, I can throw on an outfit in 10 minutes and it comes together from Idea to Wearing It with ease.

The best part is knowing it's only gonna get better.

Meal Big Fish

Sigh. So I got an email from Today's Interviewer (who I suppose is technically Yesterday's Interviewer!) and he wants to set up another round of interviews early next week with me and the other "finalist". So apparently it's down to me and one other person, and we're meeting with his right-hand-woman, and then him for a second time. I'm tired already. I just want it to be over.

I'm so sick of getting my hopes up!

Anyway, on to more fun things!

Went to the gym this afternoon – and hooooo boy, did I sweat.

First, I did my warm up on the treadmill but a little better this time:

Of course I did my 1 minute of walking at 3mph, and then ran until 13:40! AT 5MPH! That’s a 12 minute mile, folks. And I ran an extra 40 seconds after that! I am really happy with that. I thought, you know, 4.9 is obviously not that different from 5, and I easily transitioned from 4.8 to 4.9 so I should be able to do it

And I did!

So that was pretty great. The mileage came out to 1.10. Ha, originally I was going to just run until 13:30 but the mileage was at 1.08 and I am a weird person and I wanted to get it to a nice round number so I kept going until 1.10 :-P Ridonkulous.

So after my awesome mile, I did 4 machines. I upped my ## on the leg press, and with the other machines I really focused on going slower and more precisely. Working less of momentum and more off of my own strength. I think it worked? I dunno. I don’t really know anything about weight training. I’ve had some sessions with personal trainers in the past and I read blogs and such, but ultimately I’m making it up and trusting what little instincts I have. Heh.

After those machines I did some jump rope. I did it for a minute and 5 seconds straight! That’s a new record for me. That wasn’t all the jump roping I did, it was just the longest stretch. I did some abs stuff, and took a page from Jillian’s book and did the lunge/bicep curl move from the Shred DVD (I just used heavier weights). It was TOUGH! I did some regular bicep curls and tricep work too.

I did a couple of modified push-ups to see what I looked like doing them – um, I’m BARELY bending my arms and I can feel the burn. I then tried a real push up and couldn’t do it. This is all with the correct form, I should point out. If I had my ass sticking up in the air maybe I could dip down further but…I’d rather get the muscle memory doing it the right way. Anyway, that’s a work in progress!

So I left it there! I was definitely sweating and I don’t want to do the same thing every time and have my body get used to it.

Vitamins – Check!

Water – 152oz. Wow

Breakfast:

*egg mix: zucchini, 1/3 red pepper diced, egg subst, 1 LCL wedge and ketchup on top!

Snack (post-gym):

*1/2 cup of cottage cheese

Lunch:

*oven baked sweet potato fries (half a sweet potato, 1 tbsp olive oil, seasoned with salt pepper paprika and cumin)
*sandwich: arnold’s thin, roasted red pepper, spinach, tzatziki sauce

Snack:

*gala apple

Dinner:

*cup veggie crunchers (LOL this does NOT count towards my whole veggie per meal deal)
*Tastybite Madras Lentils soup (can I mention again how much I love this stuff?)
*cup of steamed broccoli

(okay, I'd say I made my goal of fruit or veggie at each meal - I'm not counting snacks, right? Because that would be a little ridonkulous. I'm sticking with a Breakfast Lunch and Dinner framework)

Challenge Wednesdays: Week Feels Like 8 Trillion.

Well, I’m at 218 this fine Wednedsay morning.

That's a 3.2 loss from last Wednesday!

And I met all my goals from last week too:

*Go back to the gym! I haven’t been since Friday. Check Check Check! I went Weds, Thurs, and Monday
*Track water again, and drink MORE of it. Check!
*Vitamins.every.day. Check!
*Do the Shred DVD at least once Check! Did it on Saturday

Can I also say that I am very proud of myself for exercising 5 out of 7 days in this most recent Challenge week? Three gym days, a shred day and a track day.

And I guess I also reached my unofficial goals as well:

*No peeking on the scale from last Challenge Wednesday to Monday, and then from Monday to Today Check!
*Get out of the 220s Check!

So now we set goals for next week (and it’s almost the last one – we have weigh-ins on the 16th and the 23rd and then Monday the 28th finishes everything up! Crazy…and of course the final WI on the 28th is AFTER the Christmas Eve and Christmas Day holiday meals I have!)

*Keep tracking and drinking water!
*Vitamins.every.day.
*Do the Shred DVD at least once
*Eat a fruit or a vegetable at every meal. Things like V8 or some soups count – but I don’t want to rely on them.
*Don’t look at the scale until Monday.

…you’ll notice other than doing the Shred DVD, I don’t really set fitness goals. That’s because then it turns into something I HAVE to do versus something I choose to do. I was proud of myself for exercising 5 out of 7 days this past Challenge Week. And it’s all the more gratifying because I didn’t have to. And fitness in general is like that too – if I think about how I will HAVE TO sweat my butt off or go to the gym four times a week for 8 or 9 straight months to reach my goal weight it feels overwhelming and I want to quit. But if I think about how this week, no one was making me do anything, but I chose to exercise, I made that decision all on my own and I’m fully capable of making that same decision over and over.

(I suppose you could argue that I would be CHOOSING to set a fitness goal as a goal, but…I still don’t like it. My mind is warped! Or I’m scared of not achieving a goal that I set. Either/or :-P)

Challenge Weigh-Ins:

Week #1 11/4/09 (229.8)
Week #2 11/11/09 (226.4)
Week #3 11/18/09 (224)
Week #4 11/25/09 (221.2)
Week #5 12/2/09 (221.2)
Week #6 12/9/09 (218)

11.8 pounds lost so far!

Ain’t Nothing Like the Meal Thing

So, I had an interview today, and I think it went well but I don't want to jinx it or get my hopes up so I'm going to leave it at that except to explain one quick thing - the reason I went on this interview is because I was passed over on a different job within the same organization. My Original Interviewer passed my resume onto Today's Interviewer. So Today's Interviewer tells me that I was passed over by Original Interviewer because she thought I would grow out of the position too quickly. As in, maybe I was meant for better things.

Original Interviewer called me again today to tell me that she really liked me, and that she hopes she gets to work with me. And even if I don't get this new job with Today's Interviewer, she was calling to ask my permission to pass my resume along within the organization if other opportunities present themselves.

*
I have been unemployed for almost a full year. My last day of work was December 18th, 2008. Seriously, almost 12 months. 365 incredibly painful days. (Not counting temp work here!) 

From January through July I didn't even get any phone calls. NONE. That's also when I gained all my weight back (60 pounds) from SWL1. And then in August I started getting interviews, and I've been consistently interviewing since then, for about 4 months.

That was enough for a while, but then it starts getting to you again. Yeah I'm interviewing, but why aren't I actually landing any of the jobs? Am I not good enough?? Is it the way I look?? I've been trying to keep those thoughts away but they definitely creep in, especially when I have to tell friends or family for the zillionth time that I didn't get this job or that job...

*

My point in telling you allllllll of this is because today, even if I don't get this job with Today's Interviewer (he's interviewing quite a number of other candidates) I will know that I have Original Interviewer in my corner and I made a good impression. Maybe she was just saying all of that as routine let-you-down-easy-speak, but I feel she really meant it. (If you work in HR or have experience with hiring and this is a routine line, please don't tell me! I want to be happy in my assumptions haha!) I felt good. I felt valued. And I haven't felt that in relation to a job in a long time.

So that was a great outcome of today regardless of getting the new job or not. And that's a nice thing to come away with.

(Oh and SomedaySkinnyMinnie, I know you asked and I keep meaning to tell you, the field I'm in is Arts Administration/Management - working with/for arts non-profits like symphonies, theatres, museums, or orgs that promote arts education or use the arts for community development, that kinda stuff!)

Okay getting away from the warm fuzzies and on to the standards!

I didn't go to the gym today...I should have. I tweeted about it! But then I made an awesome lunch instead and then made holiday cards and hung some ornaments on our tree and hung out with my parents. I'm happy with my choice. After all, my parents are leaving in less than a month to go be Snowbirds for 4 months..and despite all the Talk that I talk, I will miss them a bit :-) I have to get in the quality time while I can!

Vitamins – check!

Water – 92oz today. Hah, that's low for me these days - but it's okay, I was kinda busy making holiday cards and what not :-)

Breakfast:

*I started to make/eat pumpkin oatmeal with quick-cooking oats, pumpkin puree and nutmeg and cinnamon, but I really didn’t like it. I added some unsweetened applesauce which helped, but ultimately gave up. I probably ate a cup in total.
*I then switched to a pumpkin waffle instead :-)
*cup of coffee, black.

Snack:

*gala apple

Lunch:

*fish taco: tortilla wrap, chopped romaine lettuce, grilled tilapia seasoned with Old Bay, mango salsa
*biiig glass of milk (two cups)

Dinner:

*cup veggie crunchers
*wrap: … I really am a creature of habit… 100 calorie whole wheat wrap, chicken with mayo, 1 LCL wedge, honey mustard, 10 bread and butter pickles, big handful of baby spinach, a little bit of diced onion.

Holiday Cards

I set off to Target this evening to find holiday cards to send to all my friends. I have Jewish friends, Athiest friends, Agnostic friends, and some of them are bothered by Christmas Cards and some of them aren't. So I always go for "Holiday" cards to be safe.

Target's selection was crap. I usually have a hard time finding just the right kind anyway - I'm a stickler for stationery - but this year was all wrong. One would have a great design but be for Christmas - or the holiday/snow ones would be super ugly. I couldn't find the right mixture of being PC but also cute or clever and even reflect a little bit of my own silliness or cuteness. (That's right - I can be silly and cute! Imagine the sides to me you haven't seen!)

So I decided to make my own.

They appeal to the sarcastic in me.

Cardstock, travel paper cutter, envelopes, snowflake stickers, and my own Sharpie marker :-) I wrote it out on one and scanned it to my comp to avoid writing it out over and over like a doofus. You can tell it's scanned and even a bit pixelated but I think it adds to its charm.

Want one? ;-)

AHH! Meal Monsters

Well this post isn't nearly as fun to put up as the one earlier today! And thanks for all the comments about my new pictures. I do feel pretty good :-) Heh. Gotta set my sights on the next one, which should also be mean my entrance into Onederland. Crazy! But I'm not gonna rush it or expect it too soon, just gonna do what I'm doin' and keep on keepin' on as long as I can. Day by day. Little victories add up to big ones, right?

Let's get down to business, shall we?

Vitamins – check!

Water – 120oz!

Got into the gym today too. Considered resting on my laurels but thought better of it. I might as well make the best of it while I’m feeling good!

Gym:

*walk 1 minute, then run a mile (plus about 10 seconds) at 4.9mph, no incline to 13:30
(potty break! Eeps!)
*run 3:30 at 5.0mph with .5 incline (that little bump in incline really makes a difference. yeesh)
*three machines and bicep curls with free weights
*five minutes on elliptical
*four more machines

I had a pretty good workout, if my leg soreness is any indication :-) I bumped myself up to four sets for all the weight machines. I used 7 machines, but it comes out to 13 different movements, I guess, since some have more than one or two. I alternate between leg and arm machines.

And now, something we think you'll really like! the food consumption.

Breakfast:

*cup of milk
*gala apple
*half a pumpkin waffle

Snack:

*cup veggie crunchers

Lunch:

*wrap: 100 calorie whole wheat wrap, chicken with mayo, 1 big avocado slice, honey mustard, 10 bread and butter pickles, big handful of baby spinach, a little bit of diced onion. SO GOOD! (clearly, as I've had it three days in a row...)
*can of V8

Dinner:

*Progresso Macaroni and Bean soup (the full can, which is two servings and WAY too much sodium for my liking, even after I pour out some of the liquid…yeesh)

I Want It That Weigh

**Okay, so I usually put my post title in last before I finally upload the entire post, right? And I started the post below as normal, but I have to interject now that I used a Backstreet Boys song for my post title. I was in high school during the peak of TRL's popularity and relevance...I can't begin to tell you how often I watched the video for I Want it That Way. And on top of our constant TRL watching, my friends and I recorded it on tape (TAPE!) and would watch it over and over and over and over...man, those were good times. I still put on a private car concert for myself whenever I listen to that song, which is more often than I should, probably. Also I may or may not have seen BSB twice in concert. And NSync two or three times. And NKOTB twice..in one year...as an adult.**

Oh, my lovelies. I come to you this morning with a happy heart. Because I have (*singsong*) new pictures for you!!!!!!!

Let's start with this one, shall we?

Did you see my twitter about me being a post-it addict? For realsies. So I was looking to see if I had any crayons in my Craft/Office Supply Box (and I DON'T! What is wrong with me?!) and came upon the fact that I have an inappropriate amount of post-it notes. Some of them are still in the packaging! Like those Office ones, for example. They're just so fun! Hello Kitty, Washington Post, my initials, oh my! Why do I even buy them if I love them too much to use them?! These are all the ones that I haven't even gotten to yet, btdubs. I have SIX other notepads sitting on my desk that I use at the moment...Yeah. My name is Laura, and I have a problem.

You know what I don't have a problem with?

Losing weight. Boom.

Here are my latest progress pics!!

Can you guess what weight I'm at? I'll tell you that those jeans are my 20s, still - they came out of the dryer yesterday so they fit pretty well, a little on the loose side. The only thing I don't like is being able to see my zipper outline on the front-facing picture - this is the first time I've worn that shirt in a while and it isn't as loose as other shirts I've worn...but I wanted it to fit me a little bit on the snug side so I can really see my shape.  (Also I may or may not have had to photoshop a small stain out of that shirt...*sigh*)

Anyweight (didn't mean to add the T on there, but it stays!) I actually had a bad feeling about this morning - I was prepping myself to face another week of "Where did all my hard work go?" and I want you all to know that I did my best to remember and hold on to the fact that I did a lot of work and healthy choices and exercising (in the snow!) and I need to be happy with that.

Well lucky for me I can be happy with the scale number too!

218

A nice round even number!

So that brings me to 42 pounds lost! Huzzah!

And thank you for all your shoe comments - I will let you know what happens with my search for new kicks!

More Than a Mealing

Vitamins – check!

Water – After this final refill, I’ll be at 132oz!

Went to the track today…and ran in the SNOW! We got about 4 inches yesterday and the track obviously hadn’t been cleared off. It was kinda fun. At least the idea of it was fun. The second mile really had me feeling like a Strugglesaurus, but I did my three miles, alternating running and walking. I have no idea how long it took me because my iPod ran out of juice after the first mile! That was definitely a second accomplishment: continuing without the distraction/aid of my iPod.

Speaking of running - I have a question for all of you. I am asking for new running/gym shoes for Christmas, and I will get to pick them out. What do you all run/jog/workout in? I want shoes that have a LOT of cushioning and support. Brand doesn't matter. What type of shoe, brand, etc. do you like? Tell me please!

Okily Dokily, on to the meals:

Breakfast:

*plain bagel with 1.5 tbsp 1/3 fat cream cheese (clocked in around 310 calories! bagels are calorietacular)

Lunch:

*gala apple
*can of V8
*wrap: 100 calorie whole wheat wrap, tuna with mayo, 2 avocado slices, honey mustard, 10 bread and butter pickles, big handful of baby spinach, a little bit of diced onion. SO GOOD!

Dinner: (kept it light since I was planning on dessert too!)

*half a gala apple (was planning on eating the whole thing but it was kinda mushy and I hate mushy apples...blech)
*cup (maybe a little more) of cottage cheese

Dessert:

*skinny cow ice cream cone

Meal Like Making Love

Okay, gotta get this up quickly so I can go back downstairs for more football!

Vitamins – check!

Water - 140oz!

Shredded today. Level 1. Man I can tell such a difference between now and when I first did it. Remember I quit 4 minutes in the first time? Yeesh. But now I’m sinking further in my push ups (still on the knees though!) and my butt-kicks are higher and I’m pushing myself more. I still have room to improve in the first level and I’m gonna keep at L1 for a little while longer. I wanna be able to do a real push up!

Breakfast:

*cup shredded wheat with ½ cup skim milk and a handful of pom seeds (the last of them! Finally!)

Snack:

*gala apple
*half a cup of coffee

Lunch:

*the rest of my fajita mix (chicken, onions, red peppers)

Snack:

*peppermint hot chocolate
*100 calorie bag of 94% fat free kettle corn

(and then like half an hour later...)
*cup of veggie crunchers

Dinner:

*wrap: 100 calorie whole wheat wrap, tuna with mayo, 2 avocado slices, honey mustard, 6 bread and butter pickles, handful of baby spinach, a few diced onions. SO GOOD!

I also tried a new Zevia soda flavor – I tried Root Beer. It was definitely better than the Ginger Ale, but it still has kind of a really really sweet aftertaste that I’m not really sure I like. Especially because I don’t really drink soda anymore, and definitely not regular soda (even though it’s calorie free and whatever else, it’s still even sweeter than Diet Coke or something similar)

Don't Just Stand There Bust a Food.

My girl Chai over at We Kin Get Thin did this today and I'm gonna follow. I'm a follower, and I'm cool with it. You can do it too in the comments or your own lovely blogspaces.

1. Who are you?

Hi! I'm Laura. I'm 26 and I live in the DC Metro area. I'm an only child so I'm part weird part bratty part trying to not be bratty. I love the Virginia Tech Hokies, Hello Kitty, office/craft supplies and music.

2. What is your current health/weight status?

I weigh 221.2, at least I did on Wednesday. I'm making it a point to NOT get on the scale until Monday. No peeking.

Other than being overweight, I think I'm fairly healthy, *knock on wood* no known illnesses. But my health is progressing. I'm progressing.

Mental health? Totally crazy.

3. What does being "healthy" mean to you?

Yeah, I'm just gonna go ahead and leave Chai's answer, it's perfect.

To me, being healthy means that you are -
a) at a weight that puts no added stress on your body and its functions.
b) in a physical condition that feels comfortable and able.
c) represented physically how you feel mentally and emotionally.

4. What is your ultimate goal?

Well, the title of this ol' blog is One Hundred in Twelve, so I would like to lose 100 pounds in a year. So my goal weight is 160, at least for now. When I get there (WHEN WHEN WHEN, not IF...I just have to keep saying that...) I'll reevaluate and see how I feel.

I want to be at a weight that I can maintain relatively comfortably, but still feel healthy and fit and confident and sexy and all that jazz. So we'll see what that is.

5. What is the biggest obstacle on your way to your goal?

That whole "mental health" thing. I don't think I'm legitimately crazy (except for about a week every month, I go nuts. Stupid hormones) but I do think I dabble in depression and whatever the clinical term for "excessive worrier" would be. I have raging insecurities and I've recently been realizing that I'm gonna have to start doing something about my emotions in addition to the extra poundage.

6. Who or what do you look up to the most, in regards to your goals?

I've actually never thought about this. I don't know if there's one ultimate person or thing - but I am inspired every day by all of you - a meal here, a new exercise here, and great attitudes as far as the eye can see.

Nic is honest and driven, Kat is me in a bizarro world, 105 in 365 is a great cheerleader, 266 is motivated and open, Janetha B is hilarious and inspirational, Mary has the attitude and self-worth I covet, Karen has accomplished SO much, Marisa is always so cheerful, Fat Bridesmaid is sassy and hilarious, and Sara works out like a champ.

That's just a small sampling of the many many blogs I read. I would go on but I'm too lazy to keep linking. Seriously.

7. If you could take a magic potion, instead of working for it, would you?

YEP! Done.

8. What do you look forward to the most?

Oh man, how much time do you have? I can't wait to not think about what angle might make me look thinnest in pictures. I can't wait to finally have the style I've always wanted. I can't wait to be proud of the way I look. I can't wait to finish what I've started and accomplish a MAJOR goal. I can't wait to walk briskly or go up flights of stairs and not be immediately winded. I can't wait to have the confidence and self-esteem I deserve. I can't wait to have the confidence to share my life with someone. I can't wait to not worry about weight limits for ANYTHING (sky diving, amusement parks, standing on chairs, etc).

I can't wait until the Outside Me accurately reflects the Inner Me.

9. What is the biggest lesson you've learned so far?

A setback doesn't mean complete failure.

10. Do you have any big rewards planned?

I'm really just interested in new clothing. I want a nice houndstooth-pattern coat when I finally get to goal weight. No other real rewards. Though I do need a haircut like nobody's business.

Now YOU GO!

(And on to day-to-day boringness:)


Vitamins – check!

Water - 112oz! (Update: It's now 132oz!! I had a bottle as I was watching White Collar with my fam - does anyone else watch that show?! I love it. Not only for the man candy but it's pretty creative and slick.)

No gym or anything today. I did laundry and went on an epic search for tortillas that took almost three hours.

Breakfast:

*egg subst. with a sprinkling of garlic salt, and sautéed zucchini, 1 LCL wedge and a big heap of salsa
*can of V8

Snack:

*cup veggie crunchers
*cup peppermint hot chocolate

Dinner:

*baked sweet potato fries (half a sweet potato, seasoned with paprika and cumin)
*fajitas (chicken, red peppers and onions) on a low carb/high fiber tortilla and 2 tbsp light sour cream

Dessert:

*skinny cow ice cream cone

Okay, do you know why there was no lunch? Because I was going to make the fajitas for lunch instead – and I went out searching for a particular type that we were out of. I was gone for almost three hours. And then I found them at the store that was a mile from my house. To my credit, I started farthest away because I wanted to listen to my newly made Glee CDs and so I was cool with taking the long way :-) And then I just wanted to get home and freaking get something to eat!!! GEEZ.

Luckily the wait was worth it, ‘cause they were exactly what I wanted…since yesterday when Kat had fajitas and then I wanted them. Copycat. I iz one.

Make You Meal My Love

It's daily report time.

Vitamins – check!

Water - It's either 120oz or 140oz, I can't remember if I had one or two water bottles this afternoon. Sometimes they all run together and I forget. Either way it's pretty good!

Got myself to the gym today – it was a mini-struggle to do so. Not really sure why. The day started out fairly lazy, as I didn’t get out of bed until 11am. I KNOW.

(So I suppose my “Breakfast” was really closer to lunchtime, but whatever. I can’t just jump on into a lunch-type meal even if I get up at 1 in the afternoon! My first meal of the day needs to be breakfast-y. It just has to.)

I waited until almost 5pm to go. But I got there and did a 40 minute elliptical course (Up/Down Hill) and a 5 minute cool down. I was sweating! (said in Forest Gump “I was running!” voice)

Breakfast:

*banana
*arnold’s thin with 2 tbsp peanut butter
*can of V8

Snack:

*cup veggie crunchers

Lunch:

*sandwich: toasted arnold’s thin, tzatziki sauce, roasted red pepper, baby spinach, 3 avocado slices
*baby carrots and hummus (sabra individual size)
*glass/cup of milk

Dinner:

*pizza: arnold’s sandwich thin, 14 pieces turkey pepperoni (7 per side) 3-4 tbsp marinara, 1 stringed string cheese

Dessert:

*Skinny Cow ice cream cone

(You Make Me Meal Like) A Natural Woman

A quick post before I'm off to watch Glee :-)

Got my butt to the gym today. Was totally inspired after watching The Biggest Loser: Where Are They Now thing – with Matt running the ironman triathlon!? That is beyond amazing and I totally teared up when he was being cheered on by everyone at the end. Emotional.

Before I go into my gym shenanigans, I want to announce that I made the executive decision to start saying “run” exclusively instead of “jog”. Because Run sounds better. Because one person’s Run is another person’s Jog, and vice versa. So I’m gonna give the self-esteem a boost by calling what I’m doing Running from now on.

I didn’t quite do a triathlon at the gym, but I worked it out. I did another mile! Except this time I did it at 4.9mph! I walked one minute to start and then ran until 13:30, which means I ran an extra 15 seconds just for funsies. 4.9 is a 12:15 minute mile, or 12:16 thereabouts - I got a chance to see it come up right when I first cranked it up an extra notch hehe.

After the mile I did three machines, then climbed back on the treadmill and ran at 6mph (okay this really was RUNNING for me!) for a little under three minutes! The display timer was 3:18 when I finished, but maybe 20ish seconds of that was walking and waiting to enter my weight and then speed up to 6mph! I’m guessing it was 20 seconds, I don’t really know. But it was definitely close to three minutes at 6mph, which is the most I’ve ever run at that speed.

After that mini cardio boost, I did three more machines and called it quits.

A nice return to the gym. :-)

Breakfast:

*oatmeal with unsweetened applesauce (half a cup dry instant oats, 1 cup water, half a cup unsweetened applesauce. A GIANT serving for 200 calories. Boom. Thanks to Karen for this suggestion because I’m going to eat it like everyday throughout winter now.)
*half a sliced gala apple

Snack:

*the other half of the sliced gala apple!

Lunch/Dinner: (I had a biiiiiig meal because I was headed over to my friends’ condo for more painting, etc. and it was too late for a separate lunch and THEN a dinner, so I combined the two for a big linner!)

*cup veggie crunchers
*Tastybite Madras Lentils soup
*sandwich: roasted red pepper, toasted arnold’s thin, 2 tbsp tzatziki sauce

Water - @ 100oz right now, but I have one more 20oz refill I’m workin’ on. So I’ll probably end up at 120oz for the day.

And I did indeed take my vitamins today.

Challenge Wednesdays Week 5 Edition

I think Taylor needs to see a Scale Therapist – she might be bipolar.

My weight today?

221.2

What is wrong with you, Taylor?! You are so strange!!

So I guess this means I maintained for this most recent Challenge Week. Bizarre.

I still have to face the music for Challenge Wednesdays – my goals were not really met at all.

*keep tracking water (I forgot a couple of days)
*take vitamins everyday (Only took them maybe 2 or 3 times, I forgot)
*do abs work more days out of the week than not (Didn’t do any at all!)
*exercise on Thanksgiving! Sweat it out! CHECK!

One goal out of four.

Hm, for this next week?

*Go back to the gym! I haven’t been since Friday.
*Track water again, and drink MORE of it
*Vitamins.every.day.
*Do the Shred DVD at least once

Here are my Challenge Weigh-Ins so far:

Week #1 11/4/09 (229.8)
Week #2 11/11/09 (226.4)
Week #3 11/18/09 (224)
Week #4 11/25/09 (221.2)
Week #5 12/2/09 (221.2)

An unofficial goal would be to get out of the 220s (and stay out!) in the next couple of weeks. I only have 3 left!

Before I forget...

I got this award from a couple of fantastic people!

The Rules & Regulations are as follows:


Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass the award on to five most deserving bloggers


Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and the name of the blog from whom s/he has received the award.


Each Superior Scribbler must display the award on his/her blog, and link to The Scholastic Scribe, which explains the award.


Each blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr Linky List. That way, they'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives this prestigious honor.


Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Foodie Girl
LowFat Kat
Greta

The lovely ladies above gave me the SS award and I am to pass it on to "five most deserving bloggers".

Well FIRST OF ALL, every single blogger is deserving. So I'm gonna go crazy and just tell you to look to the right of my page and just check 'em all out. They're all good. I know this is a lazy cop-out, I'm sorry!

One Food Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Okay, seriously? Today was annoying because I’m forgetful. I packed all my gym stuff and had it with me, made a nice lunch and snack for post-work pre-gym drive home…and guess who forgot the food on the kitchen table. This kid. Hrrmph.

All I had with me from breakfast to dinner was a granola bar. I ate it, but…meh. I had to run a lot of errands and walked a lot today (maybe 45 minutes to an hour in total) but I’m not really sure how to count it.

I refuse to go to the gym if I don’t have anything in my stomach – it just seems like too dangerous of a thing to do. So I went home to eat dinner (the lunch that I packed myself) and now I’m too tired (because I didn’t eat enough today and I didn’t want to load it all up this evening) to go to the gym.

I am totally making excuses like a champ right now. I’m also coddling myself because I got rejected from not one but TWO jobs today. I’m super good at pouting, you guys. It’s the only-child-that-never-grew-up in me, which is like 75% of me.

Doing nothing is the only thing I can muster right about now - what I want to do is go downstairs and fix myself a giant slice of pie and ice cream. Or scour the house for chocolate. But I'm not going to do either.

Breakfast:

*quaker instant oatmeal – cinnamon roll flavor

Snack:

*Nature Valley Honey N Oats granola bar pack (2 bars)

Dinner:

*pizza sandwich: arnold’s thin, 9 pieces turkey pepperoni, 1 stringed-string cheese, 2 tbsp marinara
*cup veggie crunchers

Meal My Kisses

Today I ate pretty minimally, but it was all healthy. And to be honest a day of light food feels pretty good. It was another day at my friends’ condo. I had breakfast and went over there, and said no to the delivery pizza and instead came home to make myself lunch and then went back over there, then had dinner with leftover snacks of my own – I refused the Chick-fil-A that my friends were buying for everyone for helping.

So the option to eat poorly was there but I said no, and I’m pleased with that.

I didn’t exercise, but I was busy painting all day, up and down ladders and I am a little bit sore!

I get a day off of painting tomorrow, but it’s only because I have some temp work lined up! I’m gonna get a good night’s sleep and I plan on packing gym clothes and go there straight from work tomorrow.

Water intake was only 60oz because our water supply at the condo (the fridge and even the sink) were underneath plastic drop-cloths and sealed off with painters tape for half the day so I had to ration my water bottle! It was kind of ridiculous. But I only had water today (besides the milk with breakfast), so that’s a plus.

Breakfast:

* egg sandwich: 1 LCL wedge, egg subst, ketchup, 1/8 of an avocado sliced, toasted arnold’s thin
*banana
*glass of milk

Lunch:

*cup cottage cheese
*sandwich: turkey breast, avocado, tzatziki sauce

Dinner:

*gala apple
*18 all bran crackers

Weigh-in

Okay, I will get back to doing three things soon:

*my regular sometimes-clever post titles
*commenting on your blogs
*posting my food as normal (heh, Sara, that made me laugh)

Sorry for the freak-out, and thank you for your comments, they helped. I went to bed feeling relatively better, and after a night of good sleep I feel better.

Except for the scale thing, which is expected!

225

I just have to remember I'm still the same person that's losing weight, that cares about her health, that is the same person last Monday as she is today, even after a "bad" weekend.

I had a good breakfast, and now I'm off for more condo renovations. I know my friends will be happy when they can finally move in and be done with the projects, and I think I will be too. Yeesh.

Anyway, thanks again for all your support - it really helped these past couple of days! I have been too tired and worn down to give it to myself.

Heart.

Meh.

Okay, we're officially on Day 2 of "Laura Ruins Her Efforts Watch 09".

For breakfast I had half a cup of veggie crunchers. They were not good.

Yeah. For lunch I finished the chinese food I had yesterday.

For dinner I had Chipotle. (Barbacoa fajita burrito with corn salsa, sour cream and cheese)

In between I had cheez-its. And diet coke. And one 12oz cup of water.

Right now I feel gross and tired. I was painting ALL day at my friends' condo. I am wiped and I feel gross from the food I chose to eat.

I don't know what to think. I wasn't talking any game last night - I really did feel it was behind me and I was ready to be healthy again. When I woke up today...I didn't want any part of it.

I don't know what to say. I can't say I'm going to get back on track tomorrow because I thought that yesterday and look what happened. But I'm not exactly about to plan for another day like this.

The only positive thing I did today was bring an apple and some all-bran crackers over with me to my friends' place. I didn't eat them, but I brought them...so this barely counts at all.

I'm disappointed in myself. The food makes me feel gross and the emotions in response to choosing said food makes me feel gross and it's not easy to break that cycle.

I'm gonna get on the scale tomorrow morning and deal with the consequences and post it like I always do.

...I didn't want to write this post. I'm kind of embarrassed because I thought I was better than this.

*Boys, stop reading* I don't know what part of me is rebelling against all the work I've put in the past three months. Maybe the raging PMS side of me, I don't know. I don't remember going nuts last month. Gah. It may be a case of raging PMS, because I'm either constantly irritated or teary eyed over nothing, and I am craving the most ridiculous things that are terrible for me that I never want otherwise. And combined with working so hard and being tired, I give in.

Maybe I shouldn't blame anyone or anything at all, other than myself.

Right now I'm craving cold, refreshing, light things. That is at least a good sign. But I'm always more motivated at night for some reason, so regardless of those wants I have now tomorrow morning could turn into an entirely different beast. I hope not. I guess we'll see what happens.

Sigh. Sorry guys. This sucks.

The Ugly Foo(d)th (okay, this one's a stretch, I'll admit!)

Today. Ugh. It’s now technically tomorrow. 3am and I am just getting home…yikes.

I’m going to be completely honest. Remember how I was okay with Wednesday’s number, and it’s just a day, and blah blah? Well, I have gotten on the scale every morning since Wednesday just to see what the deal was (just because I only report once a week doesn’t mean I’m not constantly curious!) and was consistent at 221.2. Even Friday morning after Thanksgiving. I look this morning…it was a fucking pound HIGHER than Friday. Are you kidding me?

I was okay with Wednesday's number. But not with that one.

I was pissed. So I decided to be a five year old and act out all day, by eating whatever I damn well pleased. It’s just – yesterday was not easy on me to keep myself in check and get to the gym…and this is what I get?

So I’m probably cutting off my nose to spite my face. But I got it out of my system and I’m ready to get back to eating healthfully and exercising tomorrow and I just hope it doesn’t take a big chunk out of the work I’ve done. And I’ll just be patient on those progress pictures.

For breakfast, I had a GIANT bowl of stuffing. Seriously enormous. I then went back over to my friend’s new condo to help paint and sand things, and I had a couple of Diet Cokes, and brought some chocolate-covered raisins over with me. One, to eat some, but two, to get most of them out of the house so that when my sanity returns they will be gone!

So there were chocolate raisins and Diet Coke.

THEN we ordered Chinese for lunch and I got chicken lo mein and pretty much dominated it. I didn’t eat the entire thing, but I ate a lot of it…it wasn’t great on my stomach and I won’t be missing it now that I’ve had it, that’s for sure.

More chocolate covered raisins and a Diet Coke later, I went over to a different friend’s place for dinner – I picked up Subway and had a 6-inch turkey on wheat with lettuce, light ranch, black olives and banana peppers, and I had the guy take some of the bread out. Oh and I had some pretzels with honey mustard and iced tea. So dinner wasn’t really that bad. I considered the ranch on the sandwich and the pretzels/honey mustard the indulgent part.

After dinner and quality time there, I went back to my friend’s new condo for MORE painting! And there were more chocolate-covered raisins and a Diet Coke I think.

And now I’m finished. I don’t feel completely awful but I don’t feel great either.

My main emotion right now is worry. I’m worried that I’m hitting a plateau and that would really be frustrating. Because these next twenty pounds are really important to me. The last time I was taking off these twenty pounds (220s to 200 or so) I really started having fun, and seeing the changes in my body, liking myself in pictures, and my confidence grew a lot.

I’ve really been looking forward to this part and…I just don’t want the hassle of a plateau. I really don’t.

I won’t stand for it! Maybe this day of bingeing will help (*HA* says my inner voice). It’s definitely pulling the ol’ switcheroo on my body – oh you like nutrients? Here have MSG instead! – so as I’m back on track tomorrow my body can realize how good it’s had it these past few months and behave itself!

(Meanwhile…it was just my scale freaking out and I ruined a perfectly good week for nothing because I irrationally flipped out over a number….I’ll choose to ignore this option because I’M ALWAYS RIGHT. Or something…)

I Don’t Meal Like Dancin’

Today felt more Thanksgiving-ish than yesterday in some ways. I got up, made myself breakfast, and then watched some TV on Hulu and….then took a nice long nap :-) Heh. Got up, had a thanksgiving-inspired-lunch, and then decided to add some productivity to my day.

I had a baby workout. I had to run some errands so I wore my gym clothes out to get me to go at the end. And I did! But I didn’t realize that the gym had holiday hours and were only open until 4:30. And I got there at 4. So I did a quick 20 minutes on the treadmill, and part of that was running a mile again! 4.8mph at no incline, same as Monday.

Going in I knew I wanted to do it again, and come away with confidence and not skepticism this time :-)

The last couple of minutes felt tougher than last time, I’ll admit. But I did it!

Otherwise, food intake was okay, maybe a little on the low calorie side. And I should have (or deserved to, taking a cue from 105 in 365!) gotten more veggies/fruit in.

Water = 136oz! Stellar.

Breakfast:

*half a cup cottage cheese
*arnold’s thin toasted with I Can’t Believe butter spray

Lunch:

*sandwich: arnold’s thin, 1 tbsp mayo, piece of romaine lettuce, 5 oz turkey breast, 2 slices cranberry sauce
*cup veggie crunchers

Dinner:

*Tastybite Madras Lentils Soup
*half a large sweet potato, mashed with a little salt and pepper, ICBINB Spray

I Meal Pretty, oh so pretty!

Well? How did we all do today? :-)

I’m happy to report that I’m happy!

For breakfast I had:

*cup (maybe a little more) of cottage cheese
*gala apple

I had a small-ish breakfast, and then was busy helping with cleaning and cooking that I didn’t end up eating again until we were getting food set out as our guests were coming over. And once our family friends came over (who brought appetizers) I had just one little bacon-wrapped date. It was SO GOOD. But I just had the one, and enjoyed a small glass of my favorite kind of Riesling.

At dinner I had a little bit of everything. To drink I had another small glass of Riesling, a glass of sparkling cider after dinner, and several glasses of water throughout. My plate was full but not overloaded, and same goes for me post-meal! I had a small small portion of mashed potatoes, and average portions of turkey, cranberry sauce, one of my mom’s famous clover-leaf rolls, green beans, five cup salad (I hear this also referred to as Ambrosia) carrots, even stuffing was the same size portion as everything else!

For dessert I had a small serving of sugar free ice cream (maybe 1/3 of a cup) and piece of Derby Pie, which is apparently pecan pie with chocolate added in. It was insanely good. I ate it slowly and really enjoyed it.

My water count for the day is 100oz, plus whatever I had during and after dinner. I don’t know how large our water glasses were, nor do I know how many I drank. But 100oz beforehand is pretty good!

I’m definitely happy with today.

Also, a little NSV: two of my friends that live out of town stopped by to say hello to my family – and one of them, one of my best friends who hasn’t seen me since July, said that I looked really good. That was nice to hear :-)

Thanksgiving Mists of Avalon

What a weird post title. But look at it outside today! :

That's in the parking lot of my high school, outside our stadium. 'Cause I just got back from the track, mo'fo's!!

I did my three mile run/walk alternating again, but did it in a little over 47 minutes this time. Getting faster!  This is the shirt I wore today and I think it helped:

I feel very lucky today. :-)

I'm lucky for a lot of things. Heh, you can see where this is going, right?

Things I'm thankful for in no particular order:

*I mentioned it yesterday, but my parents. They are supporting me financially and emotionally right now. They are so great and they make me laugh every day. The Mists of Avalon thing is a reference to them, whenever it's really foggy out, one of us always goes "It's like the Mists of Avalon out there!" which...doesn't even make sense, really. I've read the book and it has nothing to do with weather other than the presence of mist :-) But it's just one of those things, and it makes me smile. Also, whenever someone says something is crazy, one of us always follows that up with "crazy as a friggin' loon!" ... for no reason. I don't know where these things come from, or how we developed these weird call-and-response traditions, but they're there and I love my parents for our weirdness.

*You guys!! I can't begin to tell you what it means to me to have you follow this poorly-written little corner of the internet and leave me feedback and ideas and positive comments. And not only for your feedback for me, but your blogs too! I would not be doing so well if it wasn't for you all. B. T. Dubs, I'm terrible at responding to comments - I try and reply through my email, but I don' t know if that always works...but please know that I am so appreciative and I love hearing from you and I hope you will continue to do so! I'll try and improve the "I exercised and then I ate and then I have a weird tangent to go on" posts :-)

*My legs. They carried me for three miles faster than I've ever done it before. They ran a MILE on Monday. They are strong and getting stronger.

*My dog! Seriously, he's awesome. He's a beagle named Parker. We got him from a rescue group about 5 years ago, and we have never been the same. He is our little prince. I mean, come on, look at that face:

*My friends: I need more than two hands to count the friends I have that I've known since elementary school, and I am so thankful for that. We've formed a group over the years that now includes spouses, children, siblings, and I don't know what I'd do without them. We have our own online forum, a PHONE TREE (no, seriously, we have a phone tree. We're just some orange slices and Capri Suns away from being a soccer team) and our own Holiday Potluck. I love them dearly and we've all seen each other through some really rough, dark times. They are always the light at the end of the tunnel.

*The DC area. I absolutely love where I live. The culture that's available, the proximity to other totally awesome cities, the history, the politics (well, sometimes!) and specifically in my town: the community. I have a really small family, but with the community I grew up in, we have so many family friends I rarely feel without. And I have a safe track I can run on, an indoor community pool/rec center, I grew up playing soccer and swimming with my friends and exploring in the woods and putting on plays at our neighborhood playground and splashing in pools in the summer. Anyway, it made for a GREAT childhood and it's a great place to form an adulthood. I'm so lucky and thankful for the DC area, even when I'm stuck in traffic on 495. Okay, not so much then, but otherwise. :-)

There are many other little things I'm thankful for, but I'm going to stop doofus-ing around on the internet, and go shower and help my fam get ready for the day. It's gonna be crazy! ...Crazy as a friggin' loon.

In which I compare myself to the Redskins, but it's a good thing!

To update yesterday’s water totals, I ended up at 116oz, so I had a few more bottles while watching Glee :-)

You’ll be happy to know that as I was going to bed, I finally got over the weigh in. I was thinking about today, and it just hit me:

It’s just a day.

Up until yesterday I had been kind of anxious about it “What will I eat? How will I handle eating differently in front of our family friends? Will they notice? Will they question me? Will I go overboard? I wonder if I can say no to pie? Can I really say no?” and the questions go on and on…

And really, there is no need. (this is when I hear all of you say, “You’re just getting to this place now?!!?” heh)

I realized there’s no need for the pressure. I’m doing great so far, and no matter what I do today, I’m not going to gain back 40 pounds in one day. This. one. day. is not going to ruin all of my efforts.

It’s not a reason to go nuts, but it is a reason to relax and not stress so much.

I’m just going to trust myself.

And the same goes for yesterday. Yes, I was mopey and complainy and gross, but the same Thanksgiving principle applies – I didn’t gain back 40 pounds, did I? No. It wasn’t what I wanted, but that happens and it’s part of the process sometimes. And this kind of thing can go for not just anyone that doesn't get the loss that they want, but a gain too (hah, so I can keep this philosophy in mind for Monday!!)

So not like you care, but I’m okay with yesterday.

In a way, it’s kind of good – like the Redskins for example (not that I want to parallel my efforts to the season of the Redskins, because then I really am doomed for failure…sorry guys, you know I love you) – in seasons past we’ve started off winning, and we get to 2-0 or 3-0 and the pressure just exponentially grows to keep it up – watching the games becomes harder and less fun because it becomes less about the game and more about the streak. Can they keep it up, will they keep it up? And it almost feels like the team will literally cease to exist if they drop the streak.

A bump in the road (a L in the Redskins case, or Yesterday, in my case) doesn't mean the world is ending. It can be good, to kind of reset yourself and start fresh.

That’s kind of how I feel. There’s more pressure to keep an undefeated streak (say, knocking it out of the park *LOL mixing sports metaphors!!* every week which I’ve been proudly doing) than to treat each week separately and not link it to weeks past or even weeks future. It’s much more enjoyable when you don’t have that pressure, even, uh, if it might be self-enforced.

I’m happy to say there’s no pressure here today. I’m excited to see my friends and family, and eat and drink with them and have a wonderful holiday and to wear my 18 jeans and look friggin’ sweet in them.

Enjoy today, everyone! Happy Thanksgiving, and Happy Regular Thursday to our Canadian friends :-)


(PS - that would be SIZE 18 jeans, not 18 pairs of jeans. I don't have costume changes at Thanksgiving. Though now I'm starting to think it might be a good idea...)

(PPS - Another way I can be thankful in relation to the Redskins? I may have not had the loss number I wanted, but at least I didn't get BEAT BY THE DETROIT LIONS. I'm still bitter.)

Dan in Meal Life

Well, I moped today, if I'm being honest. My excuse for not doing anything today is so that by tomorrow I'll feel so lethargic that I won't bargain my way out of some late morning activity. But really, I moped. I know it's ridiculous, but I was looking forward to seeing that 220 number. I should know better, but sometimes emotions run things.

Today was the first day in a while that I didn't feel like being on track. I did pretty well with food, but all day I just wanted to eat eat eat, and a part of me wanted to go back to eating the way I used to, without caring about nutrition or how it made my ass look! Probably a reaction to me being fussy about this morning's weigh-in, which can I point out again that I know I am being completely absurd about it, but it's aggravating nonetheless to have these little urges and wants to eat 3 hot dogs in one sitting or go play video games (which I did today, what's up Super Mario Brothers 3) with an entire bag of frosted mini wheats by my side (which I did not do today!). I had a little fun indulgence at dinner, but it's reasonable. You'll see, it's not so bad.

And I'm still working on the water. I've got only 56oz so far today! See? With the moping? Pathetic. I'll get over myself eventually. But I've got another full bottle here that's 20oz, so I'll definitely have this one and maybe one more. Perhaps I shall update later with a final amount.

Breakfast:

*egg sandwich: 1 LCL wedge, egg subst, ketchup, 1/8 of an avocado sliced, toasted arnold’s thin
*1/2 cup cottage cheese

Lunch:

*3/4 cup veggie crunchers
*sandwich: toasted arnold’s thin, 2 slices avocado, roasted red pepper, 2 tbsp tzatziki sauce

Dinner:

*egg in a pocket!!!

(*DO NOT read if you don’t like runny eggs!!)

My mom used to make this for me all the time as a kid. Butter a piece of bread (I used whole grain, and country crack) and use a glass to cut a hole out of the bread. Place in pan butter side down for a few minutes, add egg, when it’s almost all the way cooked flip it over for a few minutes. The whites are cooked but the yolk is still runny and you cut into it and it’s eggy and the toasted buttery bread soaks up the yolk with the firm whites and agghhhhhhh DROOL.

It was technically on the indulgent side for me, considering I can’t remember the last time I used butter for anything…but I would still consider it a very small dinner. But it totally hit the spot.

(All you runny-egg-haters can continue reading now!)

Dinner came on the heels of a fun evening with my parents discussing Thanksgiving and family food traditions – how my maternal grandmother was not really that much of a cook, but my fraternal grandmother could whip up lobster thermidor in the blink of an eye. How our Thanksgiving food has changed over the years, and of course, how obsessed I am with my mom’s stuffing hehe. We talked about the first meals my parents cooked for each other (my mom’s was mac and cheese, my dad’s was grilled cheese and tomato soup…they were classy youngsters) and it was fun. Anyway all this nostalgia brought me around to Egg in a Pocket, and it was the perfect dinner. So amazingly simple and delicious.

Speaking of my parents, they recently celebrated their 41st wedding anniversary. I count my lucky stars every single day that I have two parents that love each other the way mine do - my mom is endlessly entertained by my dad, and my dad thinks my mom is the most adorable woman on the planet. My favorite part of all this is that they met in February of 1968 and were married in October of 1968. They were 24 and 22 years old. Unbelievable. They are my role models.

Look how hot they were. I think this was right when they got married:

This is my favorite picture of them. I don't know who took it, but they captured such a sweet moment: